Nature's Beauty

"Calm down," I scolded my pounding heart. "Relax."
I laughed at myself.
"You too," I said to my breathing.
Suddenly I didn't feel like going to Jennie's house any longer. I turned the car around and headed to the grocery store.
I came to a stop just outside Safeway, the parking lot wasn't crowded and I heaved a sigh as I locked the car and walked to the entrance. I pushed against the heavy glass doors and held it open for the elderly woman behind me.
I leaned against the shopping cart and wheeled it down the aisle, I felt sadder... and lonelier and my eyes would suddenly look around searching for him, for Roman. It didn't matter that he'd said he would be gone for a while.
I just knew he had a habit of appearing out of nowhere and I hoped, even now, he'd do that. I filled my cart with all kinds of snacks, I wouldn't cook alone anyway, I'd only cook when Roman came back.
I reached into the coolers for some meat, and then pushed the cart to the checkout lane labeled as one. The line wasn't that long and I studied people as they went about their business, that is, until there was a commotion between the cashier and the man in front of her.
"How do you think yelling at me will make me feel?" a familiar voice was saying.
I peered over the man's shoulder. "Melissa?" I asked in disbelief.
Melissa towered over most men at six feet four inches and she was doing a great job of intimidating the guy she was arguing with.
"The way you're looking at me is very degrading, sir." Melissa laughed dryly when the man commented on her physic. "You know what? Just wait for me in the parking lot, and see if I won't run you over. Better start treating women with respect."
Everyone was looking at the man now. The annoyance flickered in his eyes but more terrifying was the anger visible on his face. Melissa seemed to remember the protocol of good customer service.
"I apologize, we definitely want you to have a good experience here. Is there anything else I can get for you?"
The customer ranted and raved, Melissa remained polite for the duration of the outburst.
"Hello, ma'am," Melissa said to the next customer, smiling brilliantly. She packed the old woman's things in a plastic bag and then waved her goodbye.
"Melissa," I said. This time she heard me.
"Nuru," she peered behind me and her eyes fell in disappointment. "Where's Roman?"
I sighed. "I don't know."
"So what's really going on between you guys?"
"He's a good family friend," I whispered and tried to hide my blush behind the red screen of my hair. I had to protect him, if word got out, it would ruin him. I was younger than him, and naturally they'd assume he was sleeping with me, the rumors would make headlines.
Melissa's eyes were speculative. She rung up the pop tarts and muffin mix. "One that allows you to feed him, while staring in his eyes?"
I tried to control my breathing. "I wasn't staring in his eyes."
She glared challengingly at me. "Oh yeah?"
But my heart refused to slow. "He didn't want to get his hands dirty and I kind of asked him to do it. Well... because I knew people would think there's more." I leaned towards Melissa. "Shh... don't tell."
I was counting on Melissa to spread the word.
Melissa smiled despite her frown. "I understand."
She rung up my items slowly. "Ok. I'll see you tomorrow at school right?"
"Yep."
"Your secret is safe with me, okay?"
But I knew by tonight I would be the hot new high school topic. The loner who asked Roman to pitch up at school so she'd score some attention. I groaned.
"Okay." I grimaced. "Thanks."
I waved goodbye and turned towards the door and struggled with the handle. Outside I pulled my jacket over my head and speed-walked to the car and quickly ducked under the drivers seat and pushed the groceries to the passenger side, shaking off the sudden rain.
I revved the engine and reversed out into the aisle and looked in my rearview mirror. A kid was standing waiting for his mother, directly behind me. I hooked twice and he gracefully raced out of my way.
I drove home slowly, pursing my lips the whole time.
At home I tried to concentrate on making dinner — gluten fish and chips. But it was hard. My head was on Roman, I wondered if he would ever see past my age? If he could forgive my plainness?
"Ugh," I mumbled, fuming. Why wasn't I born earlier?
I sat down to eat, angrily pondering at my food. I sucked in air as I tried to comprehend his words. I kept repeating them in my head. They made no sense. "Something is wrong with me then," he'd said. "...because I'd like to get to know you."
What did he mean by that? I let the air out and finished my solitary dinner, while I completed my homework.
I did my best to ignore the icy feeling in my stomach when I realized that of course he wouldn't see past the age... well, because I was me... Nuru, the weirdest person he knew.
And obviously, he had not a clue just how involved I was already... how amazing he was.
He had everything — charm... charisma... beauty... brains... amazing family... endless line of prospective women — the perfect life really.
So why in the heavens would he choose to inconvenience himself by adding me to his perfect list? A girl almost a decade his junior, a teenager? Who had none of that beauty business, none of that perfect family... Who had absolutely... nothing at all.
I angrily wiped away my tears, damn Roman Reeves and all his captivating personality... damn him.
I cried myself to sleep that night.
Because I'd been thinking about Roman from the moment my eyes popped open in the morning, when his scent rammed into me, like an out of control 'drunken driven' truck, my lips parted in a gasp.
The scent swirled around me again, propelling the discomfort of not seeing him, I gripped the pillow in my fists. Perhaps with too much force.
It was futile, really, trying to gather my scattered thoughts.
I flinched as memories of last night came to mind, I'd slept in his bedroom, in his clothes and used not only his shower gel but his cologne as well. So of course his scent would invade my senses. I rolled eyes at my stupidity.
I had to get out of the house, everything about the house reminded me of him, the brown couch, the dirty cup on the sink, his purely white bedroom.
It wasn't as cold as it normally was at six A.M in the morning. The sunrise had become even more beautiful as the sun peeked over the horizon yet I could see the thick gray clouds that were cast over the sky. The Columbia River was no longer an abyss of despair nor was it an elysium of blue. Instead it looked a metallic gray, glistening as the occasional spear of light pierced through the clouds.