Chapter 58: My confession 2

Cassandra dressed up quite elegantly, paying attention to every single detail of her clothing. From how she styled her hair, so that only a few strands poured on her cheeks, to the red lipstick on her lips. Or was it the royal blue fitting gown she wore, with leathered boot heels? Everything about her dressing was awesome, and she looked just perfect enough to win the heart of Carl, if only he was interested in her.
Lately, she was quite aware of Carl's closeness with Luciana, but it did not seem like they had put a tag on it, so Cassandra decided to try her luck anyway. Even if nothing good comes out of it, at least, she wanted to know what exactly was wrong with her that Carl did not even bother to give her a listening ear, and bluntly refused the affection she felt for him.
"All good," Cassandra voiced out as soon as she was done dabbing her face with a napkin, to even the powder on her face. Then, she picked up her bag and heaved a deep sigh of relief as she made her way out of the room, with the one goal she planned to accomplish that day in her thoughts.
***************
"Jessie," Luciana called as she hurriedly made her way to where Jessie was. Jessie and some other students that were part of volunteering were on a trip to visit the aged home around Chelan college, and Luciana had to pick up her phone that she left with Jessie.
Luciana was caught up in a chemical experiment, trying to reach the endpoint when she realized that Jessie was still with her phone and was about to go out. At that speed, she rushed out into the hallway and only caught up with Jessie while she was about to enter the car that was taking them there.
"Luci..," Jessie turned as she heard her name, and was surprised to see Luciana jogging towards her at such speed.
"What is it?" Jessie questioned, raising her brows as she was not quite aware of the reason while Luciana ran to her so quickly.
"My phone.., I left it with you," Luciana faltered as she tried to catch her breath, from running for such a distance.
"Huh..., Your phone?" Jessie questioned in confusion.
"Ohh...," Jessie spread her lips apart, as she remembered that she was with Luciana's phone earlier. "The phone, I gave it to Carl, you should ask him. I was in a hurry and I could not come upstairs to the lab again, so I saw him and gave him the phone instead."
"Okay," Luciana nodded, her face slightly disappointed that she went through the stress of running and that, as a mad woman for a phone that was just close to her.
"I should go now, "Jessie said. The car that was taking them to the aged home was already filled up, and she was the last to enter, so she had to excuse herself.
Luciana murmured a "take care " to Jessie, as she waved at her, staring at them as the car drove away.
She walked back into the school building from the car park, quite relaxed this time, and did not pay much attention to her surroundings till she bumped into somebody.
"Ohh, you, I was just coming to meet you," Luciana blurted out in surprise.
"See how fate always brings us together," Carl shrugged, smiling at Luciana. Carl had seen Luciana approaching, and he noticed that she was not paying attention to what was in front of her, so he intentionally stood at her front, waiting for her to bump into him, which she did just as he planned.
Luciana giggled lightly, rolling her eyes at Carl's behavior. He always used every opportunity that came to him to chirp in how they were fated for themselves, and Luciana always found it attractive.
"Jessie told me that she gave you my phone, can I have it please?" Luciana said pleadingly, as she tried to control the blush that had crept into her face from meeting Carl
"Yeah..., This is it." He took out the phones from his pocket, smiling at Luciana suspiciously.
"What is it? Don't tell me you have done something crazy," Luciana queried, her face slightly disturbed.
"Have I?" Carl voiced out like he had been wrong, and needed a shoulder to rest on.
"Well, how can I know," Luciana informed as she began to search and run through apps on her phone, trying to see if there was anything unusual about it.
Cassandra left the human relations building, encouraging herself inwardly, that she was going to talk to Carl. She kept on murmuring the words, "relax, it's going to be quite easy."
As she walked into the hallway, frequently raising her hands to her chest to assure herself that she was going to be fine, her eyes caught two figures. On closer look, Cassandra realized it was Carl and Luciana.
Her lips spread apart into a painful smile when she realized that it was Luciana. Their closeness was cool, but it still stung her anyway. She had double thoughts trying to decide whether she was going to just forget it, but her mind ran back to the whole stress she had put herself through that morning, so Cassandra decided to meet Carl anyway, no matter if Luciana was there.
She moved closer to where they were, and immediately after she got there, she was greeted with the sight of Carl playing with Luciana's cheeks which made her giggle.
A slight frown appeared on Cassandra's face which disappeared as fast as she came, and as soon as she got into their view, "hello dearies," Cassandra waved at them, smiling earnestly.
"Hello," Luciana smiled back, still trying to control the embarrassment she felt at Cassandra seeing her giggle that much for Carl.
"I..., erm, I will like to know if I can have a word with Carl please," Cassandra voiced out, smiling sheepishly as she tried to control the fear that welled up inside of her.
"Me?" Carl asked dryly, as he turned his face to hers. All along, his eyes was still on Luciana's face, while he was quite angry that someone interrupted their conversation. Initially, he thought that Cassandra had interrupted the talk to converse with Jessie, only for her to call his name which he did not expect.
"Yes, you," Cassandra stuttered, with her head a little bit low as she tried to avoid his gaze.
"How may I help you then?" Carl stated outrightly.
"If you could excuse us please," Cassandra turned to Luciana, staring pleadingly at her.
"Ohh, okay," Luciana smiled at her, then hugged Carl and made her way back to the lab. She was smiling all through the conversation Cassandra was having with them, till Cassandra asked that she should excuse them. She did not feel really good about what happened earlier but decided to trust Carl, besides she could not be with him everywhere he went. She had noticed the look on Carl's face that he did not want her to leave, but she had to anyway as Cassandra had begged her to.
Carl stared keenly at Cassandra that was fidgeting. The few times he had seen her with her group of friends, she seemed quite okay and was not fidgeting. So, Carl did not understand why she was this time, and that in front of him. Was he that scary?
He waited for quite some time and Cassandra still had not said anything. Then he dipped his hands into his pocket, "don't you have anything to say or do you just want to stare at me?" He asked Cassandra. Carl's voice did not entirely sound rude to her, but the fact that she wanted to talk about her love again even after receiving the first embarrassment from him frightened her the more.
"Ermm..., Can we go somewhere else less busy, maybe a lecture hall or anywhere else, please?" She begged politely, raising her hands a little to her nose.
Carl did not want to stress the talk with her anymore, and he noticed the sincerity in her voice. So, he just stared at her for some time then made his way to somewhere he found convenient and still open to the public, then signaled for her to join him.
Cassandra increased her walking pace as she tried to catch up with Carl who walked rather fast for her, and she continued that way till they moved to a quite spacious lecture hall with very few people in it.
"What is it that you want to tell me, dear? I'm becoming too curious to know also." The previous times he had been talking to Cassandra, he felt he sounded rude, so he decided to ease his voice, and that way reduce the tension she felt also.
"Do you remember me?"
"Remember you? Have we had any experience before?" Carl asked, surprised at her question. His answer made Cassandra gulp, and she had to take deep breaths to calm her nerves.
"But you remember 7th street, here in Carlton, do you?" Cassandra asked, try to assure herself that she was right.
"Yeah sure, I have lived a good number of my years in this city. So why are you asking?" Carl inquired, as he raised his gaze to hers.
"Well, I was once your neighbor there," Cassandra divulged, surprising Carl a bit.
"Interesting, so any other thing?" Carl asked unethused.
Cassandra did not know the exact thing she felt at that point in time, and Carl's answer was not doing any good.
Yes! Stupid, that was the exact way she felt at that moment. She felt stupid that she had to go through that question and worse that she had to walk over to him, go through their pasts and confess her love to him. The love which she was beginning to see as a very silly feeling, because if it wasn't why will she feel that terrible? Cassandra thought to herself.
Cassandra murmured a peal of laughter then said, "I once sent you a message on Reddit about how I cared about you, and you just blocked me."
"Really?" Carl questioned, distorting his face in surprise, "but what was I supposed to do?" This time, he kept a calm expression staring at Cassandra.
Cassandra was stunned and short of words. Had she not passed the message rightly, or did he have hearing issues?
"I don't know what you were supposed to do. I think you don't get me, I said I sent a message expressing what I felt for you and you blocked me," she repeated.
"Save the explanation dear, I am fully aware of what you are trying to say and I'm only asking, am I supposed to listen to every conversation of everybody coming to me to tell me what they felt for me?" he raised his brows in inquiry, as he watched her, straight-faced, waiting for an answer to his question.
Cassandra gathered up some courage and raised her face to him, "I have no idea what you are to do, but I won't just send a message telling you about how I felt and you block me. I deserve an explanation," she paused then continued, "is there any thing wrong with me because I do not understand it anymore."
"Nothing is wrong with you dear, and I have no grudges against you," Carl explained. "It's just like I said, I am not expected to reply to any love message from anybody. Don't you think so, you could even put yourself in my shoes. Imagine where I, fortunately, get my hands on your username, then tell you that I love you, and I'm just any random person. How will you respond to it, dear?"
Cassandra began to see the sense in his talk but was only disappointed that even as she joined the sassy snitches crew, she still could not get his attention. "But, I told you I was your one-time neighbor, you know?" Cassandra explained, trying to add points to strengthen her argument even as she was certain that she was already wavering.
"Well, I'm sorry if it sounds this way, but I have never paid attention to who my neighbors are. It was just one time, my ex told me that a girl had asked of me. Come to think of it, was it you?"Carl inquired sincerely.
"Ermm.., I don't know how to put it. But it was me and I sincerely wanted to ask if the sanitation workers had come around nothing else," she assured him, nodding her head as she did.
"I never said you were lying there, you just make me want to think you were," Charles blurted out, dryly.
"I am sorry if I ever made you feel that way, it was not intentional and I had no idea that it turned out that way," Carl pointed out straight up, as he was tired of going around the circles she wanted.
"Well, if that is what you say, then how about the feelings I had for you?" Cassandra questioned, already giving up hope to everything.
"Let go of it, dear," Carl bluntly stated.
"What are you saying?" Cassandra raised her face to Carl, like she was confused.
"It's very simple and I used plain language," Carl raised his hands to his face, smacking it, "do I have to explain it to you now."
Cassandra felt a rush of emotions pile up in her chest, and she wanted to release it also. The heaviness that was building up became so unbearable, and even worsened when she heard Carl say, "there is nothing I can do about your feelings, as you already know, I love Luciana."
Cassandra could not control it anymore, the first streak of tears ran through her chin, then the next. She tried running away from him as she could not hold it anymore, till she felt a hand hold her back, and she turned to Carl tugging her hands.
"Was he finally going to confess his love to her now?" Cassandra thought in her mind. Maybe her tears had finally done the trick or her words were quite convincing. But whatever it was, her face lit up a little waiting for the part where he was going to call her into him, then smack his lips to hers.
"Cassandra," Carl called out again, which brought her back from her reverie. "I'm sorry, it had to turn out this way, and I'm sorry you have to feel this bad because of me. It is just that there is nothing I can do. You are very beautiful, and from what I have seen so far, if you could adjust some little aspects of your character, then you will see how awesome you are. And not just you this time, someone that will love you for real and wholeheartedly will tell you this also. You won't have to be crying because of me. I am not fit for you." Cassandra stared at him as he went through his long line of speech that sounded like it was a rehearsed presentation to her ears.
"Just leave me," she yelled, as she pulled her hands away from him, running at a fast pace and gradually disappearing from his sight.
Carl just sat there, watching the broken Cassandra run out of the lecture hall. He had no idea what to do, and he had tried his best to do the least he could do. He tried giving her talks which he felt were going to make her feel better, but as it turned out that he could not do anything else, he decided to let her run away in tears and gradually take herself into the harsh reality of love that felt like it came for everybody in a random motion.