Chapter 68

***Alicent***

“Which is...?” I press. My heart gallops as I stare at him. Sitting on his lap and in *this* position, the only thing that comes to my mind is *please, let it be something really dirty*.
I take a brief moment to study him, from his broad shoulders to his beefy biceps. All of him is thick and muscular. But it is his dark eyes that call to me. 
I catch myself biting my lower lip, but then I quickly release it like getting hit with cold water after Ethan says, “You will always be my second option.”
I suck in a breath. “What do you mean?” 
My mind immediately goes to Kelly. I feel an almost childish urge to shake Ethan’s broad shoulders and beg him to forget about her. Just the thought of them together makes me angry and a little bit terrified.
“Exactly what I said.” 
“What?” I straighten in his lap. “I don’t understand. Tell me.” 
“I don’t want to.” 
I blink, not expecting that explanation or, rather, the lack of it. “But we kissed! And that festival custom... I thought you were single. Are you in a relationship with anyone right now?”
“I don’t want to talk about this, much less discuss this in detail.” 
I twist in his lap and narrow my eyes at him. Ethan is so infuriating! “Then what does it mean? I’m trying to get to know you, Ethan. I want to un—” 
“Maybe I don’t want you to get to know me!” Ethan snarls at me. His deep voice makes clear that he’s tired of this conversation and my insistence on opening him up. 
“You’re thinking about cheating on me, aren’t you? That once we’re married, you can go around and have one-night stands with several other women like you had with me that night!” I accuse without thinking, knowing it’s horrible of me to judge him for having one-night stands with other women. I feel frustrated and angry. Immediately after the words leave my mouth, I regret them. I know part of this accusation comes from the trauma of Logan cheating on me with Chelsea. And this has nothing to do with him.
“Stop guessing at things you have no fucking idea about,” Ethan growls low. Despite the annoyed tone of his voice, his hot breath makes a shiver run through me. “The fact that I plan on marrying you should be enough. I’m doing this to protect you.”
“But you can’t just tell me that you’re going to marry me, and I’ll always be your second choice on the same night, Ethan. I don’t get it!” I say. My heart feels like it’s going to break. I try to get up from his lap, but he stops me, holding my hips tightly.
His lips press in a thin line. “I know. But it’s all I can offer you,” he says. I feel tears welled in my eyes, and I notice his face soften as he spots them. “Though your feelings do matter to me, Little Dove, it would be wrong for you to mistake our cordial relationship for a romantic forever one. To be honest, no female here at Blackmoon has anything to do with it right now. That’s all I can offer you.”
I drop my gaze to my hands between us and close my eyes. 
“Little Dove. Look. At. Me.” 
Darn it. Why can’t he let me hide? I open my eyes, staring then into his dark orbs. I wish I had gone with my son to our bedroom instead of listening to what Ethan had to say. Good Lord, Az! I have to go check on him! My baby looked so sad when he got out of Ethan’s car.
Ethan takes hold of my hands in his much larger ones and says, “I—”
“What do you get out of all this, Ethan? You said our marriage won’t last forever,” I ask, interrupting him. Maybe subconsciously, I just don’t want to hear him say again that I’ll be his second option. Never enough.
“I’m able to look at you every day, hear your voice and your laugh without feeling *guilty* about it. And if only for a brief moment in my day I can have your presence, it will be like basking in the warmth of the sun after a lifetime of numbness spent in shadows.” 
My mouth falls open.
Well, hell.
What does a girl respond to that?
His words echo in my mind. They seem so sincere that for a moment, I forget everything and just focus on how anguished his eyes look.
I still can’t believe he’d change his life for me and protect me from all of this. Truthfully, I’m shocked he didn’t kick me out of here after knowing the danger my presence brings just by being here. 
I never told Az or Logan or anyone about my family. I kept the truth to myself all this time. 
But I told him. I believe he can protect me, I don’t know why, but I feel that way. And I want him. 
Badly. 
I want to be wrapped up in all that safety of his strong arms and his innate dominance. That’s not just how I feel, it’s simply part of who Ethan is. It isn’t an act of commanding everyone around here. It isn’t him trying to be a controlling bastard. It is Ethan being Ethan.
I want to give him all of me, to have this leap of faith, like he said, and let him catch me. Because I’m tired, and I can’t say no to him even though he’s clearly saying I’m his second option. How pathetic am I?
I want to have that one night we’d spent together happen over and over again, even if it had been a stupid, stupid move since I developed feelings for him. Because this bastard had shown me everything I was missing out on in my marriage to Logan. 
I’d told myself I could never trust someone enough to let them know about my family. But I felt in my heart that I could trust Ethan. I want him. I can’t help it. 
Even though I’m his second choice. 
Even though I don’t deserve him. 
Even though Ethan deserves better. 
I take a deep breath before my eyes meet his. “Okay, Ethan... I accept your condition.”
For a split second, I almost think he breathes a sigh of relief, but immediately, Ethan snaps, “Good. So, let’s go over the ground rules. I’m forbidding you from leaving Blackmoon or talking to anyone outside of Blackmoon, like Shawn—”
“No, you aren’t!” 
“Little Dove, didn’t you agree to my condition and say you’d marry me?” he asks me.
I open my mouth. “Yes, I did. However, it doesn’t give you carte blanche to take over my whole life!” 
“I disagree.” 
“You can disagree all you like, Ethan! But the fact of the matter is that I’m an adult who can make her own damn decisions.” 
“Like your decision to leave the safety of this house and your son behind? Even though you know there are dangerous men hunting you who are twice your size?” 
I huff out a breath. “Yes. But I was just trying to protect everyone! Even my son, by leaving him here. And just so you know, if any of you were to be in danger because of me, I would take that decision again without having a second thought!”
“Alicent!” 
“Ethan!” 
We glare at each other. 
I feel the grip of his huge hands deliciously tighten around my hips. “Goddess, you’re stubborn,” he tells me. 
“I’m not going to stop talking to Shawn! It doesn’t even make sense!”
“Just explain the situation to your ex-husband, an exception that I’m willingly making, and that’s it. You’re not supposed to talk to anyone outside of Blackmoon, Little Dove.”
“I’m not going to stop talking to Shawn. He’s a good guy—” 
“Yes, you will, because I’m saying so. And be glad that I’m not forbidding you from working or leaving this fucking house!” 
My mouth falls open again. “Glad? GLAD?”
“Yes!”
“Oh, I so don’t think so!” I narrow my eyes at him.
Ethan clears his throat. “I’m serious. You are forbidden from talking to anyone outside of Blackmoon, much less telling them where you are living.” Ugh! *Does he think I’m that stupid?* “You are also forbidden from leaving Blackmoon, and anywhere else you go here besides the school where you work and this house, I want to be informed. Immediately. The same goes for Az. I can’t protect you if I don’t know where you are. I promise you, I will find whoever killed your family, and I will make them pay for it. I mean it, Little Dove,” he replies in that deep voice of his. 
Good Lord! I swear that he can say anything, and it would still sound sexy in that voice. He is giving me strict rules, and my stupid body reacts like what with his voice? Yep, with a shiver running up my spine. 
“Do you understand what I’m saying?” Ethan asks.
“I understand that you like to be in control all the time. Command everyone. You’re also an Alpha Bossy Bastard.” 
Ethan barks out a laugh before burying his face in my neck, still laughing and I smile, feeling something inside me ease at the sound. I take the opportunity to run my fingers through his soft hair. 
Drawing back, he looks at me with a smirk. “That’s Alpha Bossy Husband to you.” 
I giggle, unable to stop.
My eyes dart from his and down to where his neck meets his shoulder as his big, warm hands massage my hips, and for some reason, I want to kiss that specific spot. Bite it. 
Kiss it. 
And then lick it. 
Dear Lord, I’ve been wet ever since he straddled me on his lap. Unconsciously, I grind against him, moving my hips slowly and nearly moaning at the feel of his hard cock beneath me.
“Stop teasing me, Little Dove,” Ethan says. “Or else...”
“I don’t know what you are talking about,” I tell him, biting my bottom lip to stifle my moan.
“Oh, really?” Ethan murmurs. “So if I check your pussy right now, wouldn’t it be soaking wet? Wanting my touch? Or my tongue?” I moan, and he chuckles at my reaction, locking eyes with me, a smug grin spreading across his face. “Your heartbeat is fast, Little Dove.” His hand rests on my chest, right over my racing heart, feeling its frantic pulse. Then, with a nice, deliberate motion, he squeezes my breast. “I can feel it. I know you’re anxious to have my cock inside you.”