Chapter 60: I feel fucked up 1

"Are you saying she told you all of this?" Luciana asked Carl whom she sat with at the Cafeteria. Her practical was over, so Carl called her to meet him there. Only for her to come over and realize that the reason why Cassandra asked her to excuse her, was to tell Carl what she felt about him.
Her face held a little expression of disappointment, but she did not want to conclude as she had no idea how hard it may have been for Cassandra to bottle up the feelings.
Carl shook his head as he munched on the wrap of pie he was holding, leaving Luciana with the bewildered look that was spread on her face.
"What is it?" He finally stopped chewing the food that was in his mouth and decided to raise his head to Luciana. She had been musing and thinking about things for so long which caused wrinkles to appear on his face and he did not like it in any way.
"I was just thinking, why don't you like give her a chance, you know hear her out?" Luciana explained, trying to not raise her gaze to him.
"Are you hearing yourself, Luci?" Charles inquired, with his eyebrows raised in confusion. At her statement, he had dropped the pie he held to a plate that was on the table while he tried to understand what she was talking about.
To him, what Luciana was hinting about felt absurd and he was bothered why she was thinking that way. Did she not care about the relationship they had, or did she have plans to leave him soon?
Furrows formed on his forehead, as he stared keenly at Luciana waiting for a response to the rubbish he felt she had blabbered out.
"Yes, I am," Luciana acknowledged, "and I don't think I said anything wrong. I am just saying it must have hurt her so much, keeping those feelings in, for you to just ditch her that way."
"Do you even care about me, Luci?" He questioned, visibly disappointed at her statement.
"I do, why would you ask this?"Luciana queried.
"I doubt you do, if you do, then you won't say all of these things."
Luciana was lost for words hearing him, she still could not see what she had said wrongly. Or was it the way he understood it? Maybe it was the way she made it sound.
"I'm sorry, Carl if I made you feel that way. I care about you and I know you care so much about me. I just felt like you should have been a little bit easy on her, I am not necessarily saying you should do anything with her," she explained.
"It's enough explanation, Luci. I think I have understood what you are saying. Why did you not say the same thing when it was Sophie and Raymond?"Carl queried, gradually raising his voice at her, "but no, this is ours, and you are trying to place someone's interest over our well-being in the name of being good," Carl paused, running his hands through his hair, "why did you not just tell me to leave the relationship peacefully, as you are tired than taking it this way?" He questioned waiting for a response from Luciana.
"Answer me, Luci?" He yelled, which attracted the attention of people around, and they all turned their faces to them.
After waiting for so long and not getting a response from her apart from the teardrops that flowed down her cheeks, "you know what? I don't need the answer again," Carl voiced out more softly.
Raising himself from where they stood, "I am going, be fine," he said to Luciana and walked away, angrily.
Luciana could not even put herself chasing after him, she was broken and confused at the turn out of events. Every single thing she said was for the benefit of Carl, and not that she didn't love him.
She intended to make Carl understand that he had a life apart from her. She had no idea how her life was going to play out, and if Carl blatantly refused Cassandra because of her. Her suggestion was only for him to keep her as a friend and nothing else.
"What do you think happened?" A girl asked her friend that sat very close to where Luciana was in a whisper and Luciana caught the words quite clearly.
She turned her eyes around the hall and noticed the few glares on her that stayed fixed in her direction. Luciana picked up a napkin that was by her side, then wiped her eyes with it and left the cafeteria, adjusting the round-rimmed sunglasses that she wore.
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Sophie was still in deep thoughts, concerning everything Cassandra said to her. She had no idea what to do and was confused.
If she changed for the better, was there anything she had to lose? Sophie kept on asking herself non-stop.
She was so drawn in between letting go of the name she had built through arrogance, which was only wavering since the event she had with Alyssa that got to the Chancellor's notice, and the thoughts of bringing herself down, dropping her pride and everything she felt made her superior to others, to stoop to their level.
It was one thing to want to change, and another to take the bold step. She needed nobody else to tell her how important it was for her to change. But was it going to be easy after all?
"Hazel," Sophie called out as her eyes caught the figure of Hazel walking towards her in the garden. She had called Hazel not long after leaving Cassandra and was glad when she realized she had come to meet her.
"Hello dear," Hazel smiled as she walked over to her energetically.
"You took so long," Sophie voiced out, sounding so unenthused.
Hazel did not fail to notice the pale color of Sophie's face, and her voice that held no enthusiasm. The usual glint of pride that she saw on Sophie's eyes most times, she did not see and it got her bothered.
"Are you okay, dear?" Hazel questioned, with her brows raised and her face distorted in worry.
"I can't tell, Hazel. I feel so fucked up," Sophie informed with tears rolling down her cheeks, "I feel fucked up, Hazel," she repeated.