STD

"I told her you were suffering from an STD."
His lips curled up at the edges. "An STD? Disappointedly uncreative. You could've said I'm a serial killer or better yet, have asked her to bring along a friend." He threw his head back and laughed. "You're devious. A mastermind. I'm jealous."
"But you were mad at me," I whispered, pathetically sad.
He was abruptly serious. "I wasn't."
"Yes you were. You didn't speak with me for days."
"You're so blind." He smiled at me ruefully. "It was the longest four days of my life. Ruth was almost responsible for my death. I got on her nerves. We worked on a mission together. It was impossible to keep my distance, to know you were right next door to me and I couldn't even hear your voice. I followed you, everywhere you went, when I had time. I had to make sure you were safe." He grimaced.
"I'm a coward, Nuru," he confessed with shame. "The very first time I laid my eyes on you, I saw a goddess, literally. " He hung his head in shame. "And I was afraid of the rather sharp twinge I felt in my heart. You were quite literally the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. Strange... but in a good way. You'd said hello, an ordinary greeting, something I'd have forgotten had it been anyone but you. And I just knew you were the rare girl I'd spend my lifetime looking for but never find again.
"I was sure I was strong enough... you know — to be able to stay away from you," he continued, he intertwined his finger with mine. "You see, in all my miserable life I thought I was complete. It was only once I'd met you, touched you in the most intimate way that I realized how perfectly you fit me. "
"Followed me? Why didn't you say anything?"
"Yes, I followed you. I couldn't just take chances with you. You're a magnet for danger."
"Why couldn't I see you?" I was devastated, almost angry as I thought back to the worst three days of my entire life.
"I'm trained to blend in, you couldn't have been able to see me even if you knew I was there."
"Oh my god, you went to campus with me?"
"Yes."
"In my class?"
"I'm afraid to admit that one."
"You should have at least given me a call," I argued.
He was confused.
"But I knew those boys were never going to come close to you again."
"Oh?" I frowned. "I was more worried Hazel was going to get close to you."
"Well she didn't. "
"I didn't know that. I —" I hesitated, burying my face further into his chest, hoping to hide my eyes.
"What?" His compelling voice was musical.
"I was — worried that you'd invited her to your bed again. The thought... of you and her, with another woman Roman, it makes me sick. I hate it, too."
He stopped breathing for a minute. Always afraid of losing him, I glanced up, guided. His face grimaced in pain.
"What have I done?" He scowled himself quietly. "Just bought myself a one way ticket straight to the realms of hell."
I was confused by his sudden self loath. "Did I say something wrong again?"
"You don't get it, do you, Nuru?" He looked into my eyes with a hard glare. "It's utterly ridiculous for me to put your life in the crossfire, but a mistake for you to be so accepting of your 'feelings' towards me."
His eyes released mine then, his face in a state of terror. His words were fast, as hard as his eyes, "I don't want to accept that there's absolutely nothing I can do to change your mind." His voice was strange, it cracked as he spoke. "It's unsafe, being so involved. I'm the last thing you need in your life — please, see to reason."
"No." My voice was bleak as I spoke through a tense jaw.
"Grasp that," he grumbled.
"The only thing I grasp is that I can not leave now. It's impossible."
He turned in a sharp, swift motion to glare at my face. His voice was a harsh wave when he spoke. "I never want to hear that."
That stung and I winced, turning away from him. My heart sank into my stomach. I suspected he had no idea how cruel his words were. How hurt I was. I stared into the stars. We'd been sitting here for hours. It must have been midnight by now.
"A penny for your thoughts?" he asked, although genuinely curious, he couldn't quite get rid of the frustration.
I didn't feel like speaking to him right now, afraid I might say something wrong again. I felt as his gaze fell on my face, desperately trying to met mine. But stubbornly, I kept my gaze on the suddenly interesting stars.
"Don't cry," he said, in a low desperate voice. "Oh shit, too late."
Confused I quickly used the back of my hand to wipe across my cheek, and sure enough a lone tear slowly rolled down my face, betraying how high I held my head.
"I can assure you my thoughts are not that expensive," I said instead before he could ask why I was crying — a delayed response to staring into the sky without blinking, I thought bitterly. If only that were the case.
I didn't miss his hesitant left hand as it reached up to trace the trail where the tears once were, but just as quickly he dropped his hand to his lap.
"I apologise." He tried to smile at me but his face was still stone hard as the anger refused to melt away. His eyes rested gently on me and a surge of regret crossed them.
I didn't trust my voice yet and refused to speak, afraid my voice would — just like my eyes — betray me.
"I'm curious," he said after a moment.
"Aren't you always?"
"That's how much you fascinate me." He smiled but it didn't touch his eyes. He was still angry. "Why didn't you just tell the truth? Expose What's-his-face for the liar he is."
"Sid." I corrected him.
He merely rolled his eyes. "Why do you let people walk all over you? I don't understand — you had a chance to be the girl that got away. I'm sure that would have made you popular. Gained you some respect and a fair share of following."
"That would've put me in the spot light. I would have been the centre of attention — and you know how claustrophobic I get with crowds. Almost as spooked as Ruth. It just feels like everyone is looking at me. And if I had tried to expose Sid then I would be as low as he is. Immature." The thought of Sid brought with it a fresh wave of anger.
"You protected his position?" This upset him. "Didn't you think about putting him in his place. Shooting him down."
"Oh, I did," I said with a smile. "In my head at least. I cursed him with every single word I heard the Christians harl at the whore houses as they passed by. It was a lot easier to see his face, imagine the Christian ladies and I'd find myself smiling."
He shook his head. "And you let him believe you were smiling at him?"
I smiled smugly. "Oh no, every time I saw him I'd smile or laugh and it annoyed the hell out of him. He was angry that he didn't break my spirit, that the rumors didn't affect me."
I yawned and realized with despair that I was extremely sleepy.
He took me in his arms and made the two minute walk from the roof top to the house.
"Can I sleep with you tonight?" I tried to sound nonchalant but failed.
"Yes — I feel anxious not being around you," he said. "Go shower, I'll keep the bed warm for you."
It was ridiculous really, after everything we'd been through together, how the seemingly innocent promise made my heart skip a beat. I was unable to control my breathing for a while.
We were in the kitchen by then. The lights were off, the hallway just a few feet away, it was perfectly still. He stopped and loosened his grip on me. But I didn't move.
"Don't... fall asleep just yet," I said with a hesitant voice.
"I'll wait for you."
I considered that for a second, and then with a defeated sigh nodded and slowly pulled myself to a standing position and his arms dropped around my waist. Instantly I shivered, missing his warmth.
"Go on, I'll be right here," he said.
I shook my head and smiled. I had absolutely no doubt about that.
I shifted from foot to foot, my eyes on the hallway leading to the bathroom but my mind on him. I didn't want to leave his side.
"Nuru?"
"Uh huh?" I glanced up at him and staggered backward a step.
"Will you do something for me?"
"Anything." I promised but then I realized my mistake. What if he asked me to sleep in my room from now on? I couldn't be able to do that.
"Try not to stay too long."
I was puzzled for a second. "Why?"
"I need to touch base with the agency."
"And?