Chapter 89

“What?” I frown. But I don’t get any closer. “Hey, it’s me, Little Dove. Ethan. I would never hurt you. I love you!”
She lowers her arms, letting me see her frightened face, but she remains in a defensive stance. “I saw you, Ethan,” she says in a soft, frightened voice. “I watched you murder that defenseless man in cold blood. You’re a murderer!”
That’s when it truly sinks in. 
*Fuck*.
“Did you see that?” I ask, taking a step back as though her words had pushed me away. I didn’t think anyone was around that day. If she had, I’m sure as shit I would have noticed her presence. “How?”
“Oh. My. God! That’s your big concern?” she asks, looking at me with furrowed eyebrows as she lowers her arms. “How did I see it? Seriously?” Little Dove shakes her head slightly. “I watched it through my bedroom window, Ethan. You killed that poor man. He was kneeling in front of you, all tied up. With no way to defend himself! What you did was beyond cruel!”
I press my lips together. “You don’t know what you’re talking about. You know nothing.”
I breathe in her soft scent deeply until I can taste it on my tongue. I frighten her. I unsettle her. I don’t care what I had to do to break my curse, especially with those fuckers. But hearing her say that about me hurts. Catching the sharp, panicked scent of her fear of me hurts even more.
“It doesn’t matter what the excuse is, Ethan. You killed someone!” Little Dove says each word as if it hurts her more to say it out loud than to accuse me of it.
“Tell me what I can do to make it up to you, to make this better, Little Dove.”
I want to feel her soft skin against mine. I want her for me. I will give her every last thing she asks me for.
Even though she is scared of me, I’m still impressed by the fact that she stands up to me. The fire in her green gaze as she stares up at me makes me more proud of her. She isn’t weak. No, my Little Dove is strong.  
“Don’t you get it?” she asks. “We’re done!”
My heart slows to a thud, and yet it is faster than hers. Four beats of mine for every one of hers. Our bodies scream how different we are, and I still wouldn’t change a thing. She’s perfect. She’s mine.

🐺 🐺 🐺
***Alicent***

“Little Dove—”
“Don’t!” My voice is loud in a tone I’ve never used with him before. “Don’t *Little Dove* me. Don’t call me Little Dove like you give a damn thing about me just now! Don’t call me Little Dove like you didn’t lie to me each and every day we were together! I thought you’re...” a *good* man. 
Ethan runs his hand over his face. His beard is the longest it’s ever been since I met him. What have the last few days been like for him? He usually is so put together.
He sighs. “I just... I want to explain.” 
“Why? You murderer! I will not believe a word you say.” 
“Yes, you will,” he says through gritted teeth. 
“No, I won’t. Because I can’t. I don’t want to hear your explanation!” 
The memory of him killing the poor man that night is heavy and suffocating; it feels like a weight pressing down on my chest.
That night, for the briefest second, I thought of closing the curtain and pretending I didn’t just see what I saw. Because my mind couldn’t connect the Ethan I knew with the murder I had just witnessed—with a cold, almost casual motion, Ethan had leaned down and, in one brutal twist of his hands, snapped the poor man’s neck. Just like that.
My brain was racing, trying to process too many details at once.  
Ethan did that so calmly. Like he’d done that before. Like it was just another night.
All I could think about the last few months was him killing that innocent man. 
Over and over. 
I didn’t hear the sound of the man’s neck breaking, but my mind filled in the blanks, creating a vivid, chilling sound.
I watched in stunned disbelief as the man’s life ended in an instant.
It was so quick, so effortless—like a life meant *nothing* at all for him.
“After everything I told you about my family... How they died... You killed that man like my parents were murdered, Ethan. Without any chance of defending themselves. To say it was cruel is to understate it.”
That’s why I had to leave Blackmoon. What if Ethan is used to killing like it means nothing every day, and I just found out by accident? Blackmoon really seems like a cult. What if he ended up doing the same to me? Or to my son? I couldn’t let my son be around a murderer.
My mind screamed at me to run, to do anything, but my feet felt glued to the floor for long minutes.
I didn’t know what to do then. My legs felt so shaky, my hands were trembling. I told myself to think, to focus, but my mind could only hear the sounds of Ollie dying in almost the same way as the man Ethan killed. Ethan’s cold gaze was exactly the same as those monsters.
I knew I couldn’t tell Maggie or anyone else that I was leaving, or they would try to stop me, so I waited until Ethan and Vi left Blackmoon.
I packed up all of our things, Az’s and mine, which weren’t much, just a little more than we had when we first moved in, and then I woke up my son. It was early, so I was able to do all of this while he was still sleeping.
I just wanted to get out of there and away from that murderer. I was so afraid of Ethan. And yet, each mile I drove away from him felt like pain. The ache in my chest wasn’t real, I told myself. But it tasted like a lie. 
It still tastes like a lie.
I was in such a rush that I left Blackmoon still wearing Ethan’s stupid, perfect hoodie. I only realized it when Az and I got to Summerville, and I took off his huge zip-up hoodie before I called Logan.
Logan wanted me back. At first I just wanted a place for me and Az to stay temporarily, but one thing led to another...
We are living in a new house now. He bought this house precisely to protect us, even though he doesn’t know from whom. Logan hasn’t treated me like he did when we were married, on the contrary, he doesn’t want me to work, he said it would be safer if I stay home and he is now providing for me and Az. Our relationship isn’t perfect but at least he isn’t being aggressive with me like he was before. At least he isn’t a *murderer*.  
Ethan tries to touch my hand. “Little Dove...”
“No! I don’t want you here. I don’t even know how you found me, go away!” He lowers his hand as I glare up at him. “You murderer! I watched you kill that man with your bare hands!” I try to speak as calmly as possible because I don’t want to yell, even though the words suddenly grow thick, like rancid honey. “I ran away because I was scared of you. How could I not be, Ethan? How could I not?”
His lips tighten into a thin line, *refusing to admit his crimes*. We both know I’m telling the truth.
“Little Dove, I would never hurt you!” 
Despite how cruel he looked that night, his eyes don’t match the murderer he is now. 
I wait for the relief, for the good feeling that should have come after telling him all the things that have been bottled up inside me. But my heart just hurts. It hurts so much. 
“Don’t look at me like that, Little Dove.” His voice is so tender. 
The hurt doubles. 
“I want you back,” he goes on. “More than anything.”
“You’re a murderer, Ethan! I don’t want anything to do with you. And it wasn’t because I didn’t try. God knows how hard it was. I tried to push aside all the things standing between us. Your parents. Your refusal to have anything meaningful with me... I accepted every crumb of affection you threw my way. I opened up to you and told you things I’d never told anyone. But the thing your hands did...” I wince like I’m watching that scene again. “I gave up on you right then. I don’t want to get involved with someone who did the same thing those monsters did to my entire family.”  
“So you immediately get back with that fucking ex-husband of yours!” he accuses.
“Don’t you dare say that!” I finally yell. “You have no right to say that to me!” Anger runs through my spine.
“He’s standing between me and what’s *mine*! You!”
“No, Ethan. He’s not. We’re not together anymore because of *you*. It’s your fault, not Logan’s!”
As my words sink in, Ethan takes a deep breath.
I see a trace of regret in his black eyes before it quickly disappears. I hear him inhale for a few seconds as though he could smell my scent before he says, “Little Dove, come back to me. Leave him.” His words sound tight like it’s hard for him to say them. Like he’s only used to demanding, not asking. A wrinkle forms between his brows. Ethan’s words strike me hard because I am not prepared for him to say it that way. *Almost* shy and tentative. 
Like my answer means *something* to him. 
Like the answer means everything to him.
“Come back to Blackmoon with me.”
“No, Ethan. I don’t want to!” I say as firmly as I can, ignoring the rapid beating of my heart just at the sight of him near me.
“No?” he says, but this time harshly. “Well, you will. You will come back with me. You are mine, Little Dove. You will not be with him.”
My nostrils flare. I’m much, much shorter than him, so I stand on my toes as I step forward and poke his chest. “You did this to us. So don’t you dare to be mad right now!” 
“You didn’t bother telling me you were running away! You didn’t bother to let me explain!” Ethan plants his hands on his narrow hips, looking down at me. “But that doesn’t matter. Because I will hunt you down wherever you go, woman. Life isn’t worth living without you in it, Little Dove. Fuck your ex-husband! All you need is me!” 
“I don’t care, Ethan. All I’d done was pull my heart out to you, and all I got was it broken. You weren’t worth it.” I slam both hands into his pecs, pushing as hard as I can. Ethan doesn’t even rock on his heels. His eyes search mine. A single tear escapes my eye, rolling down my face. He tries to dry it with his hand, but I turn my face away before his hand reaches me. 
“Let me in, Little Dove. Let me protect you,” he whispers. “Let me love you.”
I let out a hiccup, tears freely flowing now. My heart seizes because I don’t know what those words mean coming from him. I always wanted to hear them. My heart pounds with anticipation.
He said he could never love me.
At that moment, time stands still. Ethan looks down at me with such a passionate expression. I want to believe in all his promises.
“I wanted nothing to do with you!” I push him again. “Go away!”
I take a step back just as I see Az and Logan approaching. They had gone to the bakery nearby. So I immediately wipe the tears off my face.
Ethan clenches his fists tightly, closing his eyes.
Az runs up the stairs faster than Logan, sprinting toward me and getting between Ethan and me.
My son growls at Ethan, and when his eyes land on Az, they soften a little.
“Az, get inside,” I tell my son, patting his head softly.
Logan approaches us with a smirk on his face. He doesn’t greet Ethan, but he grins his way. Then he grabs Az’s hand. “Come on, son, didn’t you say you were hungry?” The two enter, and then the door is closed behind me.
I force myself to look up. And up. Into the coldest pair of black eyes I’ve ever seen in my life. Ethan glares at the door behind me with disgust and hate before his gaze shifts down to me. He studies me with disappointment in his eyes. 
I curl my lips. “I’m happy where I am. Please go away and never come back. You’re a murderer, and I don’t want you.” Ethan raises his hand to touch mine once more, and I cross my arms to avoid him. “Don’t. I’d rather burn in hell for eternity than let a murderer touch me again!”
Ethan runs a hand over his face. And before he can say anything, I get inside the house and slam the door in his face.
It should have felt good to do it. But it didn’t. 
I can swear I heard him say from the other side of the door *‘Then you better get comfortable with the heat, Little Dove’*.
Leaving Az alone in the kitchen, Logan approaches me in the living room with a sandwich in his hand and says, “Did you really think a rich guy like that would actually marry you, Allie?” He mocks, laughing as he chews. “Sweetheart, tell me the truth. You only said you two were getting married to make me jealous, didn’t you?” A grin stretched his mustard-stained lips.
I roll my eyes. “Of course not, Logan.”
“Be honest. I’m already with you now.” He takes another bite, then speaks while still chewing, “You wanted me back and didn’t know how to ask, right, sweetheart?”
I groan, shaking my head as I make my way to the kitchen, hearing Logan’s laughter behind me.