Chapter 4

I glare at him, aghast, with my mouth open. The mix of emotions I’m experiencing toward him is perplexing, as I can’t quite decide whether I’m more shocked or more angry. Yet, I can confidently say—I am feeling both. Intensely.
How did I let our relationship get to this point?
“Alicent! You’re getting it all wrong! You know me. You know I would never do that to you if I knew you would find out!” Logan says, with his eyes focused on the floor. He appears to be rummaging through the chaotic room in search of the remaining pieces of his clothing.
“Are you suggesting that the problem—” I interrupt myself. “No! Wait!” I continue, barely containing my anger. “Do you really think the problem here is because I found out and not because you were cheating on me?” Deep down, I don’t even know why I am bothering to ask. Clearly, it doesn’t make any difference to him.
When he spots his white socks lying on the bed beside Chel, he swiftly grabs them with frustration, casting an angry glare at me before forcefully sliding one sock on his foot. “You know what?” He pauses for a moment before snapping. “Why did you have to come here, Alicent? If you hadn’t shown up, none of this would have happened!”
“You’re right, Lolo! She’s supposed to be working today! I made sure of that!” Chel nods in his direction. “Tell her, Lolo! Tell her what you told me!” My eyes quickly dart towards Logan as my heart feels a new sharp jolt of pain. I can’t believe this is happening! Chel goes on, “He’s only with you because of Azrael. If it weren’t for his son, Logan would have left you a long time ago!”
I take a step back because her words feel like a shot to my broken heart.
What else would I need to do to make my husband want me? I did everything for him!
Every time Logan drinks and gets aggressive, my immediate response is to take Az away so he doesn’t hurt my angel. I always bear everything to protect our son.
Even though Logan did give me reasons, I made a conscious decision to never let Az know about the things his father does. Logan is a superhero for Az. Az idolizes his father, and I’d rather preserve this image he has of his father than let him know all the wrongdoings or hurtful things Logan has done or said about him. I prefer to shield my child.
Logan moves towards me at such a fast pace that I can’t even run away in time. He grips both of my elbows so tight that the pressure causes a sharp pain in my bones—not just because they’re already sore but because of the intensity of Logan’s tight fingers.
I have to stop myself from the urge to shove him. From fighting back. Because I know better than that. I am aware that it is not a wise choice. The last time I tried to escape him, Logan made sure to teach me to stay still.
A punch in the ribs hurts like a bitch.
Getting kicked in the ribs hurts way more.
“Alicent, aren’t you afraid of losing me?” Logan asks me while ignoring Chel as she tries to talk to him, calling him the stupidest nickname I’ve ever heard.
I force myself to swallow the lump in my throat, and I desperately bite hard on my bottom lip. I try not to cry from the intensity of the pain as his grip tightens. When I don’t respond, he shakes me hard, causing my body to jolt, before yelling, “Can’t you see that? Without me, you're nobody, Alicent! Without me, you’re nothing! NOTHING!”
I respond with the calmest tone I can master. “Logan, I just caught you cheating on me on the exact day we celebrate ten years of marriage.” I look into his angry eyes. His eyes widen before muttering a curse.
“Okay, I messed up! Is that what you wanted to hear? I’m sorry!” Logan’s voice softens slightly, yet his fingers remain tightly grasped around my elbows, trapping blood to my hands. “I forgot about our anniversary, but it won’t happen again!”
I say in a meek voice, “Still, I’d rather not conti—”
“You don’t want to throw away ten fucking years of marriage just because I cheated on you, do you?” Logan interrupts me, widening his eyes indignantly again. “Do you, Alicent?”
“She doesn’t deserve you, Lolo—”
“Shut the fuck up, Chel!” Logan shouts at Chelsea, looking at her over his shoulder. At the same time, he abruptly tightens his grip on my elbows.
I try to open and close my hand to get the blood flowing, but his grip prevents me from doing that. “Logan... can you p-please let me go?”
Logan turns his attention back to me and finally relinquishes his grip on my elbows, but not before violently tossing my arms aside as if I were a worthless trash to be discarded.
Immediately, I started massaging my forearm. He glares at my moving hands before saying, “It was just a hiccup!” He pauses before going on. “Do you want to know what I think about you, Alicent? I think you’re fucking ungrateful!”
“Me?” I snap angrily, “Ungrateful?” I know I should control myself, but this seems impossible at this point.
“Ten years of marriage is a lifetime! Just imagine how sad Az will be when he discovers his mother doesn’t want his father anymore!” Logan says, crossing his arms.
“That’s not fair, Logan—”
“You’re so fucking ungrateful! I gave you my last name, which you insisted on so much! I took over when you got pregnant with Az. I stayed by your side this whole time, and now you’re being ungrateful!”
“Ungrateful?” I scream. I’m barely holding myself back from hitting him in the face. “And what else would I have to thank you for, Logan? For cheating on me, too?”
“You know that’s not all I did for you! You may not have betrayed me, but I had to bear the weight of your emotional burdens. Your stupid arm’s length distance because”—as if quoting, he bends his index and middle fingers—“you’re dealing with your stupid feelings! But I know, Alicent! I know it’s because of your dead family!”
I’m taken aback again. That was low.
Even for him.
My family died one year before I met him. With them went my heart... I’ve been floundering ever since.
“I’m the ONLY one who will want you the way you are, Alicent! Broken!” Logan adds, lifting his head to look down at me with a look of superiority that I’ve grown accustomed to.
“But I don’t want you anymore, Logan. That’s enough for me!” The intensity of my anger momentarily distracts me from the throbbing pain in my elbows.
Logan uncrosses his arms. “I’m the one who doesn’t want you anymore,” he points to Chelsea, who is sitting on the edge of the bed with the brown sheet draped over her body. “Do you think I’ll be alone without you? I have Chel!”
“And I’m much better for him than you are. Look at yourself! I have much more to offer him than you ever will. You’re a nobody, Alicent! Wake up! Ugh, just look at you,” Chel says, her face twisted in disgust as she scans me from head to toe.
Logan approaches her and pulls her by the waist. “Don’t come begging me to get back with you later, Alicent! Because I won’t!” Logan snaps before threatening me. “And you better prepare yourself because you won’t have Az’s custody!”
“No judge in his right mind will take a child away from their mother!”
“Az loves me. I’m sure if the judge asks who he wants to be with, he’ll choose me,” Logan flashes an evil smile. “Because when the judge finds out where you live—HA—he won’t have a second thought!”
“Az can come to live here with us. The judge will likely grant you custody with no difficulty!” Chel says, leaning her face on Logan’s body.
I know it’s low, but at this moment, I feel too humiliated to not bark back. “I’d like to know which judge will grant custody to a father who doesn’t have a job!”
Logan releases Chel with a sudden jolt, causing her to collapse onto the bed with a loud gasp. When he approaches me, I take a step back.
I think I went too far.
“You’re going to keep giving me money until I get a job and say so! If you dare to stop sending money to my fucking account, Alicent, I fucking promise you that—”
“Okay, okay! I got it!” I say as I quickly raise my hands when he threatens to punch me.
His fist is suspended in the air for a while as he glares at me.
He lowers his arm when Chelsea starts talking like he forgets she’s here. “I know when she gets paid, Lolo! If she doesn’t give you what you rightfully DESERVE, you put her in her place!”
God help me!
I want to throttle this bitch!
“You think I’m a bad person, right, Alicent? I can see it in your eyes! But I assure you that you will meet a much worse man! Be prepared for that!”
Suddenly, I feel like there’s no air in here. It is as if Chel’s bedroom’s beige walls are getting closer to me. I feel so suffocated.
I need to get out of here!
I need to get out of here!
I need to get out of here, or I’m going to pass out, and I literally don’t trust my unconscious body with these two around.
AZ! Oh, my God!
I left my son alone in that old car!
I sprint out of Chel’s bedroom, my heart pounding as I make my way away from her house, without looking back at them calling me. “Alicent! I’m talking to you!” Logan shouts behind me. “Alicent!”
I run toward my car. Az remains in the passenger seat, engrossed in a comic book, so immersed that he doesn’t even seem to have noticed I took a long time to get back.
“ALI—”
Logan stops screaming immediately when he sees Az in the car. Az glances at him, and a huge smile appears on his face. “Dad!” Az opens the car door and gets out, running towards Logan.
“Az, it’s time to go! Let’s go, buddy!” I hush him as I stop running.
“What are you doing at Chel’s house, Dad?” Az asks after hugging Logan. The bastard is wearing his white socks on the dirty floor. I’m glad I’m not the one who will have to wash his clothes anymore!
“I came here to do some repairs at the BACK of Chel’s house!” Logan responds, looking directly at me with a big smirk to make sure I understood his ridiculous innuendo.
“Are you done? Let’s go home, Dad!” Az says, holding Logan’s hand and directing him to the car in a hurry. Az always hated Chel, and I never understood why.
My son doesn’t have any friends. Besides his looks, it seems like he got that from me as well.
Az doesn’t resemble Logan in any way, which is why my angel constantly tries to mimic Logan’s actions, attempting to establish a bond with his father in even the slightest way.
Logan stops walking abruptly, and Az keeps trying to pull him anyway. “Az, I won’t be able to go home, son.”
Confusion crosses Az’s face as he looks up at Logan when he realizes that his father hasn’t moved an inch with his attempt. “Why?”
Logan puts on a fake soft voice and adopts a false sorrowful expression on his face, “Oh, son! Unfortunately, your mother doesn’t want me to be around anymore!”