My returning

"Riya's point of view,"
"Riya, where will you be celebrating your birthday today?" On the phone, Ankur asked.
"Party? You should know that I no longer celebrate my birthday."
"Riya, how much longer are you going to be stuck in the past? It's been four years; you should be able to put the incident in the rearview mirror at this point." In his voice, he expressed worry for me.
"Is it so easy to heal old wounds?" I know it's been four years since that incident, but I still feel as if I just lost my child yesterday, and that I've only just walked away from Harsh's life, leaving Harsh alone.
In the last four years, my life has had many difficulties, but I never gave up, and as a result, my name has been added to the list of top entrepreneurs in the American business world, but this progress has only occurred in my professional life. Even today, I am wallowing in the remorse of betraying Harsh in my personal life.
"Although healing old wounds is difficult, should we stop applying ointment to them?" I know what he wants to say to me, but no one else in my life can take Harsh's place.
"Ankur, after the death of your wife, were you able to find a new love in your life? You, too, are spending your days with the help of her memories." It was quiet for a bit after he finished listening to me.
I recall Ankur telling me on our Shimla trip we were both on the same boat ride. I couldn't understand his poetry, but when he told me about his past, I thought he and I were in the same boat. When I told him about my misdeeds in the hospital, I was shocked to find him sympathizing with me rather than hating me. I've learned a lot about Ankur throughout the years. And, after Harsh, Ankur is the only one who has filled the void left by a friend in my life.
"I have no choice but to regret my mistakes, but you still do so. Harsh loves you a lot, and I'm confident that if you apologize to him for your mistakes, he'll forgive you." His voice was serious, and I could tell his eyes were moist from remembering his wife.
Like me, he cheated on his wife, and when she discovered the truth, she committed suicide. She did not allow Ankur to apologize for his misdeeds. I am fortunate that Harsh did not commit suicide despite knowing everything; if anything tragic happened to him because of my actions, I could never forgive myself.
"Are you crying now?" I know he'll lie to me again today like he always does, but I couldn't help myself from asking this question.
As he spoke, he normalized his tone and said, "No, men do not cry."
"When I return to that place, how will I deal with my past?" I inquired, my voice trembling.
"Will you let your career suffer because of your personal life? Do you truly want the most important deal of your career to be taken away from you?"
"No, I don't want it at all."
"Then don't waste any time, pack your belongings, and return to India. How long has this friend been waiting for your birthday celebration?" It overjoyed him when he learned of my return.
But I didn't want to return; I had vowed that day in the hospital that I would never return to Harsh's life. That is why I left not only that city but also the country. However, I now have to return to India because of a business deal, and my bad luck is that the company is in the same city that I left 4 years ago.
I might not have run away from there if Ankur had not helped me that day, but I am grateful to him for understanding my problem and supporting me without question. On my way out of the hospital, I begged Ankur to take care of Harsh and informed him that Harsh is my boyfriend, who had taken me there.
Harsh has been absent from my life for four years. I do not know how time flies when you are living with someone for seven years. I never understood how accustomed I had become until I had to go through life without them. When I come home from work exhausted, there is no one to greet me; when I am scared after having nightmares at night, no one will put my head on his chest.
Harsh never tires of complimenting my cooking, but today I consider that meal to be the most pointless thing in the world, and Ankur is the only one who truly understands my feelings. I always keep my family out of my life, but I update them from time to time about my accomplishments.
"Your black coffee, Madam." I was sitting in my office when my thoughts were interrupted by a peon. My obsession with black coffee has remained unchanged over the last four years. Many people have inquired why I drink black coffee. Previously, there was no particular reason for my drinking black coffee; however, my life has become bitter, and I have entirely lost confidence in others, so at the least, I can make coffee a companion to my loneliness.
My office staff still looks at me as if I'm wearing two horns on my head. I'm still baffled why those people are so terrified of me. I've been bitter about a lot of things in my life, but I've never taken it out on my employees. But I'm still perplexed why my employees are terrified of me.
'The flight ticket has been confirmed.' The message flashed on my phone, and my heartbeat twice as quickly as returning to India. What if Harsh was waiting for me there? I don't know how I'm going to face him.
When Ankur told him about my miscarriage, he expressed his disbelief. Is he still looking for me? Is he going to forgive me?
I haven't focused on any work since I decided to returned to India. People are correct in saying that as the more people flee, the closer the object gets to us in the end.
When I think about Rachit's deception, I want to forgive him because I believe in Karma, but I'm not sure if it has punished him for his deeds or not. I still remember how he wounded my heart and questioned my character, and my heart still cries.
Anyway, what's the point of recalling the past when my flight is the next morning and I'll have to confront my past?
The past, from which I have not recovered even after four years.