Chapter 106

“Are you mad?” With a sharp intake of breath, Ethan’s eyes snap down to his still-healing chest. 
Every shot hits its mark. The five bullets I fire slam into him, but instead of staying lodged, they clatter to the ground as if his body is rejecting them. The wounds in Ethan’s chest seal themselves shut before my very eyes.
I look speechless at him, my breath ragged and my mind screaming.
“Like I said, werewolves heal pretty fast,” Ethan says, looking at me again. Not a hint of anger in his tone or resentment for what I had just done.
He has blood on his chest but no wounds, the werewolf healing process is working far faster than I thought it would. 
“Why did you do that, Little Dove?”
Still staring at his chest, I reply, “I had to make sure you were telling me the truth.” My gaze shifts to his black eyes. “I had to know if you weren’t lying about your super healing.”
“Great fucking aim, by the way.” The bastard has the audacity to smirk. “But was shooting me really the only way you could figure that out? And five times, Little Dove? Seriously?”
“There weren’t six bullets left.” Before he can say anything, I go on, “You lied to me. You pretended to be hurt days ago!”
“Trust me, Josh and Vi will never let me live that down.” Ethan runs a hand over his face. “I’d hardly say that was my fault, though.”
My spine goes rigid as blood rushes from my face. “I thought you were hurt! I helped you—I even bandaged your cut with gauze, for God’s sake, Ethan!”  
Red highlights his cheeks, and he drags his fingers across his lips. “Technically, you assumed I had cut myself, sliding your hands over me in an unexpected and seductive way.”  
Ugh! This man! Or this Werewolf! I don’t even know how to damn him!
We stay silent for a moment. I turn my eyes to the damp wall on the other side.
“Baby, look at me.” Ethan’s deep voice is commanding. “I’m sorry for lying to you. I thought I was doing the right thing,” he tells me.
“Well, you thought wrong!”
I want him like this… raw. Telling me the truth, even if it hurts. So I do the stupid thing and lift my gaze up to his. Even though I know that when faced with a big, dangerous beast, I should avoid eye contact, and run as fast as I can. 
But Ethan looks miserable.
“Baby, I’ve got nothing left to hide from you. Not anymore. Now that you know everything, we can finally be together. Aren’t you happy? Even a little?” 
He steps forward, but I shake my head to stop him. “You still... lied!” 
“I had to. Don’t you understand? Humans cannot know about the supernatural world.” 
My gaze narrows accusingly. “What else have you lied about?” I tighten my grip on the gun, and only then do I realize I still have it in my hand. So I rest it at my side.
The corners of Ethan’s mouth slightly turn up. “Maybe I should start with the mate bond.” 
I close my eyes. I don’t want to know. I don’t want to know. I don’t… I glance at him. “... Mate bond?”
“I can explain everything to you, but let’s get out of here first. It’s not safe for you—”
“Tell me,” I cut him off.
Reluctantly, Ethan begins saying, “Each Werewolf has only one mate.” His voice seems to touch my soul. “There are no replacements if that mate passes. One does not decide who their mate is. The only choice each Werewolf has is whether or not to accept the call of the bond and trust that soulmates are paired in perfect ways by the Moon Goddess.”
I scoff. “So the universe arranges marriages for the Werewolves?” 
“I know humans don’t have anything like that, but Werewolves’ mate bonds are sacred. Honorable.” Ethan says firmly, more bare in front of me than he’s ever been. Figuratively and literally. “When a werewolf finds their fated mate, they will protect their other half at all costs. It’s in their breeding, in their blood, to put the lives of their fated mate above their own. Every Werewolf needs to find their other half to be complete, to feel happy. Just the idea that their other half might not be constantly and perfectly and blissfully happy can make the Werewolf go feral. That might be hard for you to believe, and I understand that, but it’s the truth.” 
I swallow and study his face for a long moment. My heart stutters. Suddenly, everything he’s saying seems to start getting into my head.
No books or no one has ever put that feeling into words for me before.
Mate bond. 
That longing I feel, that search for the one person I know is missing from my life, the person I know will fill those aching, lonely gaps inside me. I always thought I was too lonely. Since I was a kid, I’ve always wondered when I’d find him. If this person even exists at all. I just thought I watched too many princess movies.
Tears prick my eyes because I know what Ethan’s going to tell me before he even opens his mouth. I start shaking my head, looking at him, and holding back my tears.
Ethan’s strong body strides toward me, his steps deliberate and urgent, like the distance between us is unbearable now. As if he can feel that my heart has just broken. “It’s you, baby. It was always you. Fuck… My wolf is desperate to bind your soul to ours.”
“Can-Can you explain what you mean?” 
He steps closer.
“It means the Moon Goddess has chosen you for me, Little Dove. And me for you. It means we’re meant to be together, and we can feel each other’s emotions. Each other’s needs. I can feel your heart. I can see your bright aura. You’re mine, love.”
Ethan reaches for my hand, and I let him take it. His black eyes lit up, as though the small gesture made hope rise in his heart.
I exhale. It’s long and heavy as I try to process everything. Ever since the first time I saw Ethan, I felt something different. Like I’m meant to be with him. Even though I’ve felt like I didn’t deserve him. All this time since I met him, whenever I wasn’t around him, I missed him so much I felt like I was going to die. 
I repeated to myself for weeks that I was being dramatic. But it was true. It was how I felt. 
“I’m sorry,” he whispers. “I’m sorry for not telling you before. I thought it was the right thing to do.”
“There’s a problem with your reasoning, Ethan. You forgot to factor in that I told you I loved you. That not telling me all of this would have hurt me more!” Gazing into his eyes, I accuse. “You lied! You said I was your second choice, Ethan, when I was literally your soulmate, according to you. You didn’t let me get close to you. You said you couldn’t love me—and it was all a lie!” 
Ethan doesn’t deny it, which makes me angrier. Instead, he looks crestfallen at the memory of the things he had done to me, as though they hurt him as much as me. 
“I’m sorry.” It’s all he has to offer. Ethan swallows hard. “I’m so sorry.”
“It’s not enough!” I whisper, my voice trembling as the pain in my heart overwhelms even the throbbing from the bruises Logan left on my body. “It’s not enough to be sorry. Not after I’ve shattered my pride, begging for your love.” Tears spill silently down my cheeks as I bite back a sob, my body trembling with the effort to hold it in, but the sound escapes anyway, raw and broken. “No, Ethan... Not after I’ve tried so desperately to make us work, clinging to the hope that someday you’d finally admit that what we had was special!” 
“You’re right.” Ethan nods, one hand holding mine gently, while the other traces soft, soothing circles on my back. A gesture I only now realize is there but don’t ask him to stop.
“If I’m your fated mate or soulmate or whatever this is, why didn’t you tell me?” I ask, my brow furrowing as I try to piece everything together. Something about it doesn’t add up. “You said this bond means something sacred to you werewolves, but it’s clearly not as deep as you’re making it out to be if you managed to not care about me or my feelings at all.”
The pain in my heart doubles as I say that out loud, twisting like a knife. And then tripling, when I see etched on his face how sorry he is, the regret flooding his dark eyes.
“I’m so so sorry, Little Dove...” Ethan lowers his head. “Until a few months ago, I was a cursed Werewolf.” His sad gaze meets mine again. And his warm touch on my back continues, the warmth of his care settling over me. “When I was a child, a Witch attempted to curse Vi. To shield my baby sister, I stepped in and took the curse upon myself. The curse condemned me to never find my fated mate in her stead.”
“What?” 
I’m shocked, my eyes roving over him as I try to gather myself. 
“I had lived since that day a cold existence of endless void. A loveless life. Never feeling. Never knowing the warmth of touch. Every day hunting and not finding that Witch was like an unfulfilling breath. It was a suffocating reminder of how hollow I’d become because of the curse.” 
Ethan shifts his large hand from my back, gently lifting it to cradle the side of my face in his palm.
“The mate bond is sacred. Precious... For nearly two decades, I watched everyone around me find their fated mates. It was never my turn.”  
I let out a sob. Tears roll down my cheeks as I squeeze his hand. “T-that’s horrible! Why would someone do something like that?” 
“I wish I knew the answer to that question. I had never understood why she did that. There is always violence in this world.”
“But you were a child! I don’t understand! This witch is—”
“A monster,” he says softly. 
I sniffle as I stare at him in disbelief. He must have suffered so much!
“It wasn’t until you came along with your bright aura and cast the first ray of light that I felt a pulse of life. A pull that I couldn’t resist.” With our eyes locked, I feel the weight of every word he speaks, the raw emotion behind each sentence hitting me like a wave. 
“But mate bond is everything to a Werewolf, Little Dove. It is a bond like no other. That’s why I said you were my second choice. Before you, I had never felt anything for anyone. I felt something only for you. Do you know why, my Little Dove?” 
I shake my head, my chin trembling.
“Because no curse,” Ethan says, his deep voice low, “could ever keep me from loving you.” Cupping my face, he thumbs the seam of my lower lip. “I fell in love with you before I even knew you were my fated mate,” Ethan admits. “Even before the curse was broken. I just didn’t know back then that you were already my first choice.” Ethan lifts our joined hands to his mouth, dusting light kisses over my fingers. “My true love.” Kiss. “My fated mate.”
I try with all my might to hold on to my anger. But how can I?
It’s no secret that I’m painfully attracted to Ethan. I've been undeniably drawn to him since day one. 
The way he looks.
The way he cares about everyone. 
And now, every sliver of his character that he’s uncovered has made me like him more in spite of the way he had made me feel. Even though he said he couldn’t love me, he was being genuinely honest—there was a very reason why he couldn’t return my feelings. He willingly took on the curse to keep his sister safe. When he was just a child!
Heck, even just the fact that, despite having feelings for me and not even knowing his fated mate yet, he *still* put her first, squeezed my heart. Like Ethan’s ideals and morals are crafted specifically to do things to me. So loyal.
Pulling me into his bare chest, Ethan holds me as I close my eyes, needing to feel him as much as he apparently needs to feel me.
“I’m really sorry for everything I made you feel. I could live a thousand lifetimes and still not deserve you. Not after what I’ve done.” He strokes my hair. 
More tears spill out, slipping down my cheeks as I sniff. 
“The way you broke through my curse, the way you kept insisting on us without giving up,” he murmurs into my hair.
I try valiantly to stop the tears, but they keep coming, so I let them go. In a way, it feels cleansing.
“Little Dove,” he murmurs again, moving to speak against my parted lips. “My sweet Little Dove. I’d endure a thousand lifetimes of torment, cursed and broken, just for one moment with *you*.” 
His words hang in the air as his lips graze mine, not kissing, just hovering.
“One single, precious moment.”