Chapter 57: My confession 1

Cassandra kept on rolling on her bed like she was scared to wake up to reality. She finally let her eyes open as the rays of light that seeped through the small opening of the curtains of the windows disrupted her sleep continuously.
Today was the day she had finally decided to settle all scores with Carl, she was done receiving Sophie's taunts and battling with the terrible emotions she felt. She had to sort out every single emotion she felt for Carl, and that on a peaceful note too.
She picked up her phone app and ran through the conversations she intended to have with Carl. Cassandra knew so well that the outcome of her actions was not certain, but she wanted to try again, so she was going to do just that.
She finally raised herself from the bed, and then went into the bathroom to freshen up, listening to the music that played out on her phone. Funnily, the song was intended to just motivate her, but from it, she began to desire and feel the same love she felt from the start.
Approximately two years ago, before Cassandra came to attend Chelan college, Carl was her one-time neighbor at an apartment in the suburbs of Carlton city. She had lived there for some time with her family before Carl moved over to that place.
As a good neighbor she tried to be, she always went to check up on him with a box of cookies, but never saw him. So, she decided that she was going to give up the quest of always going to his house and wait for fate to play its part.
Gradually, the unusual excitement she began to get from seeing him turned into feelings, and before she knew it, she was madly obsessed, always looking out of the window to check for him.
After a while, Cassandra's problem was not even about deciphering the feelings she had for him but about approaching him. She knew it was going to take a long time to approach him but she was bent on doing it anyway.
Cassandra finally gathered the nerves after numerous hours of listening to motivational talks and watching emotional and love-related videos.
On the day that she made up her mind to visit him, she hurriedly freshened up, applying deodorants with very appealing scents, and making up to look presentable. She had worn denim shorts that day with a pale pink tank top then made her way to Carl's apartment.
Luciana hit the bell on Charles's apartment with so much cheerfulness as she waited for him to come to open the door, only for her to be greeted by a young girl who she guessed was 19, smiling at her with her brows raised in inquiry as to what Cassandra wanted. The girl Cassandra met had blonde hair with ocean blue eyes which Cassandra was certain was artificial. The girl had a piercing on her nose which made her look more attractive and it irked Cassandra that a lady was in the same house with the one guy she had been obsessed with for quite a long time.
Cassandra did not fail to notice the flair mini skirt which the girl had on, along with the loose crop top shirts that she wore. While she was still taking in the details of the girl, noticing everything that troubled her, the girl waved at her calling Cassandra out of her world, and muttered the words, "you are looking for someone?"
Right there, in front of the girl, Luciana had no idea what to say anymore. She was certain the girl was probably Carl's girlfriend, and how was she supposed to tell her that she admired her boyfriend so much and came looking for him, so he could fall in love with her or that he had no idea who she was even as she stared steadily at the window, looking out for him.
With a muffled laugh, she reluctantly told the girl that they were opposite neighbors and that she wanted to know if they had any idea about the sanitation officers visiting the neighborhood that day.
Cassandra went back home that day in shame, feeling so terrible but still, she was not ready to give up the feelings she had for Carl till they moved out of the neighborhood.
After a year of keeping the feelings locked in, she got an admission to study at Chelan college, and she was very much surprised to see Carl. The same old feelings which she thought had been locked up, came rushing to her and she realized she had to settle the emotions she felt for Carl at Chelan college, as fate did a good job bringing them close.
Trying to get closer to him, she realized his circle of friends was big and it was not easy to just walk up to him, so she decided she had to level up too. In her quest for recognition, Cassandra met the Sassy snitches crew which felt like it held the most updated and classic girls, so she got herself into the circle anyway with her main focus on Carl.
As she could not gather her mind to meet Carl physically, she settled for messaging on any social media platform. Luciana tried different usernames, inputting different search topics also, till she was able to access Carl's user on Reddit.
Luciana messaged him, trying to start a conversation with him and explaining to him that she knew him from the neighborhood they stayed in and had developed feelings for him over time. She felt good that she had actually contacted him, and patiently waited for his response.
When Luciana opened the message back, she was greeted with a block from Carl and a message that bluntly read, "I don't know you, so you don't expect me to care about your little feelings."
Luciana was devastated from reading the message repeatedly and realized that a time had come for her to kill the feelings she had for Carl.
Back then, Cassandra was good at recording her emotions in a diary. She always wrote how her day went, whatever emotions she felt, and almost every single detail of her life in the diary. Asides from Cassandra and her mind, the diary was the only other thing that knew her feelings so Cassandra felt she was safe.
Meanwhile, unknown to her, Jessie had gotten access to the diary, reading every information in it. Jessie kept on taunting Luciana about her failed proposal attempts which was one of the reasons why they were not on good grounds.
Once again, Luciana had lied to herself that she was over Carl, and did not care much about him. But she occasionally stole glances at him, smiling as she did and wishing that he could go over the text she sent some time back and tell her that it was a mistake and that he loved her so much.
One remarkable difference between the way Cassandra loved and that of Sophie was that Sophie was always obsessed to the point of making stupid decisions, like the one she did with Alyssa, but Cassandra strongly believed in letting go and letting them come back to you which sadly was not always true.
"I hope today is going to be better," Cassandra voiced out , as she stood in front of a large plain mirror in her room, dressing up as she anticipated the conversation she had in view with Carl.