Cravings

"I'm not stupid, Reeves." The car started with a rumble and the sound frightened me into silence.
"Then don't do anything stupid," Roman warned with a tight smile.
"I'd love to play Russian rouellem with you right now, Reeves."
But Roman ignored him, instead he shrugged out of his jacket, pulled the black wig off my head and tossed it out the door. He hurriedly helped me into the sleeves and rolled them to my elbows.
"Will I ever see you again?" I asked, panicked.
"You will, tonight, tomorrow latest, I swear."
"Don't get hurt," I whispered, my voice barely audible, and breaking in fright.
Roman didn't respond, his lips were on mine at once. This wasn't like the other three times he'd kissed me. This was different, urgent. It was... odd and it made me worry. It lasted for a brief second and he moved away, his hand lingering at my neck for a second longer.
"I love you," he said.
It was the first time Roman had straight out said it and had the moment not been terrifying I'd most probably have heard the usual stagger of my heart by now.
"You already know how I feel." My voice broke. "... But if it's any consolation, I love you too."
And then he shut the door, his hand touched the window briefly, but his eyes were watching the restaurants exit.
Anton whirled the car quickly backward. He pulled the seat belt around him and then pushed the car north. Accelerating much too quickly down the deserted streets.
I looked out the window as the tears fell silently down my cheeks.
"What's happening?"
"What did you think would happen?" Anton snarled, his voice was abruptly filled with livid hostility. "I told you this was a bad idea."
"Are you trying to say this is my fault?" My gaze snapped up to look at him. "What ever this is?"
His cold eyes flashed to my face and away. "Excuse me if I don't buy your crocodile tears and sudden love for Roman."
My teeth snapped together, and when I spoke my voice, coarse, boomed. "So you think I'm doing this for the money?"
The speedometer fell well over hundred and fifty and the way Anton held his lips, told me he wasn't about to slow down. And besides I much rather preferred to be in the presence of Nikolai than the scary guy forced to be my chauffeur. I secured my hands on the seat belt. The chilly wind and eerie night only made it more frightening.
Anton growled a string of profanities.
"No... I get it now." My eyes wide with shock, fell on his emotionless face but I couldn't deny that despite my recent dislike of him, he was still handsome. "You think I'm working for Nikolai!"
He didn't respond but his fury filled glare managed to unsettle my nerves.
I scowled and as much as I wanted to entertain bad thoughts about him, I couldn't. I knew how much Anton meant to Roman, and I knew that Anton felt the same exact way.
"If you have something to say..." his low voice hung in the air for a moment. I shuddered.
"I thought since you're his trusted advisor you'd know something... at least."
"Well I don't!" he snapped.
"Right!" I said sarcastically, my lips tightening into a fierce line.
"It's because I don't ask too many unnecessary questions." His eyes were staring out into the dark night.
I cringed from his chilling tone.
"Would it hurt you much to at least try to be supportive?"
"Why?" he asked curtly. "You've been nothing but trouble."
"Did you ever stop and think that maybe I love Roman too?"
The car sped up, and he turned bitter eyes on me. "That's a theory I've explored."
"And...?"
"I'm more convinced now than ever before that you aren't any good for him."
I sighed, giving up on trying to get Anton to accept me.
"You stole a file for Nikolai!" he snarled. His face was dead. "... a file that could have held sensitive information. A file that could compromise the whole organisation, the whole country."
"I messed up, okay," I answered as calm as I could. "But my mother means the world to me. He threatened my mother."
Anton was shaking his head and he scoffed before answering, "The same woman who's giving you up to different man very night?"
I shook my head. "Maybe if you had kids you'd understand. "
"You'd know all about being a mother wouldn't you?"
"I'm a daughter and I've come to realize that parents aren't meant to be perfect. Mothers are there to give us the best they can." My words were flowing out of me. I was furious. "And what you see here..." I pointed a shaking finger at myself. "This is the best Jennie can do. And besides, in life, parents break their children's hearts and it seems all children do is break their parent's hearts too. But I'm not complaining. That's what the heart is for."
The silence lasted for a second as we stared each other down.
"You said your mother means the world to you." His whispered response broke through the awkward, frightening silence. "Where does that leave Roman?"
I glared at him, unleashing all the resentment in my heart. "Roman is my truth." I said quietly, emphasising each word. "He's the reason I chose to live now, I will do anything for him, he's my very existence."
He gave me a strange look and his eyes lit up as though he'd just realized something.
"So... Anton." I began, looking him in the eye. "I guess what I'm trying to say is... I'd never be able to live in a world where Roman doesn't exist."
He leaned into me, his eyes intent on mine. His eyes were mesmerizing in a chilling way.
"Lord Jesus have mercy!" he moved back and groaned.
I looked at him, confused.
"I can see the dazzle eye thing Roman once mentioned." He glanced at me nervously. "It's actually as scary as it is... fascinating."
I watched him with guarded eyes through the corners of my eyes. His hands began to tremble and he closed his eyes.
My eyes closed too, in a silent prayer. The way the car was moving was nauseating enough but Anton driving it with closed eyes... hmm...
I took a steady breath and opened my eyes. His were still closed. My head churned.
"You actually do love him." His surprise angered me. But to my relief, his eyes flashed opened.
"You're an bigger asshole than he is."
He laughed. "I know."
I groaned. "No wonder you're his best friend."
He grumbled something I couldn't hear.
"Can I ask you something?"
He was still talking to himself and I grinned.
"Anton?"
He rolled down the window, letting the cool dry air into the car. He inhaled deeply. "Hmm?" I couldn't be sure whether he was responding to me or to the calming effect of the air.
"Can I ask you something?" I repeated.
He groaned. "I don't like talking too much."
"Isaac..." I began, and looked up at him. He was murderous.
He waited. "I heard what happened between him and Regina and I know that this is something that upsets Roman... That's why I'm asking you instead."
"Okay."
I stared out of the window, consumed, yet again, with worry. Was Roman okay? Did he need help? Shouldn't we call the cops? "Will they ever manage to repair their relationship?"
"No" — he frowned and then he was quiet, thoughtful — "yes... I think. Roman is not mad anymore. Besides he's feeding Isaac's broke ass."
"I thought Isaac works with you and Roman. "
"He does but he has a questionable ethic when it comes to handling his finances."
I stared at Anton in disbelief. "What?"
He nodded, his eyebrows pulling together. "Isaac blows all his money at Three Rivers Casino and Hotel."
"Oh no, not that! He's a gambler?"
"Yeah." He nodded, staring ahead into the darkness and biting his lip. "So everything he needs... Roman pays for."
"Why does he continue after what Isaac did to him?"
"Roman doesn't give up on the people he loves." He smiled. The way the grin broke through his face was... beautiful, mesmerizing, the same enchanting effect of watching the moon rise. "He's very loyal."
He stopped the car. I looked up, surprised — of course we were already at Jennie's house, parked a few feet from the house. The ride took a mere ten minutes.
Jennie or Nikolai was still waiting up for me. The porch light was still burning. I opened the door, and the air was no longer warm, it was slightly wet. Soon it'd be raining. It blew across my face, forcing the flyaway hairs to cling to my forehead.
"Thanks for the ride," I murmured.
A strange look crossed his face. “Nuru," he said tonelessly.
I flinched at the sound of my name. “Yes.”
“Have a good night," he continued quickly. He seemed embarrassed.
I took a huge breath. “I won’t be able to sleep,” I told him. "Not until I know Roman is safe."
“Try at least.”
Try; that I could do.
"Okay." My voice was dry, it cracked.
Anton looked me over cautiously. "He's going to be fine."
I shrugged. "I'll try not to worry."
"He's fine. I promise." He smiled for my benefit but it was all wrong. It didn't reach his eyes. "Really, does this Secret Agent thing for a living. He's got a decade of experience."
Oddly, I didn't feel less worried but regardless I nodded and quickly got out. I watched him go until the car disappeared on the end of the street. I stared unseeing into the vacant streets, Port Edward always alive, seemed curiously dead tonight. I began feeling sick.
I made my way up to the front door. Jennie yanked the door open, her blue eyes wider with fury.
"Nuru," Jennie said, her voice was uncertain as though she was expecting a bearer of bad news.
My mind was blank as I ran up the stairs. I heard Jennie's noisy footsteps behind me. In my room she pushed me up against the wall and placed a firm grip with the length of her arm on my throat. "You disappointed Bill."
“So what?" I shouted, my tone etching toward anger.
"Is that the much-older-than-you Reeves?" Jennie asked, her pitch defiant.
"No, it was his friend." My voice broke as she pressed harder.
“What were you doing with him that you had to come back at eleven in the night?”
“I don’t see how that’s any of your concern.” I said quickly. My tone was almost rude.
“Is that even… allowed?” Jennie's eyes were wide, her tone inched to anger. “They are sharing you and yet they paid only for a single person.” Jennie shook her head in disgust. "Bill is not going to like this."
"Can you at least pretend to care about me?" I demanded, furious, the words rushing out of me — somehow it still sounded like a plea.
Jennie ignored me for a good two minutes, unleashing all her energy into the desperate attempt to crash my windpipe and then she laughed without humour, letting me fall at my feet, her eyes narrowing. “I don’t like it.”
“I didn’t ask you to,” I snapped, my hand gripping my neck while I massaged it softly. My head spun with the sudden oxygen filling my lungs. My knees were weak and my mouth had a bad taste, like I was going to vomit.
“You'll ruin the poor guy's reputation!” She was angry now, her blond waves moving in sync with her body as she marched angrily across my room.
“Jennie, get a life,” I spoke through clenched teeth. My voice was broken, cracking. “…and stay out of mine.”
"Now you listen to me young lady—"
I interrupted her with a short, hard laugh, shaking my head. "No... I'm done listening to you. That's all I ever do I —"
“Nuru Nora Lynn, I’m your mother and you better show me some respect.”
“My mother?” I asked dully, glaring up at Jennie, I felt moisture filling up my eyes. Jennie became a blur. “My mother died along with my father.”
Jennie turned with a fresh wave of fury, her face frozen in shock. And then she came back to life again, her features hurt, angry, and before I could get another word out she slapped me.
My head jerked back with the force of her hand and something... a muscle maybe, cracked. I groaned at the pain and blinked. Jennie came to focus again.
“This is my house and for as long as you live here you’ll respect me.”
My body went cold. “Good thing you don’t have to tolerate me much longer.”
Jennie's face scrunched up; her eyes narrowed her, her lips twitched up as though she was about to growl and her eyebrows knotted together to form an uneven line. The same look she had the night she killed who ever was in the freezer down in the basement. “What does that mean?”
I stared at the woman who was supposed to be my mother, a murderer, eyes wide with horror. "Since you don't want me, I'll move out... permanently."
Her forehead creased. "Move out?" she asked with sudden comprehension. "Nuru where will you go?"
"What's it to you?"