Losing You

By the time I was done tears were streaming down my face. I'd described the incident in great detail. So vivid was my encounter that Bud excused himself looking very much uncomfortable.
"That's when your mother called 911?"
"Yes... right after I'd pulled her off him." And then I felt like I had to protect Jennie. "She didn't mean to kill him though. He just kept provoking her, telling her how much of a failer she was, that she couldn't do anything except watch hopelessly as he broke me and eventually kill me."
And then they spent the next two hours taking my statement, asking me to repeat the same things, over and again. I was tired and my stomach was dangerously empty.
"Okay." Bud was saying but then his voice shrieked, he cleared his throat. "I think that's all for now. Thanks for your time. I hope you get better soon."
"Here's my card," Jefferson hedged. "Call me, whether day or night, if you remember anything that might help with this investigation."
I nodded and watched Reed fold the notepad he'd been scribbling on and walk with his partner and lieutenant out of the door.
A nurse, male, came through the door and smiled at me.
"Finally, you're awake."
"Yes."
"Let me just check your blood pressure and your sugar levels."
"Okay," I sighed.
When the black wrap-around belt like machinery clung around my arm I cringed from pain.
"Sorry." His voice was kind. "I have to do this."
I closed my eyes through the whole process. Pain shot up my arm again. I groaned.
"Oh my...!" His panicked voice made me look at him.
"What is it?"
"I'm gonna need you to take these..." the nurse fished in his chest of drawers for two tablets. "Your BP is way above normal. But at least your sugar levels are fine."
I began to shake my head, eyeing the tablets in disgust.
"I need to remove this." He tagged the clear tube going down my throat. "Hold very still."
As if I wasn't already frozen.
"You don't have to eat through tubes anymore," he mumbled. "We'll start you with something light, like soup, something that will be easier to swallow and not to heavy for your digestive system."
I nodded and gulped down air. My throat hurt.
The nurse deposited the tube in the trash can beside the bed. I was horrified at how much of it was inside me. It still felt like something was stuck in my throat. I ran my tongue over my lips, they were dry, almost too dry, almost to the point of cracking.
"What?" I asked, seeing the conflicted look the nurse wore.
"Nothing."
I made a face at him.
"I'm just surprised he managed to stay away from you for this long."
"Who?"
"Your boyfriend?" The age between us made him doubt.
"He's not my boyfriend."
He laughed. "Don't worry. He made me sign a non disclosure agreement contract."
"He did what?"
"Yeah," he chuckled. "He guides you twenty four seven. I'm surprised he even let you out of his sight long enough for you to get hurt."
I frowned. "He wasn't like this before the... incident. Being over protective? That's a bug Roman picked up after I got hurt. Where is he anyway?"
The nurse shrugged, changed my I.V bag and escaped to the kitchen.
I closed my eyes and thought back to the last time I was alone with him... with Roman. He'd wanted me so bad. He'd even tossed his promise. Roman was going to make love to me.
My heart stopped altogether when I thought about how that experience would have penned out.
My eyes flew open and suddenly Roman was there, his face lowered towards mine, worried.
"Nuru?" Roman cried in horror.
I couldn't answer, overwhelmed with emotions. It was so incredibly good to see him again. Locked in the terrifying eyes of Nikolai, I honestly thought I'd never see him again.
I forced the air into my lungs — they desparately needed it.
“Are you alright?” he asked, positioning the pillow behind my head. “I lost you there for a moment.”
I couldn't answer... yet.
“Nuru?”
I grimaced when my heart beat refused to regulate.
“Does it hurt?” he asked, his eyes wide with worry.
No but not being able to see him when I thought I was about to die did.
“Where does it hurt?”
I pursed my lips in thought. “Will you kiss it better?”
He smiled my favorite smile, it lit up his entire face, the panic melting away in his eyes completely. “Yes.”
“Here.” I pointed with my unbandaged hand at my bruised forehead. He leaned to place a feather kiss there.
“Here.” My crooked nose, from Nikolai's fists.
“Here.” My swollen left cheek.
“Here.” Both of my stinging eyes.
“And here.” My pain free, dry lips.
His lips literally trembled as they inched at a desperate slowness that stilled my heart.
“Are you sure it hurts here?” he asked, his voice throaty, low, warm as it blew against my anxious lips.
“Yes.”
“Do you want me to kiss it better?” His lips moving lower, down my chin.
“Y—yes..."
His sensitive hearing caught the hunger in my voice and he abruptly moved away from me, to look at my face where I was sure he witnessed my hot, lethal, powerful need for him. Roman shook his head and sighed, his eyes confused.
"I'm puzzled."
I sighed, irritated. "What is it now?"
He smiled at my sudden shift in mood but then he was serious again. "Right now... You want me."
I looked away from him. My chin sticking out.
He shook his head, bewildered. "I don't get it." Roman hesitated. "I haven't even touched you yet."
"Technically... You did."
He glared at me in agitation. "Don't understand at all," he muttered to himself.
I glanced at his crotch and narrowed my eyes to slits at the bulge. "What's your excuse?"
He glared down at himself and grimaced. "If you knew of all the things I want to do to your body... you wouldn't be sitting here so calmly."
I scoffed. "Roman... I have a bandage over my hand, I broke my backbone, look at this... I'm totally covered in needles and tubes and oh, let's not forget the bruises on my skin. Don't even get me started on my head. I know my hair must look so wild, so horrible with the knots. That's not tempting."
"You're always irresistible."
"Even with the possibility I might not be able to walk again?"
His face hardened. "Even then." he hesitated. "How did you know?"
"Ruth told me my chances aren't good." I paused to look up at his face. "And the fact that I can't feel nor move my legs would have clued me in, even if she hadn't said a word."
He looked away from me, and cringed. "You'll walk again."
"I doubt that. If it were the case... the feeling should have returned by now. How would you know?"
"I have faith."
I chuckled. "Since when are you religious?"
"You came back to me, did you not?"
"Is this your subtle way of telling me you actually prayed for me?"
He shrugged and continued to glare out of the window. He didn't look back at me as I spoke.
I forced my voice out cringing at the slight painful discomfort in my throat that tingled with every word I said, "It just doesn't make sense."
He still didn't look at me as he answered. "What?"
"Why you want me in your life." he whipped his head to look at me, a frown of annoyance lingering on his forehead as if I should know the answer to my question already, his eyes blazing with desire.
"Damn cupid with his stupid ass arrows — they got me." he teased, running the back of his hand over my cheek. I tried not to cringe away from the bewildering electrocution.
"Seems cupid got quite a few of his arrows into my heart as well," I gasped, almost breathless. He was still distracting me with his addictive touch.
"At least you still have one." His tone was still light, teasing.
I closed my eyes as his finger traced the outline of my lips. Remember to breath, Nuru. I scolded myself internally. "What did you do with yours?"
"You're a smart woman, Nuru. Quite adept at reading people or, at the very least, reading me. A successful businessman who prides himself on being stoic and cool under pressure. An emotional rock that people can rely on. Yet I was reduced to a whipping, broken idiot when..." he shook his head as though to get rid of the unpleasant thoughts. "Shouldn't that tell you about the effect you have on me? Took me years to erect this huge impregnable wall around my heart. Yet you are poking holes in it at will. I'm afraid to admit that it wasn't stolen but I gave it up — willingly... to you. "
"I plan to keep it safe."
"It doesn't matter what you do with it," he sighed and at last turned to look me in the eye. "I don't ever want it back. It's yours now. I'm yours to have. I belong to you, for as long as you want me."
My breathing ceased. "You know one of these days, you're going to say something that'll push me over the edge."
He made a face at me. "That's not funny. Stop joking about your death. It still hurts too much."
"I'm sorry."
He was suddenly serious, all traces of humor gone. "I should've protected you, Nuru," he spoke in a disgusted tone. "I should've listened to the voice in my heart, the voice that warned me not to leave with Anton, the same voice that tells me when you miss me."
I touched his hand with the tips of my fingers. "It's not your fault."
"Who's fault is it then?" Roman's voice was low and bleak.
I couldn't speak.
"Nikolai's? Jennie's? The world's?" He asked. "It's my fault. I'm supposed to keep you safe, but I failed. I almost lost you, I almost died!"
"Roman —"
"I will never forgive myself for that." His voice was cold. "For almost losing the best thing in my life."