Chapter 61: I feel fucked up 2

"What is it dear? you can talk to me," Hazel questioned as she moved closer to Sophie.
The afternoon sky was brightly lit, with the sun smiling so earnestly on earth. Hazel wondered what could have put Sophie in that position, as she called her into her arms and then hugged her.
"I am just fucked up, Hazel, every part of my life has been," Sophie voiced out while crying within Hazel's hold.
Hazel rubbed her back continuously, then began, "who told you that you are fucked up? Or is it some thoughts that came to your head? You are not dear, don't let all those things get to you. I don't know if anyone must have told you this rubbish because I still don't understand how it came to your head. But please, be fine dear," she spoke out unending, trying to say sweet words to convince Sophie that everything was fine and that she was not a fucked up person.
"Don't tell me this, Hazel, you know I am not. Beginning from when I was always so bossy to you and everyone, and you still took in my rubbish, to the point where I began to hate Alyssa unnecessarily. When it was not called for, all of it and more, I'm just asking that you forgive me please," Sophie requested, folding her hands in front of her nose together.
"Okay, stop this now Sophie. I have never been angry at you, so save the whole stress, please. I don't have any issues with you," Hazel said smiling, trying to lighten the mood.
She took her hands to Sophie's face and wiped the few drops of tears that had rolled on it, while continuously trying to crack jokes that will lighten Sophie's mood.
"But..., will people not want to intentionally step on me to ignite trouble? How am I supposed to reply to them?"
"Don't think about that, dear. It's not your issue to handle now, when it comes you will know what to do," Hazel advised.
"Promise?" Sophie spread her lips apart waiting for an answer from Hazel.
"Yes, I promise," Hazel announced.
The two girls laughed heartily after that as they remained in the garden, cracking random jokes to lighten their mood in the middle of the sun that shone ferociously like a hungry wolf. Thank goodness for the large tarpaulin cover that shielded some parts of the garden from the harsh rays of the sun, and it was there that the girls comfortably took refuge.
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"You have still not told me what happened at school," Jessie inquired as she noticed the great sadness that was spread on Luciana's face.
After the Visit to the aged home, she came back to school, only to hear that Luciana had gone home, and on further inquiry, she was told that Luciana left school a bit sad.
The little Jessie knew about Luciana, she was not a person to show emotions, sad emotions for that, so she was certain if anything had made Luciana leave the school sad, then it must have been terrible.
Immediately Luciana forced a smile up her face, "it's nothing," she giggled.
Jessie was not the person to take Luciana's "it's nothing" as an answer. Luciana always held her pain in so much that if Jessie had not pressured her some more or been in the issue she was at that time, she may have had no idea about the sickness or even about Luciana's dad cheating.
"Is it the head pains? Just tell me everything I need to know. My ears are open to listening, what is it Luci?"
Luciana inhaled trying to push the tears that were about to flow back inside then took her hands to Jessie's. Jessie wrapped her around Luciana's hand, then smiled at her, assuring her that everything was going to be fine.
"Am I selfish, Jessie?" Luciana babbled and Jessie was left surprised.
"Who said you are, Luci?" Jessie raised her chin, and her face wrinkled in a fit of controlled anger.
"Just tell me if you think I am, please?" Luciana repeated, with her face positioned downwards like she was avoiding looking at Jessie's face.
"How will you even think you are Luci?" Jessie uttered, "you know, you are making me feel so sad already."
"Where you not the person that convinced your parents to bring me in, even as you had no idea about me, and made sure they treated me just like you? How can you forget all of that Luci? If you call yourself Selfish, then you will make me feel like I am one ungrateful person. In the first place, thoughts should have never crossed your mind."
Jessie kept on babbling continuously about plenty of good things Luciana had done. The thoughts of when Luciana kept on showing up continuously for her, recurring in her mind.
From the time she began to stay in the Ranez home newly, it was Luciana that showed him the most love, she was always the only one around with her. She placed Jessie's interest most times before hers, even when they were thinking of a college that they could make do with, Luciana made them settle for Chelan because it was what Jessie wanted.
Or was it the time she tried to kill herself? How Luciana continuously stayed with her at the hospital, even when she was recovering at home despite the load of things she had to do.
"Why on earth was she going to call herself selfish?" Jessie asked herself constantly, as Luciana was not given her an answer.
The time Jessie was on the streets, it was because of Luciana that she finally had a home. Luciana had come to the hospital to visit her mom before she carelessly walked into a ward and heard the nurses there talking about the patient that was asleep.
From the conversation, she heard them say the patient was brought in by a random person as she had fainted, then they confirmed she was lacking a lot of nutrients and was so weak, that she had to be placed on a drip. From what she gathered from their conversation, the patient in question had no help or shelter as no one had come to say she was a family to them.
That day, Luciana peeped through the open doors and saw a girl that was sleeping on the hospital bed. Even as she slept, it was still visible to Luciana the hurt that the girl was going through.
She felt so much pity for her and kept on coming to the hospital, till the girl woke up. Luciana tried to establish a relationship with the girl, and the girl that was that broken turned out to be Jessie.
She finally convinced her parents to take care of Jessie, and under further pressure, they took her in as a daughter.
Now, that was the same person that was killing herself with the thoughts that she was selfish.
Jessie found it foolish and painful that Luciana was soaked in pain because someone had probably said she was selfish. Did she need anybody's accreditation to know how much of a darling she was?
"Luci," Jessie called out, raising Luciana's face to hers, "who had the mind to tell you that you are selfish?"
"Nobody did, I just feel I am," Luciana explained, batting her eyelashes as she was fighting hard to control the heaviness that she felt, and did not want to let tears roll from her weary eyes.
"I just had an issue with Carl today," Luciana mumbled herself without further pressure from Jessie. She had known better to know that no matter how long she turned the issue, Jessie was always going to know.
Jessie's lips parted in surprise hearing what Luciana said. Never did it occur to her that Carl could be the cause of Luciana's pain. Well, as Jessie knew, Carl and Luciana were on very good terms before she left for the orphanage, so what could have happened?
More like Luciana read her thoughts she began to explain, "after I met him to take my phone, Cassandra came and then...," Luciana went on and on explaining, with Jessie's face drawing in deeper confusion.
"Cassandra said she liked him, wow! I didn't see it coming," Jessie exclaimed, nodding her head continuously.
"Yes, do you think I was wrong by telling him to keep her as a friend?" Luciana questioned, her conscience beginning to judge her that she was wrong. She began to see large reasons with him that it was possible that she did not consider his feelings and just wanted to do whatever she felt was right.
"I don't know what to say now, Luci, I think I am as confused as you are."
"I just knew it, I was wrong," Luciana yelped, raising her hands to her forehead, hitting it quite hard which made her release an "ouch" sound.
"No, you were not. I think I understand why you said it, I am just a little bit angry that it was your reason."
Luciana raised her face to Jessie and stared at her intently, "we both know that this is my reality, even if I had not, it was going to come at him anyway," she said.
"I don't know what you are talking about, but for now, you have to live life and stop thinking about things that won't happen," Jessie smiled at her, then raised her hands to her cheeks, "everything is going to be fine. Carl too will be. I will talk to him and you will see everything is fine. You should just go in and freshen up, I'll make something for you."
Luciana fell into Jessie's warmth, then muttered, "thank you, Jessie."
She picked up her bag that was on the couch downstairs, as she had been in the sitting room since she got back, then moved to the stairs, heading upwards to her room.
Jessie leaned back on the couch, then pulled her shoe off. She was so exhausted from the day's activities and needed to rest so badly but with the state in which Luciana was, then she just had to place her needs second as Luciana's wellbeing was more important at the moment.
Jessie picked up her shoe and kept it on a rack that was by the side of the sitting room, then made her way to the kitchen still not certain about what to prepare.