Hypnosis

"I'm going to get you a gun," he continued, his eyes glowed with rage. "I want you to be able to defend yourself. I want you to be protected against all men... including me — although I give you my word, I would never lay a hand on you... but I don't want you to have my word." his voice was hoarse with cutting, hot anger. "I want you to have an urgency of protection. Men are sharks, with teeth and they bite."
I sat without moving, terrified.
His eyes took me in — my hands were trembling, my eyes were wide with fear, and my chest was moving uncontrollably — and then he sighed, sadness took over his beautiful features.
"What have I done?" He murmured, his voice still hard. "I've behaved so rudely in the presence of a lady. I'm sorry."
I blinked up at him, my voice stuck in my throat.
"I'm sorry," he said again, this time he had a better handle of his emotions, his voice was lighter. "I won't hurt you, I promise."
He slowly, cautiously, moved his hand towards me. Giving me enough time to flinch away from him if I wanted. He cupped my cheek gently.
"Please forgive me?" He pleaded, his voice both ashamed and remorseful.
I frowned.
"Did I scare you?" His fingers lightly trapped the unshed tears hanging from my lashes.
"No," I said softly, my voice was shaky. I was breathless.
He ran his hand down my cheek to my collarbone and then settled it at the back of my neck.
He hesitated before he spoke.
"Then why do you look like you're about to cry?" His repentant voice broke through my reverie.
"Roman, even now, when I'm suppose to be scared of what you might do, I'm intrigued." I looked down in shame. "Now that... terrifies me."
"Do you realize that my line of work puts you in danger?" His face was void of any emotion. "That they would make sure they break us up if anyone ever found out?"
"Yes."
"Being with me means that you're the first target my enemies will use you as leverage?"
"It doesn't matter."
He glared at me. "You might die."
"I realize that." My tone made him intensify his glare. A moment passed as I thought through my response. "Roman" — I glanced at him grimly and took his hands into my lap — "You're worrying for all the wrong reasons. Do you realize that if they knew about us, the world out there, they will take you to jail?"
"I don't care."
"I can't live without you Roman." I felt like breath had been knocked out of me. "Please... don't make me."
He looked down at his hands as I doodled aimlessly at them.
"Nuru," he spoke slowly. "I will stay for as long as you want me."
"I will always want you, Roman." I shivered. "I can't imagine why you would risk your freedom, your reputation to be with me."
"If I get to be with you like this..." His eyes were suddenly shining in the night. Where those tears I saw? "How can I bring myself to regret the choices that led me to you?" He hesitated. "Would you understand, much... if I told you that there is no me without you. That given the choice, if fate hadn't interfered, I'd still be with you in this very moment?"
"You think fate brought us together?"
"I don't think," he took a relaxing breath. "I know. Fact. You're my destiny."
"Then you must understand..." I hesitated, knowing my brutal honesty would upset him. "If death is my punishment for loving you, then gladly, as you see... I'm walking down this path."
"Damn it, Nuru." His voice was cold. "Don't you care about anything at all?"
"Just one," I admitted in a whisper. "I care about you."
He turned bitter eyes on me and glared at my face. "You weren't suppose to get so involved. I'm a selfish bastard aren't I?" His voice turned mocking. "I know the best option for you is for me to leave you alone but I'm too damn weak to even imagine a day without you."
"Now you're having second thoughts," I sighed. "I should not have said a word."
"No," he said curtly. "I've always loved the fact that you're brutally honest with me. I'm so angry."
"I'm sorry, then.. Roman."
"I'm not angry with you." But still he glared at me. "I infuriate myself. I can't do the most honourable thing."
"What's that?"
"I can't stay away from you."
"Then don't," I commanded. "Roman? "
"Yes?"
"You meant it when you said you care about me?"
"What kind of question is that."
"Answer me."
"You know I do," he said through gritted teeth.
"Then promise me one thing."
"What's that"? he asked. His lips pressed together into a cautious line
I took a nervous breath. "Promise that from now on my happiness comes first, not my safety."
He smiled at me and stole my breath away. "That's not an option."
"Okay..." I smiled, happy that his anger was slowly fading. He stared down at me with an intense look that melted my insides. I fidgeted with my hands and then more afraid that his gaze would melt me than ever before I buried my face into his chest.
I smiled as Roman let out the familiar sigh he always did when he had me in his arms. The worst was over.
"I am almost embarrassed to ask — but I'm gonna ask anyway — and try not to embarrass me further by laughing."
He chuckled. "I'm waiting."
"How does it work — your job?" I stared out into the night. "Do you just walk in into your offices, someone brings you coffee, and then you sit around the table and discuss what the latest treat is?"
"Not really, generally — remember I can't tell you everything — the ...political leaders decide there's a need to find out something secret, for example, which route the Russia intelligence is using to smuggle recruits into America. A whole bunch of people — targeting officers, M15, reports officer, agent runner — work together in finding out who is better suited to fish information from a possible informant." he paused thinking carefully, making sure to edit as much as he could. "Once it's been passed to the reports officer who then determines if it's creditable. If it is, then the info is passed back to the... folks that asked the question in the first place. That's generally how it works."
"You mentioned that Ruth is a agent-runner... what exactly is that?"
"She finds individuals with access to secret intelligence."
"How does she do it?"
He raised an eyebrow.
"I mean, I kinda thought, agents were all hot, sexy, young." I sighed. "Ruth is spotting gray hairs."
"You can never know what motivates people. An extra hundred grand will work in Ruth's favor, plus she's a charmer, " he chuckled. "This is real life. Secret agents or people who work within the organisation are normal people. The average Joe and Jane."
"But don't you have to jump through electrical fences?"
"Myth," he chuckled. "Though most agents do run fast and know karate, judo, taekwondo etc. Not every one of us can jump over fences or fight as effortlessly as they do in the movies."
"How many languages are secret agents required to know?"
"Where do you get these ideas?" He sounded appalled. "There isn't a required number of languages — though it's recommended to know a few languages."
"How many languages do you know?"
"Pashto, Russian, Farci, Italian, Arabic, and Dutch."
We sat in a peaceful silence for a few minutes, the sky above us was clear, majestic as the stars blinked against the galaxy. The tranquil, beautiful night lulling us into a relaxed state.
"Aren't you going to ask the most important question yet?"
I filled my cheeks with air and let it out noisily. "What question?"
"How many people I've killed?"
I cringed. "No."
"No?"He looked up at me then, his eyes hypnotic.