BREEZE

I got to my car and speed home with the windows rolled down, the clean, wet rain didn't bother me as much as it would've had Roman been here. Roman! I pressed harder on the gas. Roman! Was he okay? I suddenly wondered. What was he doing? Did he not feel the discomfort — discomfort of not being able to see me? But most importantly, did he think of me as much as I thought of him? Did I matter to him at all?
I grumbled. I was frustrated. I heard the tempo of my heart increase. Seriously? I scowled my reflection in the mirror. My heart only quickened. My mouth dropped.
"Dammit Roman!" My heart drummed louder. "The least you could do is call."
My hand hesitated on the CD. A sudden gust of wind crashed into me from the open window and it came with the mouthwatering scent of cheddar cheese and mushrooms. I pulled to a stop in front of Baked Alaska and brought myself a large pizza.
"Hello, Nuru," a pleasant voice said.
I turned my head a fraction toward the familiar voice. "Thomas!"
"Hi Nuru," he said, looking at his feet.
I frowned up at him. Was I suppose to say hi again?
He hesitated where he stood. It looked like he wanted to come closer.
I tensed. This was not good.
"Yes, Thomas?"
"I... um," he blushed, staring at the wall to hide his hot cheeks. "Would you like to go watch a movie or go to dinner sometime?"
"A date?"
"Well..." he began, stretching the back of his head, taken aback by the alarm in my voice. "I don't mean tonight. I was thinking we could go this Saturday?"
"Oh Thomas." My voice colored with sympathy.
He waited.
"I can't."
"Why?" He asked. He took a step and closed the distance between us. "Is there someone else?"
"Yes," I lied.
He stared at me, unconvinced. "Nuru, I know there's no one else."
I felt my body go rigid. "How would you know?"
"I..." he looked away guiltily.
I laughed nervously, attempting to joke. "You haven't been following me around have you?"
The guilt didn't wash away. I froze. "You've been spying on me?"
"Yes."
I paused for a moment, hesitating. My nerves were stretched tight.
"Oh no." I clenched my teeth.
It worried and scared me that he'd been following me. Just how much did he know about me? Did he know about the job that introduced me to Roman? Did he know about Roman? About Bill and Jennie?
I felt the familiar wave of panic slam into me.
"So...?" he probed.
"When did you start following me?"
He frowned, suddenly panicked. "The day I first spoke to you."
I exhaled slowly. Relieved. I hoped he wouldn't notice.
"Can I call you then?"
"Look, Thomas—"
He raised a hand to silence me. "I know following you around might have creeped you out."
"You think?"
"Let me finish, please."
He waited while I calmed my anger.
"I was curious about you," he explained, his intense eyes coming to rest on my face. They jumbled my thoughts for a second. Not the usual, Roman way. This was unsettling. "I'd like to get to know you is all."
"I don't date... ever."
"I know."
"So why are you asking me out?"
"You have to start sometime, why not now?"
"With you?" My voice was so unbelieving that it actually sounded rude.
He nodded uneasily. A bruise on his ego.
"Sorry," I mumbled. "I'm being rude. I'm just surprised."
He nodded, nervous.
"I don't want to string you along," I continued when it didn't seem like he was going to talk.
"I'm a big boy. It's only a phone number."
I sighed wearily. "Just promise you won't have any expectations."
He placed a hand across his chest. "I promise."
I punched in my phone number on his navy blackberry. I was about to wave goodbye when I noticed the conflicted twist on his features.
"Was there something else?" I asked warily.
"Are you okay?" He was looking at my bruised face and the gigantic lump.
"Yes."
"I could tell Josh—"
"No no, please don't."
"But—"
I interrupted him again. "I don't want you to get hurt."
"I can take care of myself pretty nicely." He pushed out his chest in a way that also added an inch to his height. He flexed the muscles on his arms.
I resisted the string edge to roll my eyes at him.
"Still..." I said, my voice wry. "I'd much rather be safe rather than sorry."
This offended him.
"I have to go," I mumbled, before I could say something stupid. "I'm sorry.
He hesitated for a moment before he touched my face and then turned, emotionless, to walk to his friends seating farther across the room.
I watched him, my eyes startled, almost bewildered and my mind spun with questions. Why now? Why didn't Thomas notice me before? Why did he have to come only after I'd met Roman?
I turned and stormed out, back into the car, irritated. My cheeks flushed with the burning ache in my heart. Was it anger?
At home, I watched a local soapie and snacked on some poptarts. When it was time to sleep, I yet again slept in Roman's room. Distressed, I woke up in the middle of the night and couldn’t sleep for the rest of the night. The bags under my eyes were starting to look purple as the days grew closer to a week so did the tension. I was happy time was moving, it meant he'd be back soon. I realized I couldn't wait another anguishing week to see his face.
And that's what pushed me to get out of bed each morning. That glimmer of hope that today, maybe now, Roman was on his way back. I was pathetic to feel that way. And yet, here I was, imaging his fingers against my skin. I groaned and threw the covers to the floor. I ate my cereal at a painfully slow pace. I wasn’t eager to go to campus, where Josh and his friends would be waiting to inflict more pain on me. And Thomas... I took a breath and held it in my lungs for as long as I could.
And then there was the last man in my life, Roman. I felt a pang of unease. This... fascination I had with him was stupid.
"I'm so screwed," I mumbled to myself.
The thought of his flawless face had something larger than butterflies crushing against the fragile walls of my stomach. Why couldn’t I get him out of my mind?
And the last couple of days had been horrible, I came home with new bruises everyday. Kyle too accidentally got bruises but I realized I was more miserable than he was. It took my brain half a second to come up with a reason why, it was Roman. He'd started probing the butterflies-in-the-stomach feeling. The very thought of him raised my oxytocin levels when I woke up. And during the hours of the day I'd find myself thinking of him with a smile on my face. And when I came home, I'd check his bedroom first to see if he wasn't back.
The rain was back Friday morning. It was the perfect weather for me to stay in the comfort of my bed and sleep the whole day with an occasional break for coffee and snacks. I had to take ten extra minutes to get to Campus. Sadly, Roman's expensive car wasn't built to survive an accident and if I lived through it, where would I find the money to replace it?
I slowed my pace further when the school came to view and parked, deliberating, a sense of dread washing over me. Kyle was running towards me, two boys behind him. I got out of the car and another boy, who had dyed his hair green tripped me by sticking his foot out when I took a step.
"Sorry," he said with a smile. "Be careful now."
oh what the hell, I was skipping school today, I turned the ignition when Kyle was safely in the comfort of the passenger sit and drove back home.
Blood dripped from my nose to my lap. My eyes were glossy from the anger and pain. I couldn't take anymore of these 'accidents' and a small naive voice in the back of my head said if Roman was here none of this would be happening.
I drove faster. Fifteen minutes later Kyle was still trying to get me to take Tylenol. I closed my eyes in disgust, slapping his hand away.