Chapter 30

Euniel
For a week since my birthday has already passed, I have become completely dull. My thoughts have been very volatile since that night. My state of mind is probably caused by this gift given to me by the guardian. Since this evening, I can no longer recover my peace of mind. I can't believe what is happening to me. Is it really Muse that I know or is it another person? It's sure it's her. Otherwise, who else could it be? It would be a huge coincidence for this person to go by the same name as Muse. And on top of that, how to explain that she managed to give me this gift that fits perfectly with my taste. There is no doubt that only she can do it. No one knows my tastes so well. Even Sandra, who is already my fiancée with whom I have been with for almost a year already, does not control my tastes and colors. For example, on my birthday, she gave me a red tie, which is a color I don't really like. You only have to look at my everyday dress style to realize that I prefer sober and discreet colors. I still can't blame Sandra. Indeed, I know that it is the gesture and the intention to please that are the most important. That evening at my birthday party, as soon as I unwrapped the gift Muse sent me, my face changed drastically. I better understand why it is advisable to always wait until the end of the ceremony before being able to unwrap your gifts. This preserves situations like the one I went through on my birthday party. Reading this note that she left, as well as the name of Muse, awakened in me strong and vivid feelings. As a result, I slumped in a chair in the dining room, away from the eyes of the guests. My thoughts started to wander again. Everything that had happened, or should I say everything that hadn't happened with Muse six years ago in the past, is starting to pop into my mind like it was only yesterday. . I see his face full of candor and innocence. His smile to melt, like wax on the fire, the hardest heart of ice. Her lips so soft when I had taken them in my mouth... I can see our kisses again and my whole body is as if crossed by an electric shock at this memory. I heave a slight sigh, as I would so much like to pay dearly to relive this magical moment, if only for a few seconds. Suddenly, a thought crosses my mind. I'm starting to wonder what if Muse had a boyfriend? What if there was another man who made her his own, hugging her, making her smile and kissing her... No, that can't happen! I suddenly start to feel jealous. Then I feel silly and ridiculous. I'm sitting there imagining things to the point of being jealous, about a person who doesn't care about me. I should be crazy, I thought to myself. Sitting unhappy in the grip of these thoughts which only result in torturing my mind, I hear Sandra's voice abruptly pulling me out of these thoughts. I then come back directly to my sad reality and I understand that I don't even have the right to be jealous of the place of Muse's pseudo boyfriend, since I am already seriously engaged in a relationship with Sandra.
"Honey, are you okay?" Sandra asks me the question, snapping me out of my thoughts.
I respond with a start
"Uh... Yes, I'm perfectly fine!"
"In that case, why do you look so weird? Besides, why do you jump when you hear my voice, like a thief who has been caught on his package?"
"No honey, you're probably wrong. I was just deep in thought about the tons of files waiting for me at the office on Monday. That's just what was on my mind." I answer him by lying to him.
"Are you sure sweetie? It sounds like there's something on your mind that's been on your mind a great deal." Sandra responds by advancing closer to me. I'm still sitting in the chair, while she's standing over my head giving me a searching look. She touches my shoulder gently.
"Don't worry my darling, I'm just tired. With the very busy day I spent with Nicolas, I no longer feel strong enough to party with you. Besides, I'm going to go up in my room to rest." I answer him by joining the action to the word. So I immediately get to my feet. However, Sandra retorts, obviously not agreeing with this opinion.
"But my love, it's your birthday party, you can't say goodbye to your guests like that. You have to be there until they leave the house."
"I'm sorry Sandra, but I can't pretend to be in this festive mood, when I'm headed and exhausted. I don't even know what time they're going to decide to come home."
"And what am I supposed to say to them when they ask after you? No need to remind you that they will and find it odd that you slip away and leave them alone at your birthday party." Sandra insists, making me lose patience. I'm already annoyed by his insistence and I feel my anger rising a notch. So I answer him, raising my voice slightly.
"I don't know Sandra, invent something for them, tell them I'm not feeling well and apologize to them, or even kick them out of the house, I don't give a shit. But right now I'm tired and I have to go up to my room."
I walk past Sandra who looks at me disappointed. I don't have time to deal with his moods right now. Besides, my mood has become gloomy. Before I leave the dining room, Sandra calls out to me, then I turn to her, giving her an annoyed look.
"What else is there?" I ask him in a weary voice.
"What are you holding in your hand?" She asks the question, pointing to the gift I failed to hide. Damn then! She must not know who is the author of this gift. So I stammer nervously
"Uh... It's a present that a guest gave me."
"Which guest? I saw all the gifts the guests gave you, and this one wasn't one of them." She responds in disbelief.
"Wow honey, did you become the FBI to investigate the gifts given to me by the guests? If I tell you that this gift is from one of them, just accept it and don't give it away quite a story." I conclude by scrolling quickly. I go up to my room where I go to lie down on my bed. I'm back on the bed and my eyes stare at the ceiling.
About two hours passed, and that's when the party ended. Sandra enters my room and informs me that she said goodbye to the guests. I did not change the position on which I was. Sandra puts her hand out and starts stroking my chest. She is insistent, but I do not react. Seeing this, she bends down on me to kiss her. However, I turn my head to stop him. To be honest, I don't want to make love to her at all tonight. Having understood this, she questions me
"What's wrong with you Euniel? Why are you pushing me away?"
"Forgive me darling, I just don't feel like making love tonight. I'm very tired."
"But why? Besides, after such a beautiful evening?! I thought we were going to celebrate our engagement."
"I'm grateful to you for a very successful birthday party. Nevertheless, I don't feel like making love tonight. Can you at least understand that please?" I reply in a weary tone.
"If at least you could give me the reasons for this refusal. I'm sure it's because of this cursed gift. Since you opened it, you have become completely different."
"Don't call that cursed gift anymore okay?" I reply by raising my voice and sitting on the bed. My anger was perceived by Sandra who couldn't help but see it. She gives me a look of incomprehension, then tells me
"What are you doing reacting like that? Is it because I mentioned this gift?"
I let out a sigh and then run my hand through my hair. So I reply to him, regaining my composure
"We could talk about it next time, okay?! At the moment, I'm not able to do it. So I'll ask you to sleep in the guest room tonight."
Sandra takes one last look at me, shocked, then gets up and leaves. She leaves me alone in my room. I'm so angry with myself for yelling at her like earlier and for putting her in a bad mood. She doesn't deserve this at all, especially for a girl who let me down years ago and reappears today as if that time can be restored. I find it difficult to fall asleep very late at night. When I wake up, I find that Sandra has made a good breakfast that we eat together. The atmosphere isn't too much at its best, but none of us complain about that. After this breakfast taken in the calm of a cemetery, I propose to accompany her to her home. Indeed, I wanted to be alone and put my ideas in place. I was doing it for her, for fear of taking it out on her in case she was going to stay in company. Despite his insistence to stay and get the hell out of me, I was adamant. So I took her home despite her foul mood. I spent the whole day lying in my bed. It was only in the evening that I went out for a walk to relax and de-stress. Without having planned it, I find myself on the page where Muse and I kissed. It has become a landmark for me. During his absence, I regularly came here to take my mind off things. It had become like a point of contact between us, because I had got into the habit of talking to her as if she were in front of me, I told her about my days as well as anecdotes, I whispered sweet nothings to her and sometimes I I was saying words that expressed my anger and my feelings that she had closed her heart to our love and let me down. This day, when I arrived at our rock, I shouted my anger and my bitterness. I had a great time at the beach until dark. I then returned by taxi.
Since that day, I have been walking in the hope of seeing Muse again. Let her show up again so that I can at least still look at her pretty face. This morning, I come to the hospital without much to do. Since my clinic has grown into a hospital, I am increasingly in demand. But today especially, I don't have many appointments. So I come a little late than I usually do. I walk along the corridors of the hospital to get to my office. I fly past the emergency room like an arrow. However, a scene that I thought I saw takes me back. In the corridor leading to the emergency room, I see a young woman crying. Her silhouette reminds me of a person I know, she is very familiar to me although she is from behind. I then walk towards her to make sure that I am not mistaken at all. Arrived at his height, I approach him and ask him
"Ma'am, are you okay?"
The young woman turns to me, her eyes flooded with tears. Looking at her, I exclaim
"Muse???"
"Euniel???"