Breaking Routine

After breakfast, I offered to do the dishes, even though it wasn't our normal routine. Unfortunately it wasn't the ideal job to keep the mind busy. My thoughts were a jumbled mess, unusually out of control. I felt the precise moment my brain signalled the adrenal gland to secrete adrenaline, epinephrine and norepinephrine that immediately caused my heart to beat faster and stronger. It pounded with such intensity that it was almost painful breathing in the fresh air. Nothing scared me more than what I had planned for tonight.
As much terror as it gripped my resolve, I was stubborn in my choice. There was no way in hell I was going back on it... Not now. I thought back to the first time Roman actually spoke to me, the very first time he held a conversation long enough to be classified as such. He'd said I was interesting, that he wanted to get to know me — his confusion didn't matter now. Nothing else did. I just had to keep reminding myself that it wasn't that bad, hope that, in the end, this bizarre desire won over the disappointment I knew would fill him tonight.
It was his fault really, he hadn't given me much of a choice. Let him have sex with Hazel? That wasn't a choice either. Now, now that I'd met him, felt his pulse race under my palm, fell asleep in his arms, there was just no way I could let another woman experience that. Roman, I realized, had no choice either. If he wanted someone to flick his fancy, then I would be that someone. And besides, ever since he first shared his bed with me, he was all that mattered to me now.
But as stubborn in my decision as I was, a small voice in the back of my mind worried, warned me... about the consequences.
By late noon, I was still avoiding him. I knew I was far too nervous to be around him without him noticing. And so, I did the most painful thing ever, I locked myself in the bedroom, ignored my agitation — the kind only the sight of Roman would cure, normally I wouldn't subject myself to such torture, deliberately deriving myself from drowning in his positive energy but tonight would be complicated enough without me being tired from the cardiac arrests Roman subjected me to.
While I waited for the meat to defrost, I searched through my limited wardrobe for something impeccable to wear, I came up with nothing. The microwave beeped uncontrollably, I grilled the chicken and peeled the potatoes. Roman walked in and I stiffened as he poured himself a glass of water and I watch in amazement as he gulped down every last drop. I wanted to met the scorching gaze I felt on my face but knew I'd give myself away. Even as we ate dinner that evening I knew he had questions, and was probably wondering why I was so quiet and nervous all of the sudden.
"I'm sorry," he said, his voice remorseful.
"What?" I ate the food without tasting, making sure to keep my gaze on my plate. It was painfully hard.
"I must have done something to make you angry with me," he probed. "I'm an idiot. Just look at me at least."
"I'm not angry." I kept my voice indifferent.
There was something strange about his voice and I groaned, the overwhelming urge to look at him like a heavy weight on my eyes.
"Then why are you ignoring me?"
"Because Roman," I got to my feet angrily, and walked to the sink to dump my plate. "...I'm failing." to stay away from you.
He frowned. "I'm confused."
A numbness set into me. "I know."
I hopped in the shower and shaved all of the unnecessary hair off. The water was hot against my skin, I shampooed thoroughly and an hour later got out. My feet were almost numb and my hands wrinkled from being in the water for so long. The shower should have relaxed me but I was hyperventilating. My nerves shook my resolve. I toweled in a rush, moisturized my body in my favorite lavender body lotion. With my teeth sparkling clean, I wrapped a towel around my shivering body. The sun had long settled, the first sign of stars creeping up on the sky. I took a huge breath and it did absolutely nothing to calm my heart thudding against my rib cage.
I practically flew down the hall, sighing in satisfaction when I found the lights off in his bedroom, just like he'd promised Hazel. My nerves dissolved completely when the reassuring thought that he was on the other side of the door waiting for me — for Hazel — but he'd never know right? If he just stuck to the plan. No sex. I had no doubt that Hazel had some experience between the sheets, something I disappointedly lacked. Roman didn't have to wait long and soon enough, I opened the door and he heard the click of my heels as they connected with his marble floor.
I walked in nervously. He'd said he wasn't going to have sex with Hazel. I was counting on that. With the door closed behind me, I stalked up to the bed. I was nervous, my heart raced frantically. I hoped he wouldn't catch me. All I wanted was to feel his touch on me, feel his breath along my skin. I shivered from anticipation.
I mounted him and just sat there. My heart hiked. How could I have even thought I could pull this off?
I swallowed roughly, calming my nerves to the best of my ability. I just sat there like a statue as I felt his heated gaze on my body. Did he see me? Could he tell it was me? But most important of all, had he and Hazel discussed what she'd do when she came over? Was sitting on top of him not in tonight's agenda?
His hand came around my neck, in a sudden rough movement that made me gasp. I thought he was going to pull me to him and kiss me but he didn't. Instead, his other hand gripped my hair and pulled, until my throat was stretched out, my tits pushing out towards him.
His mouth, warm and skilled fell on my nipples. His tongue took on that flat, large shape and the result was maddening.
The jolt of passion that shot through me was primal. It had been building up for so long that it was uncontrollable. I didn't even try to contain it. It would've been a useless act anyway.
Roman pulled away when my moans turned into vicious growls. I couldn't hide the heated hunger in my eyes.
He didn't move, it seemed like he wasn't even breathing. For an anguishing amount of time, he just stared at me.