Chapter 60

Euniel
I must be the man sufferings the most on this earth right now. To be next to the woman I love madly, but to be unable to touch her, to kiss her, to make her mine. I suffer a lot from this situation. It's like putting water near a thirsty person and asking him to keep it, while forbidding him to taste it. That's exactly how I feel when I see Muse. I know Muse was clear with me last time when she asked me not to interfere in her life anymore. I think she's right since I'm the first to dump her, but except that I suffer from imagining her being happy with someone else. Is she giving him that beautiful smile that makes my heart melt? Does she look at him with those eyes that can make my head spin? And then, does she kiss him with her exquisite, luscious lips, does she often snuggle up in his arms like she did with me? I feel strong pangs in the heart just to imagine such a thing. I want to beat Nicolas up for it. I know it's silly all this, wanting one thing and its opposite at the same time. However, that's how I feel and I can't help it. It's just like that. However, I am well aware that I must forget Muse and concentrate on Sandra. Yes, it is with her that I have to make my life, because she is carrying my child. Even if I don't like it yet, I should get started. I do believe that it is not rocket science all the same to love. I was able to do it with Muse, why can't I do it with Sandra despite my enormous efforts?
While I was thinking about such a thing without finding any way out, the door to my office opens. To my greatest astonishment, I see Nicolas making his entrance. Since he decided to play a dirty trick on me by deciding to go out with Muse behind my back, I no longer calculate it at all. I don't like traitors at all and there is one. He knows full well the feelings I have for Muse. He heard me tell him my pain for years because of the absence of Muse when she had traveled for her studies, and he comforted me even at that time. I find his attitude hypocritical. He shouldn't woo her, at least out of friendly solidarity. If he is able to do this to me, I wouldn't be surprised if he could steal my girlfriend or my fiancée if he pleases her. Since that day we bumped into each other outside Muse's, I've decided to ignore it. He too, having understood that I did not agree at all with what he did, tries to avoid me as much as possible. It is for this reason that his presence in my office this morning surprises me. I see him move towards me and take a seat in front of me.
"Hello Euniel!" He said smiling as if nothing had happened.
"What do you want Judas?" I replied in an aggressive tone.
"Calm down guy! Judas?Don't you think that word is strong enough for me?"
"Sorry, I can't find a better word to qualify you."
"Why are you playing the victim, when you and I know that nothing is possible anymore between you and Muse? You're going to marry Sandra soon and I like Muse. Why don't you want to understand that?"
"I can't and I don't want to understand that you my friend, my confidant from whom I never hide anything, you want to go out with the girl I'm crazy about, even if nothing can happen between us. At least out of pure solidarity, you can sympathize with my pain and find yourself another chick among all the billions that populate the earth. You imagine, while I suffer in silence from imagining Muse with another man, it turns out that are you that man?" I complained charged.
"Anyway, it doesn't matter anymore." Nicolas said, lowering his gaze whose disappointment was already invading.
"Why do you say that?" I questioned him curiously.
"Muse decided to give me a chance."
"Why, then?"
"Well, because of you idiot! You're ruining her life and preventing her from being happy." He told me in a reproachful tone.
"I did not know." I stammered in a barely audible voice, as if talking to myself instead.
"I think it's best that things stayed that way."
"Why is that?"
"Open your eyes. This affair with Muse was already creating too much tension between you and me, and I didn't like it anymore. You and I have known each other for a very long time. We are no longer friends, but brothers. You don't think that it would be a shame if a woman came to put an end to this beautiful relationship that is ours? Nicolas tells me sincerely.
"You're right my friend! I wouldn't like to lose my brother for a girl thing either." I agreed with him.
"I beg your pardon for wanting to put me with Muse, knowing that you still love her. I betrayed the code of honor and I apologize! But believe me, I like Muse a lot and I didn't date her to hurt you. She's a good woman and I didn't want to miss such a great woman who could possibly be the woman of my life. But now that everything is dead, I want you to forgive me."
"Don't worry, you're excused buddy! Let's forget this story."
"In that case, I invite you this Saturday so that we spend the evening between men like in the good old days." He offers me with a smile.
"That works!" I respond by smiling back at him.
I stayed to reflect on the conversation I had with Nicolas after he left. I admit that I feel more relieved to learn that Muse refused to give Nicolas a chance, even though it is wrong to think so. Suddenly, an idea comes to my mind and I get up to go to my car.
Muse
I decided to follow my father's advice by keeping myself as busy as possible. I avoid sitting idle for fear of moping about my fate thinking all the time of Euniel. I work all day and when I'm home from work, I write novels where lives aren't as complicated as mine. Or failing that, I dance or I write songs in which I express my state of my soul. Basically, I avoid falling into idleness as much as possible. Even if that doesn't take away the lack and emptiness created in me because of Euniel, it still keeps me from thinking about him constantly. I admit that at the beginning, it was not easy to think about him all the time, because I saw him in all the activities I did. But thanks to time and its benefits, I managed to see beyond Euniel and somehow concentrate on what I was doing. And therefore, I don't suffer too much from that. On the other hand, I have not yet found a method to approach Euniel. He does everything to stay as far away from me as possible and all my attempts to approach him produce no positive results. I wonder what I'm going to say to him if I approach him. It's true, it would be weird if I told him not to marry Sandra, for whatever reason I could give him. He would only take it as pure jealousy. I don't think he can listen to me. Euniel is a thoughtful and quite mature man. If he reached this decision, it was because he had to weigh the pros and cons and in the end, he chose the option that seemed best to him. I think I should give up and just move on. I'm sure that with plenty of time, I'll manage to forget about it. What did I imagine? That I could walk into his life like that after more than six years, and decide to force a place there? I have to come back to earth because simply infeasible. The sooner I accept it, the better for me.
Sitting in my office thinking about my miserable life, I hear a knock on the door, then it opens. Against all expectations, it is Euniel who is there. I'm tempted to say when we talk about the wolf, we see its tail. But at the same time, I think of Euniel constantly. I look up at him. He is held at the doorstep, as if he feared something.
"Salvation!"
"Salvation!"
We said it at the same time. Then a silence of a few seconds ensues.
"Come take a seat please!"
Euniel nonchalantly walks towards the place that I indicated to him. He sits on the sofa in my office, then I leave my office to find him. I take a seat next to him.
"How are you?" I asked him the question without really knowing what to say to him.
"I'm sorry I came without warning you in advance!" Apologizes looking me in the eyes, which confuses me.
"No no, you don't have to apologize!" I rush to reply to him, taking care to avert my eyes from his.
Euniel pulls my chin towards him with two of his fingers, so as to force me to look at him.
"Muse..."
"Euniel..."
We whispered it at the same time. My lips quiver.
"Why did you break up with Nicolas?"
"Isn't that what you wanted?"
"No, yes! I really don't know what I want where I am." He replied lowering his head.
"I just know that I want you to be happy." He told me, looking at me with such tenderness that managed to make my body quiver.
"I can't be happy." I whispered lowering my gaze once more.
"Why, then?"
"Because...Because I love you Euniel! And this love prevents me from being happy." I let go Muse with a force I don't know where I took.
At the same time, I look up at him. His eyes are so piercing on me. They speak to me and I easily understand their language. Without knowing when, Euniel and I fall on each other like two thirsty people fall on a spring of water. We kiss passionately for quite a while. The heat rises and invades our bodies, then the simple kiss becomes insufficient. Our bodies crave more than this simple kiss. We want more. Euniel becomes more enterprising. He begins to run his hands all over my body. The latter aspires only to these caresses. Net when his hand enters under my shirt and touches my bare flesh, I stop him.
"No... No Euniel..." I said in a voice weakened by this whirlwind of passions in which we were carried away.
"Please my love, let yourself go. Your body only wants this!" He begged me almost in tears.
"You don't want to complicate the situation any more than it already is by having a child for me!"
This sentence chills Euniel who retracts immediately. Indeed, I am in my fertile period and I should not do it, for fear of getting pregnant too. I will never accept that my child enters into a complicated story, already that myself with Euniel, things are not going well.
"I'm sorry...I shouldn't have come here..." He apologized awkwardly.
"Euniel, please don't marry her!"
"She's carrying my child!"
"But that's not enough to make her your wife. And your feelings, did you think about that?"
"It doesn't matter how I feel, if a child is involved."
"And me in all this?" I questioned him with bitterness in the back of my voice.
"I am sorry !" He stammered, lowering his head.
"You shouldn't have come here." I said in a harsh tone, while standing up.
"You're right..." He replied, getting to his feet as well.
Euniel walks out of my office leaving me alone and sad.