The Spy

After Melissa stormed off through the door, the cafeteria was alive again. Everyone shouting at once. Questions bubbling up from every direction, from, is Melissa really transgender to she's a man? I so knew she was a man.
I got up to follow after her. I would deal with Zoe later. I ran down the hallways, stopping to pop my head in classrooms, the bathroom, the library but I couldn't find her. I hoped she was strong enough to face this head on. I hoped she wouldn't do anything stupid. I shook my head when the thought of her crossed my mind. How could Zoe do something like this to Melissa. To such a kind soul? Melissa didn't have an ounce of bad in her.
I stormed into the bathroom to wash my face. The bell rang just as I was walking out, I speed-walked back to the cafeteria to get my backpack. I got to my next class with just enough time to take a seat before the English teacher walked in.
"Did you find her?" Zoe whispered the second I sat down.
"Stop pretending like you care." My tone was sharp.
"She's my friend too."
I snorted. "You showed your friendship quite nicely in the cafeteria."
"I'm sorry."
"Yeah right!" I said curtly, focusing on the teacher instead.
"Really, I am." Zoe insisted in a hushed voice.
"I'm not the one you should be apologising to."
When the school day was finally done, I made a ran for the parking lot. The air outside was swaying at a slow pace, it brought the salty taste of the ocean with it. It was cool and fresh. I took a huge breath and picked up my pace.
Roman was parked in his usual spot. I waved at him and he waved back and for a long time all we could do was stare at each other. He slipped in the car and waited while I walked swiftly towards the white Ferrari. I didn't want to be too obvious that I had missed him. I paused for a long second to breath, and then opened the door and stepped in. He didn't seem to have noticed me at all, he was watching the students pour out of the buildings in a hurry and slide into their cars.
"Roman?" Saying his name shouldn't have been so natural for me, as though it was my given right to call him that way.
He turned slowly towards me with a smile. His posture relaxed — I rolled the tension off my shoulders. He hadn't caught on to my betrayal — yet.
I groaned.
"What?" He asked, the smile still on his face, making him all the more glorious.
It was so ridiculously good to hear his voice. "Nothing," I finally grumbled.
He frowned at me impatiently. "I hate when you keep things from me."
I gulped. "I've decided the answer to the question you asked a couple of weeks back."
"That was fast." he chuckled. "What changed. I thought you needed a month at least."
"I lied," I whispered, looking at the trees as we passed them. I knew that his gaze would be on me and the intensity of it was the last thing my heart, or breath needed. "I've always known the answer to that. You're too perfect for me, Roman."
He was quiet for the longest time and I knew I had set him off again.
"This is much more complicated than I assumed," he spoke with a hard voice.
We sat in the awkward silence, I refused to break it first, I didn't want to say something stupid again, something that would upset him.
"How was your day?" he asked finally. His eyes roamed over my body, and lingered on my face. I assumed he was checking to see if I was hurt.
Better now that he was here. "Good," I said, glancing at him, he still had his eyes narrowed and I shifted uncomfortably. "How was yours?"
His forehead creased as though he was thinking of something unpleasant. "I survived."
I waited for more and when I realized this was the only answer he'd give me I blinked, bewildered and disappointed.
"Can I know just one thing?" I asked when the silence became too tense.
"Sure."
"You said Julius has children." I closed my eyes and leaned against the seat. "Do they know?"
He hesitated before answering. "Of course not. He's not stupid." he paused. "This is not a world you'd want your kids involved in — it's not a world I wanted to involve you in — I had to tell you something. To let you in into the world of the unseen. I didn't see how you'd have forgiven me for the Hazel incident had I continued keeping secrets from you."
I sat very still and closed my eyes, counting each time I took a breath. His voice was making my heart run crazy again.
The seconds turned into minutes, and I had almost managed the normal beat of my heart, forcing any and all thoughts Roman away from my conscious. And then suddenly, Roman's breath was tickling the flyaway hairs on my neck, his lips almost touching my ear. My heart jumped, startled.
My eyes shot open. "What are you doing?"
He was startled and he leaned back towards his seat.
"Oh?" His eyes lit up in surprise. "You're awake?"
"Yes," I gasped.
He smirked for a moment, but he didn't offer me an explanation. I couldn't help but wonder just what he was doing.
"You're obviously thinking about something," he whispered after a few minutes. "Tell me about it, please?"
I was almost afraid to ask him this question, afraid of his reaction. "Promise you won't be mad?"
I glanced at him, my eyes silently pleading.
"I don't have the strength to be angry with you," he confessed. "Even if I were to get angry, the need to hear your voice again, to see your smile would outweigh the anger."
I swallowed. "Was Roman Reeves someone else?" I decided to look away from his face. "Did you kill him?"
He sighed in relief and shrugged. "I'm sure there are plenty of Roman Reeves out there who have died — none of which I killed. Roman was my rebirth, a way for me to keep going without the past clinging to my shoulders. Being Bradley certainly felt like atlas, like carrying the world on my shoulders. As Roman it's easier — living with the guilt — I failed to protect my father. He didn't deserve to die the way he did."
"Unconditional love," I mumbled. "You love him so,"
Though he'd never said so, it was clear in the way Roman spoke about him, the way he normally called his name, as if it was something fragile, something he needed to shield from the evil forces of this world.
"Did he pass away instantly?"
"Yes... no," he whispered darkly, hesitating, his eyes never once breaking away from the road. "When he fell, he landed face first on the road and the force of the crash cut off his jugular vein and so I suppose he wasn't feeling the pain anymore. He was brain-dead. He died an hour later."
My mind shifted to the day of the murders as I considered what he'd told me. The pain, the fright, the helplessness Roman's mother felt was suddenly mine. Tears blinded my vision. Roman waited patiently but I could see that he saw it again, too. Maybe a little too brutally than I did. He'd lived through it and now I'd taken him to the most horrific day of his life.
"You said Anton helped with the birth of Roman." I sighed, not sure how to phrase it. "How did they know Bradley, in fact why did they save you? It wasn't their... fight. Don't get me wrong, I'm eternally grateful they did. I just don't get why they would bother. You were a total stranger."
He silently found a spot to park in at the side of the road and looked at me with apprehension. "I need you to do something for me... first. Before I can be able to answer you."
I studied him for a minute, I had never seen Roman so scared.
"Okay."
"You can be angry with me, curse me, hit me but just... don't hate me. Worst yet... don't cut me out of your life." His tone was that of a terrified, frightened man. "I can live with everything but the thought of you hating me..." he made an almost whizzing sound, shaking his head. "That terrifies the shit out of me."
"Shit. Ew." I tried to laugh but there was something odd about my laugh.
He deliberated, choosing his words carefully. "At that time — the era of my death. There was also an agent, one of our company's toughest agents. He just suddenly disappeared, without a trace."
I didn't say a word as I waited for him to continue.
"And they needed someone to find him, someone they could recruit only for the sole purpose of finding out what happened to him. Someone who had nothing to lose and here we are."
"Did you find the agent?" Why was I suddenly afraid of the answer?