Immaculate

“Now on the count of three, you’ll open your eyes and then close them. With your next inhalation and exhalation, allow your body to fully relax, feel the peace. Allow any judgments to flow through you, acknowledge them, and then let them drift away, drifting away like hot-air balloon, high into the sky.
"One... two... three...” the pleasant voice continued.
My eyes opened and closed on their own accord.
“Brilliant… now I need you to count down from twenty-one and with each number you’ll loosen, uncoil and relax all your muscles. After a few numbers you’ll forget what the next number is.
“Countdown… now, slowly, now remember, as you count you’re reaching a total stillness.”
“Twenty-one,” I slurred.
“Breathe,” Nikolai instructed.
“Twenty, nineteen, eighte…en, s…s…s...”
“What’s the next number?” he asked.
I tried to shrug. I couldn’t remember.
“Brilliant!" He clapped. "Oh... this is just Brilliant.”
He allowed a minute to pass.
“N—Now, imagine you’re in a elevator, when I click my fingers the lift will go down to level three, to get there you need to be completely calm.”
He clicked his fingers and my body floated, it was as though I was having an out of body experience.
“When I say wake up, you will open your eyes and look me in the eye and then say Black.” He paused for a minute. “Wake up.”
My eyes flew open. “Black,” I whispered.
Nikolai smiled, pleased with himself. “Brilliant. Now, I want you to listen very carefully, don’t disappoint me.”
I waited.
“An hour before school lets out I want you to take a quick shower, with no soap, leave your clothes in the bathroom, I’ve left a pair of jeans and a t-shirt for you to change into. Do you understand??”
I nodded.
“A cab will be waiting in the parking lot for you,” he spoke slowly. “I want you to smoke while you’re in that car.”
I nodded again.
“That’ll help confuse the trail for a while. Lover boy would have to be psychic to find you now...” His eyes lit up in excitement. “Get off at Wall Street downtown.”
He leaped to his full height. “This will be our little secret, okay?”
I nodded.
“Brilliant. I want you to make sure nobody sees you.” His eyes were practically dancing in anticipation. “Downtown, go to the old warehouse by Spargs, with the red door at the side.”
I couldn’t find my voice as yet. I was still too relaxed, too tired to speak.
“Make sure lover boy doesn’t follow you." He was dancing in excitement — perfect salsa moves. "I'd hate for him to get hurt. I'm sure you don't want that as well...?"
Somehow my foggy brain picked up on the threat.
“Don’t try to fight it,” he mumbled. “I control you now, do I not?”
"Yes."
“How brilliant, Nuru!” He smiled. “I knew I could count on you. When I leave this room I want you to act normal, don’t wake up until I tell you to, understand?”
"Yes."
“One more thing — it's of utmost importance — it’s utterly fundamental that you pretend to be suffering from a headache. Go to the cafeteria, enjoy your lunch break, and don’t act suspicious.”
I couldn’t disobey him. "Yes."
“Be very careful, Nuru, avoid any mistakes.”
"Yes," I whispered again.
“Now, I’m leaving,” he mumbled. “When I close the door, your eyes will blink for the first time since I got here, you won’t recall seeing me or our time together, you’ll only remember the instructions? No?"
"Yes."
“How Brilliant,” he congratulated. “I don’t like waiting; do try to hurry after school. Will you do that — for me... for us?”
“Yes,” I slurred.
“Brilliant! I can’t wait to see you.”
And then he disappeared and I blinked

Chapter Eighteen


Frozen in place, I sat staring at my hands. My mind was foggy, unclear, like I was forgetting something important and then a small compelling command reached my consciousness — you have to make sure lover boy doesn't follow, you have to pretend you're sick. You have to act normal. It was only a dream, I realized.
Slowly, too slowly, the fog started to vanish as my mind focused again. Was I dreaming? It felt like I was but it was one of those dreams that refused to be remembered in full. A shiver of unease rolled through me. The room was unusually dark. I glanced out of the window. There were dark, misty, clouds hanging low enough to touch. But the fog outside gave no indication whether it was day or night. I pressed the 'on' button on my phone and the screen lit up with a picture of my mother. Jennie. My heart twisted. The time read ten forty five. It was morning then. A Sunday morning.
The phone rung and I sprinted downstairs to get it. There was no one else in the house, it seemed, and the kitchen was in its usual mess, dirty dishes everywhere, beer bottles on the table, cigarette buds on the floor.
"Hello?" I answered breathlessly.
The dial tone answered back. I sighed in irritation, all that running for nothing. I got a trash bag and loaded the bottles into it. When I was done with the dishes and putting back everything where it belonged, the house looked foreign, unrecognisable. Clean.
I fished out a bowl and some Coco Pops, and warmed the milk. I poured the milk and cereal in the bowl and got a spoon. I pulled a chair and sat at the table, not sure how long I'd remain sane without seeing him.
Was Roman okay? What if something bad happened to him? I moved the cereal around in the bowl and stared expectantly at my phone. Should I call him? I drummed my fingers against the table as I watched the black clock over Jennie's white fridge.
I glared at the phone screen, tensing as I considered the possible outcomes of the confrontation Roman had last night with Albert. My heart thudded louder with each second that passed, and the furrow popped in place as I continued to watch. To be completely honest, I was anxious, worried that I might never get to see Roman alive again — that would kill me.
I was losing my mind with worry.
Another hour passed. My Coco Pops had turned to chocolate pudding by then. I sat at the very edge of my seat, agitated. I would give it another thirty minutes until I called Ruth. She would know something.
There was a knock at the door and I blinked swiftly, pushing back my chair hastily, and running up to the door, it had to be Roman, if not, I wasn't sure I could take anymore disappointment today.
Of course it was him, he looked as beautiful as I'd seen him last, dressed exceptionally well but I felt no relief, no sense of belonging like I normally did when I saw him. I didn’t feel like I'd just been rewarded with the gift of air, like I was suffocating and he was my only remedy, instead I felt oddly nervous and a stabbing pain shot through my chest and left it gaping open.
“Nuru, are you alright?” he asked, his voice anxious. The blank look in my eyes, the lack of color in my cheeks, the rigid way I held my body told him something was wrong. "You look pale."
“I think I have a headache," I said honestly. My head hurt with a sudden jolt. It felt like I'd been struck by lightening.
I pushed back the anxiety, something — a memory tried to break through my consciousness but a much more powerful force, a much more stronger one blocked it.
Roman nodded once and turned back on his heels and headed the opposite direction, down the hall with a command for me to wait for him.
The thought of being away from Roman tormented me. It broke my heart.
Tears of frustration welled up in her eyes. What was so important but I couldn't remember?
“Nuru...?” His panicky voice reached me before his face appeared around the corner. “I hate it when you cry. Is it that bad, your headache? Do you want me to take you to the hospital?”
I shook my head.
He made me swallow two white pills — For a split second that seemed much longer than it really was, I deliberated. If it was any other day I would have given him hell — and drink a full glass of water. His worried face inches from mine.