Secrets that bind

I stopped breathing. His confusion began to make sense. I had slipped — made a stupid error. I realized my mistake a moment too late. Carmine was suppose to be missing, not dead, to the good people of Port Edward. My head started to spin and I felt like all the air had suddenly been sucked out of the room. My chest constructed and I couldn’t seem to draw in a big enough breath.
“You can't,” I mumbled weakly.
"Okay,” Roman said, placing a fresh pack of ice on my forehead . “Don’t tell me. But you trust me, right?” He tried to meet my eyes, but I refused to look at him. I knew the intensity of his gaze would compel me to tell the truth.
My body began to shift in his direction, my chin began to lift and then I stopped myself and glowered at the walls instead. I caught myself trying to distinguish the sound of his heartbeat from my own. They were in full contrast of each other. His was lazy, calm, as though he was in a deep sleep and mine was... chaotic, speeding, stopping, slowing only to pick up momentum again at double the speed.
That was embarrassing to listen to. And now, I had no choice but to search his face. To find out if he knew about my unusual stuttering heart. A condition I didn't suffer from when I had no clue he existed.
I stared into his curious blue eyes. They were soft and earnest. It wasn’t that I didn’t think he could keep a secret; I was sure he would. I trusted him, I realized. I had to tell someone. Maybe he could understand. What did I have to lose? And while at it, maybe, just maybe, I could lessen the guilt.
I opened my mouth to say something, to begin the horrific tale of my father's death but then lost my nerve. I pushed the memory of my father, his blood all over the kitchen floor, away from my mind. I hoped Roman didn't notice the panic seep into my pores.
“You can't ever tell anyone. Like ever!”
He ground his teeth and scowled me. “I wasn't planning to tell anyone.”
I grimaced at him but surprisingly my voice remained callous. “Swear to me.”
"I do."
He meant it — I saw it in his eyes. I could trust him to keep my secret.
I bit the corner of my lip to hide my smile. I wanted to test his patience. To see if he'd humor me. “No, I need to hear you say it, Roman.”
“Ok, I promise.” he spoke each word with deliberate slowness.
"No, repeat after me." I raised my right hand and my face almost crumbled in laughter. "I, Roman Reeves, solemnly —"
His face was actually blank for a second and then he recovered and stared at me in shock, his jaw dropping. "Seriously?"
I shrugged and tried to hide my amusement at the disbelief in his face. It was endearing.
He sighed and raised his hand as well. "Ok. But just so you know, this is stupid."
"I, Roman Reeves solemnly swear that I will never tell anyone what I'm about to hear." I was surprisingly calm. The laughter tickling at the back of my throat made it hard to keep a straight face. "Say it now."
He repeated after me. "Satisfied now?" He asked when he was done.
I laughed and he just stared at me, waiting.
"Not really," I mumbled. "You've got to know that no matter what happens, they'd be no condition that allows you to tell any one." My emphasis on no condition was perfectly clear.
"Nuru, relax! I can keep a secret." He smiled in reassurance. "I'm good at that. In fact it's my job to keep secrets."
I took a huge breath and held it in for as long as I could.
This made him impatient. He sighed in irritation. "I'm unbelievably curious," he admitted.
For the next second I gathered my courage, knowing if I crossed this bridge, there was no point of return.
He groaned and pushed a frustrated hand through his hair.
"My mother shot him," I began nervously, shutting my eyes. I didn't want to see the disappointed look I knew would be in his face. "My father was very much in love with Jennie. I seriously doubt her reasons for killing him — she says he got angry after her infidelity secret came out and he was going to kill her but I think, perhaps, it had to do with what she gained to inherit. I'm such a horrible person. I even helped her put his body in the freezer."
He looked at me for a long time, searching my face. I could feel his questioning gaze but I never opened my eyes.
"Where is the body now?" His voice was calm.
I sighed, shaky. "Down in the basement."
I peered at him and quickly closed my eyes before he caught me. He was staring with his mouth slightly open.
"What was your father like?"
I couldn't stand not knowing what he really thought of me now. Did he hate me as much as I hated myself? Did he too think I was a horrible person for protecting a murderer? I glanced over to see him studying me with a curious, hungry gaze.
"He was a great father to me. I never heard him raise his voice, he never lost patience with me. He was involved in every aspect of my life. He had red hair that was almost orange, a pale complexion, I could never get the colour of his eyes. They changed with the weather. And when he smiled... Jesus, when he smiled Roman I just knew everything would be okay." I stopped suddenly, blinking the tears away. Talking about him after all this time made my grief fresh.
"Must have been a great father indeed," he sighed, nodding along with his words. "You turned up okay. More than okay in fact."
"I guess."
He settled a box of chocolates between us.
I smiled. "Ah, the fastest way to a girl's heart." I nodded approvingly. "Nice."