OVERWHELMING GUILT

He leaned into me and smiled. The room brightened. "She's a Cox."
I sighed. Blinking more than necessary. How did he do that? He was hypnotic. "Julius?"
"Lyon"
"Isaac?"
“Reeves, of course.”
"And Ruth?"
"Reeves."
I stared at Roman, surprised. He stared back with unyielding intensity. I turned away from him slowly, unwillingly. "What?"
He nodded. "I told you she adopted me. When I first became Roman she was there and she'd just recently changed identities herself."
"Where does her family think she is?"
He sighed. "They think she lost her mind and she's wondering the streets somewhere."
"Doesn't she miss her family?" this appalled me. How could anyone be able to stay away from loved ones. I didn't understand at all.
"It was just her husband she left behind."
"How could anyone be able to leave their husband?"
"He's not a nice man and besides... he found himself a young aged woman to die with. Besides, he’s human."
"What an interesting choice of words." I stared into his eyes. "I'm mostly curious about Isaac."
I expected him to be angry but his eyes softened a bit and he almost smiled. "My brother has the biggest family than all of us. He still has both his paternal and maternal grandparents. They are a close family. Very large."
We stayed at home the whole day and later that evening while he took a shower I sneaked out to go met Bill. I was trembling the whole way to his car, parked just out of eyesight of the Reeves residence.
When I came back, Roman was still showering and I slapped both of my cheeks to try and get some life into them. My face was drained of color. I looked pale, guilty.
When I woke up I was still tired enough to sleep some more. Roman was awake, staring up at the ceiling. We lay silently, fighting our private demons separately.
It took me longer than it normally did to get to school. Roman had to leave an hour earlier. I skipped breakfast, I felt too sick to be able to stomach anything. The guilt was slowly eating away at my conscious. And besides my stomach was full — of anxiety.
"How was your weekend?” Zoe glanced at me over her shoulder. She sat in the desk directly in front of mine in Mathematics.
“It was okay,” I tried not to sound too optimistic. But then my demons flooded my mind. I recoiled against the image of myself rummaging through Roman's safe, which, bless him, he left unlocked. Which meant he trusted me and what had I done with that trust? I'd betrayed him. I didn't see how he'd ever forgive me for that. I tried not to picture Bill's grin when I'd handed him the file he'd asked for.
"Good good," Bill had praised me. "This has all the information about the pack, essential when planning a take over—"
"I have to go," I had interrupted him, hating the smug look in his face. I felt the nausea attack then.
And now here I sat, annoyed, looking at Zoe who had dyed her hair dark purple over the weekend. She was rather beautiful. I tried to catch up with the conversation.
"Noticed anything unusual about Lissa lately?" Zoe asked with wide, speculative eyes.
"No," I tried to smile but my mouth didn't even twitch. When that didn't work I turned back to my book.
The way Melissa and Zoe had been acting towards each other lately made me cringe. Ever since Melissa announced who her choice of maid of honour was, the girls could barely stand each other.
"I think she thinks she's better than us just because Chad put a cheap ring on her finger."
I looked at her with suspicious eyes. "I haven't noticed anything," I said quickly. "And besides I think it's a beautiful ring."
"It's cheap, not even real diamonds," Zoe said. Her eyes drifted to the door and then came to settle on my face.
"Okay," I shrugged. I was so enveloped in my own thoughts to care whether or not Melissa's diamonds were fake. At least she got her happily ever after. The same couldn't not be said about Zoe or me.
Thankfully Mr. May called the class to order then. Zoe turned with a defeated sigh to the front and I buried my face in my hands. What had I done?
When lunch hour came around Zoe lingered at my desk.
"Just let me get my stuff," I told her quietly, purposely packing my things into my backpack at a snails pace in a failed attempt that Zoe would grow impatient and leave without me.
"Harry is going to get me something better," Zoe promised.
Walking down the hallway Zoe led the conversation, she didn't even notice that I was distracted, that she was the only partisan of the chat. I just made sure to hmm and huh in all the right places.
When we walked into the unusually full cafeteria — it was raining outside — a hand waved us over, it was Kyle.
"There they are," Zoe said, ushering me in the direction of the table. She led the way for me down the aisle and had to push and shove a few people out of the way. As soon as we reached the correct table Zoe dropped the conversation.
I sighed in relief. The chair squealed stridently against the floor as I dragged it back.
"Hey guys," I mumbled.
After they greeted me back they moved on to continue their conversations. The boys were excitedly discussing baseball. The girls, Kyle included were talking about a certain Susan. I tried to catch on but failed, and I sighed, giving up, I didn't even know the girl they were talking about today. So why should I care?
"Aren't you going to get something?" Melissa said in her kind, quiet voice.
I shook my head and a blush warmed my face. "No."
I pulled a lunch box from my backpack that Roman had insisted I carry. "I brought my own lunch today."
Melissa glanced down at the lunch box as it made rounds around the table. "What's this?"
"Chicken and Mayo sandwich."
Zoe looked at me with one raised eyebrow, a scowl on her face. "How many calories are in that thing?"
Melissa rolled her eyes. "Who cares?"
Zoe's smile was tight and a look of disapproval took over her features. "You should. Got to fit that wedding dress in, right?" Her eyes turned mocking.
Melissa breathe through her nose. "My digestive system can handle my food intake — thank you very much — I don't need to help it by injecting fingers."
"Mel!" I threw in impatiently, trying to control the situation before it spiralled out of control. My voice was pointedly filled with disappointment.
Zoe ignored my warning and grumbled, "At least my womanly features are all natural — no need for me to pop some pills to help with my hormones."
There was a moment of silence. Every pair of eyes in the room turned to stare at our table in shock. My mouth was hanging open as I glared at Zoe. I shifted my gaze to Melissa. She looked like she was lost, as though she didn't fully understand what was going on. It took exactly five long seconds for her eyes to widened in shock and soon the shock turned to anger and then disappointment.
"Wow, Zoe, I told you that in confidence." Melissa said in a trembling voice, her eyes were glossy, and instinctively I reached up to pat her hand as she slung her backpack.
Zoe snorted. "I don't have a eating disorder." She folded her arms across her chest and shook her head sideways twice before pouting.
"Exactly. It was a joke, stupid." Melissa walked to the swinging doors. "And oh..." She called over her shoulder. "Thanks. You're such a good friend and yet you wonder why I don't want you at my wedding."
I took pity on her. "Mel wait," I called, looking at her with concern. She looked like she was about to fall apart. Her breathing was hysterical, her eyes blood red, as soon as she was away from preying eyes, she'd cry.