Considering Murder

My body went cold. Maybe there was another way to deal with this... there had to be.
"You mean kill him?" It was hard to speak calmly, not to give myself away. I was almost hysterical.
He squeezed my hand and sped up. And my heart reacted nervously. "That's the only option."
"I guess you know where he is?"
"Don't worry, Nuru, I'll find him." He looked at me and hesitated. "Maybe I should tell you this before you hear it from someone else."
I sensed the anxiety in his voice and instantly I was alert.
"Nikolai wasn't completely honest with your mother. He didn't just want me dead. He ordered a hit on me because he wants me out of the way." His voice was tortured. "Nikolai wouldn't kill you — well at least not yet — it seems he has bigger, Greater plans and those scare me. He had fake passports made, two passports, the other for himself and the other one for you."
"What have I done?" I asked, my voice caught in my throat, and my heart disappeared in my chest, leaving an empty shallow space. I clutched my chest, gasping for air. "I'm so sorry, Roman."
I felt the car shift slightly out of balance as Roman worried about me. He put his arm around my shoulder, and he looked so troubled. "What are you on about?"
"He wants to kill you and it's all my fault."
"Nuru," he began, his voice low and frustrated. "If anyone is to blame here, it's me. When I showed interest in you, I gave him a challenge. In his mind, you're his. He controls you. He tells you what to do, who to love, who enters your life. And I'm not part of the approved list." His voice was full of disgust.
"You mean his, like a daughter... right?" I asked hesitantly.
"No," he said in annoyance. His mouth pulling down at the corners. The tone of his voice disturbed me.
I shuddered, the very thought of what Roman meant making my stomach twist uncomfortably. I saw the familiar dirt road and realized we were getting closer to home.
Then something sunk in.
"You said you have to kill him?" I asked.
He threw me a disbelieving look. "Is that a question?"
"You guys — You and Nikolai — you can't kill your professional competitor. If you kill Nikolai..." I paused and shook my head, my voice was dangerously edging to panic. "Do you realize what that means?"
He shrugged.
"Dammit, Roman! You gonna get yourself killed!" I bit my lip, fighting the panic. "And Ruth... and Kate. It'll turn into a free-for-all."
"It's a choice I'm willing to take to ensure your safety." His expression was unreadable as his eyes found my face but his tone was almost smug when he continued. "I just need to kill Nikolai, and wait for them to come kill me." He grimaced. "Nuru, if I'm dead, no one will bother you, you'll be safe again. When I'm dead, you can be happy and live a normal life."
I quickly placed my hands over my ears to prevent myself from hearing any more. But his voice penetrated through my hands. I shook my head, nausea settling in my stomach.
"Roman, if you think you're living me here, on earth, alone, then you're wrong. If you die, I'm following." My voice was mater-of-fact.
Roman's face fell. "You don't mean what I think you do."
"I dare you Roman, die on me and know that you killed me too." My voice was raw.
He stiffened. "Are you insane?"
"Your death would drive me to insanity — what's the difference if I start losing it now?"
He glared at me. "You're crazy."
"About you? Yes."
"Fuck, fuck, fuck." His palms came down against the steering wheel with each time he said the word. He drove up to the garage and parked. The house was dark and as the car's engine died, Roman used the flashlight from his phone.
He walked behind me to the house.
He flickered the lights on and turned to glare at me. Tremors of anger were making his body convulse. His face was sullen.
"Don't do anything stupid," he snapped at me.
I cupped his cheek. "Do you promise not to die?"
He turned to punch the wall and the silence filled with his knuckles cracking. He didn't even flinch in pain.
"Oh no, Roman," I gasped. "What have you done?" I scowled as I took his hand and pulled him to the bathroom. He followed behind me. By this point blood oozed from his entire hand it seemed. It looked like he still wanted to punch something.
I retrieved the first aid kit from the medicine cabinet and began to work on his injured hand. The blood made my head spin. I moaned and gulped. It really wouldn't do me good if I started spilling my guts out.
"You look green," he told me as he pushed the window open to let the cool wet night air in, hoping it would help calm me.
I shrugged and a shiver rocked through me. I was freezing. He pulled the window shut again.
"You don't have to do this," he protested quickly, his eyes anxiously searching my face. "I can take care of myself."
"I know you can but that's what I'm here for, silly."
"I've never seen you so green before." He touched his fingertips to my forehead. "At least you aren't burning up — at least not yet."
I groaned as another gag convulsed through me. I held my breath. I could feel the color leave my face. I felt sick. I hoped my stomach could stand the sight much longer. I wasn't breathing.
Roman was quiet, thoughtful. His jaw was still clenched.
"Has it ever occurred to you that perhaps I love you more than you could ever love me?" He asked, his tone harsh.
"That's impossible," I told him honestly.
I concentrated on breathing through my mouth. When there was no longer blood, I sneaked a breath through my nose, the scent was still heady with the bitter smell of blood. Sweat broke out in my forehead. I was sure my face was ashen.
The door bell rang.
"I'll get it." I said, jumping up and making my way to the front door. Glad I had an excuse to get fresh air. I threw the door open and gasped, not for breath but because of the woman standing before me. I had never seen a woman as beautiful as the one that stood glaring at me with impatience.
The out-of-this-world beautiful brunette pushed past me and I moved to the side to allow the suitcase she wheeled behind her in.
"Get Roman for me," she ordered me.
I looked up at the woman a head taller than me and nodded. Making my way back to the bedroom, my stomach unsettled uneasily.
"You have a visitor," I said.
He frowned, staring into my eyes and biting his lip. "I thought I told Anton we'll meet tomorrow." He pushed himself to his full height and came to stand in front of me.
Roman curled his hand around the back of my neck and pulled me to him. He kissed my forehead.
"I love you," he whispered against my lips. His warm breath tickled my skin.
"I know." I whispered sourly. My voice cracked. I took a step away from him and his hand dropped.
I faced away from him and with a sigh started for the door.
He quickly reached out and took my hand firmly, wrapping his other hand around my waist and pulling me against him when I tried to pull away again.
"Now, just hold on a minute, Nuru," he said in a worried voice. "Tell me what's wrong?"
I grimaced. "Nothing."
He hesitated. "Did Anton say something to you?" His eyes searched mine. "I have never seen such fury in your eyes before. You're normally in control of your emotions."
I sighed and shook my head. "It's nothing like that, now go."
He studied me for a second and then dropped the hand around my waist.
"Come along," he said when I hesitated behind him.
I nodded, grateful. Something about that woman made my stomach turn uncomfortably.
He walked quickly to the kitchen, pulling me along. He rocked on his heels when he saw my source of panic. He tightened his hand around mine. His skin blazed under my fingers.
"Regina?" He stiffened and nodded once in greeting. "What are you doing here?"