Bonus Chapter 5

***Violet***

“What the hell are you doing in here?” I bark. “Were you watching me sleep?” 
Red tinges on his cheeks. 
Is he embarrassed?
Roxy howls with joy in my mind.
‘Calm the fuck down, your bitch in heat!’ I scold her.
I haven’t thought someone as confident and put together as Cedar would blush. 
But I can’t deny I agree with my wolf. That is sexy.
“Morning, sugar.” Cedar opens that confident grin, ignoring my scream. 
I grind my teeth, telling myself it is annoyance and not pleasure I feel bubbling through my stomach. 
I pull the duvet up higher as I snap back right away. “Don’t call me that!” 
“Now, is that how you thank someone who cooked breakfast for you?” Cedar chides softly. 
I frown. 
Jordan would have pulled me up for my tone of voice. He would have said how much of a bitch I am for yelling at him and giving me the silent treatment in response, followed by angry marks on my skin afterward. Jordan would have reminded me of our other fights, how much I demand too much of him, and how nothing is good for me.
Suddenly, I remember all the failed attempts—the times I tried so damn hard to cross off even a small piece of the bucket list I wrote as a kid that I’d pictured doing it with him, my mate, someday. But nothing ever worked.  
Sometimes, Jordan wouldn’t even bother to hide his disdain—rolling his eyes, scoffing like he could barely believe I was serious. Other times, he’d laugh outright. Sharp and dismissive. Like the very idea of doing something so pathetic was beneath him and that it should be beneath me as well. And then he’d say it—flat, cutting—‘*I’m not wasting my time on crap like that*.’  
Goddess, how could I have been so blind?
You can do just about anything for someone you love… 
Bend, break, compromise. 
But if there’s one thing you can’t do—no matter how much you give—it’s make them care. You can’t hand them your dream and expect them to want it, too. 
Even if I could’ve forced him somehow, it wouldn’t have mattered. Dragging him along wouldn’t have made it real. It wouldn’t have made him *want* it.   
And without the wanting, what’s the point?  
The few times I did try anything of the list, it was almost worse. Everything felt wrong—hollow, awkward, and so damn out of place. Like I was clinging to something that had already slipped through my fingers. I started to wonder if it even meant anything anymore. If it ever really had.  
Maybe Jordan was right. Maybe I *had* put too much on that bucket list. I was just a kid when I wrote it, after all. *Just a stupid little girl with stupid dreams.*
I squash those thoughts as I sneak a look up at him. “I’m not hungry! Get out of my room!”
My stomach growls. Oh, shit!  
His meadow-green gaze narrows as he looks me over. “I came in to check on you. It’s late, sugar. We have to hit the road. But first, you have to have your breakfast.” 
“I’m. Not. Hungry,” I repeat, getting up. I wince a little bit as I step on the floor. Even though my hand has healed, my foot is still a little sore. “You know, you might want to get your ears cleaned out.” I fix my slip dress before looking up at him again. “Now, stay out of my room. Out of my life! I don’t know how much clearer I can make it.” Turning, I storm off, grateful that the bathroom is only a few steps away. 
Even though I feel the heavy weight of his gaze on my back, Cedar makes no move to follow me. 
“Violet,” he calls out, his voice pure demand. 
I freeze, forcing myself not to turn around. 
“I catch you running around like that with your feet still hurt again, and the kid gloves are coming off. I’m being patient right now. But you can only push me so far.” 
I suck in a breath.
“I’m going to go get my car so we can head out. Don’t leave here until I arrive.” 
I look back at him. 
“And have your breakfast,” he goes on. “It’s already settled on the table waiting for you.”
As if listening to what he says, my stomach growls again and my nose immediately picks up the scent of fried eggs, bacon, pastries and other delicacies coming from the kitchen through the door. 
My mouth waters.
Cedar flashes me a smile. “Have fun, sugar.” 
I rush inside the bathroom, slamming the door shut. I lean against it, taking deep breaths.
Then I yell, even though I know he could hear me anyway. “Don’t tell me what to do!”
I try to tell myself that the shivers racing through my body are anger. 
But I can taste the lie.

🐺 🐺 🐺

Arms crossed, I lean on against the couch, waiting for him to get the door open. I know it’s him on the other side.
Cedar’s face lights up when he opens the door and spots me. “Ready, sugar?” he asks with a smile.
I roll my eyes and am about to grab my suitcase when I hear him say firmly, “Stop.”
I look up at him, confused.
“I’ll carry this. The car is already unlocked, get in.” He points with the tip of his chin outside.
Knowing it would be pointless to complain, I simply abandon my suitcase, well, I better accept this before he carries me in his arms, too.
Just as I’m about to walk past him, with my head held high, I may add, he asks sternly. “You’ve had your breakfast?”
I stop in my tracks. “Yes.”
Before I can thank him, his voice cuts through the air—low, deep, and laced with a smug satisfaction that makes my skin spark. “Good girl.”
Oh, fuck me already.
I quicken my pace to get to the car, starting to feel my panties getting wet.
As soon as I get into the black Porsche, I spot his black leather jacket. I quickly glance back at him and realize that he is already closing the trunk. I sit down and pick up the jacket, then I bring it to my nose.
The scent of his cologne swirls around me, rich and masculine. Fresh-cut tree and leather. 
His scent really *does* smell nice.
“Are you sniffing my jacket?” he asks before opening the driver’s door, and I nearly jump. 
“No, because that would be weird!” 
He smirks, all pleased with himself, as he sits.
“I’m just cold,” I add a lie, covering my chest with his black jacket for good measure.
Instantly, his green gaze falls on my exposed legs and his eyes darken. The short purple dress I’m wearing barely covers my ass. Cedar licks his bottom lip before smirking again as he puts on his seatbelt and faces forward.
Before he starts the car, I hear him muttering under his breath a string of curses, something like my dresses will be the death of him.

🐺 🐺 🐺

“If it isn’t my best friend. Someone in the big city stole your phone, Vi? You can’t call anyone?” 
The words are scolding, but full of a love so big, I want to burst. 
Allie is the first to hug me as soon as Ian opens the car door for me.
I should have answered her countless messages, but I needed that time to myself. Still, I feel a pang of guilt when I feel her swollen belly between us. I was supposed to be here for her entire pregnancy.
“I miss you, Allie,” I say, having to bend down to hug my tiny best friend properly. “Goddess, you’re huge!”
She lets out a cute groan, but I can sense she’s smiling. 
“That’s enough!” My possessive brother takes her away from my arms.
“Why don’t you just pee on her already?” I suggest with a smile. Earning a disgusted look from Allie right away. 
“EW! No!” My brother smiles at her reaction, and to tease him, she says, “If you ever do that, I’m going to get in my car and hit the road. Alone.”
Ian lets out a deep growl. “Don’t get ideas, my Little Dove,” he rumbles. 
But unaffected, Allie smiles before reaching up and kisses his cheek. However, she only manages to do that because Ian leans down for her. 
They are too cute. Perfect together. How did we not realize she was his fated mate before?
“Now, get inside, Little Dove. You need to take your nap.” Ian turns her around and, with a soft pat on her ass, sends her off. 
I’m about to scold him because I want my best friend as Allie glares at him over her shoulder but then my poor best friend yawns as doing so while she strokes her swollen belly. Then Cedar reaches her and places a soft kiss on the top of her head. She places an arm around his waist and together they enter the packhouse.
Ian stares at them before shifting his dark gaze to me. 
But he catches me looking at them, too, and now, as our eyes lock, he waggles his eyebrows. 
‘Don’t even start,’ I mindlink him. “I can’t believe you told *him* where I was!”
“I had no choice.” Ian’s face turns serious. “I couldn’t risk your safety, Vi.”
“Did you have to send *him* after me?”
Ian smirks. “Well, as you’ve seen, my fated mate is too pregnant to travel, and I sure as shit wasn’t going to leave her here alone.” He crosses his arms. “Besides, it’s about time you got back.”
“Why didn’t you just text me then?”
His grin widens. “Oh. I didn’t know that was an option.”
Fucking hell. I shove him as I start walking to the packhouse. “Help me out a little bit. Just once in a Blue Moon, would you?” 
“This is me helping you, Vi.” He catches up to me and puts his stupid big arm around my shoulders. “I’m forgiven, right?”  
“Get lost,” I say, elbowing him in the ribs. “I’ll let you know when you’ve done enough groveling.” 
Ian snorts, and I shake my head, smiling. 
Minutes later, after Ian headed to their room to make sure Allie was taking her nap and left me alone, I open my bedroom door. Not the one I had been sleeping in the guest wing, but the one I shared with Jordan.
I see no dust. Or Jordan’s scent. Which means that Ian must have arranged for a deep cleaning service here. He really is a better brother than I gave him credit for.  
I walk into the room and sit on the edge of the bed. 
No. Uh-huh. I still feel suffocated here.
But just as I’m about to get up, the bedroom door opens.
“Mom?”
Lily looks at me with her big, hesitant eyes. She doesn’t get inside the room; she just stands in the open doorway. Ian didn’t even have to tell me earlier that she was playing outside, I can tell, just looking at her messy hair with a few torn orange leaves stuck in it.
I stand up. “Lily.”
I want to run and hug her, but the last time I tried that, my daughter did not like it.
I clear my throat. “How have you been?” I ask at the same time she asks me, “How was your trip?”
Well, at least she’s not giving me sharp answers. Breathing a sigh of relief, I respond with a smile. “New York’s great. But it’s not Blackmoon.” 
“Does that mean you’re home?” The hope in Lily’s voice is also written on her sweet face. “For good?” 
Goddess... I should have come back sooner. Feeling a lump in my throat, I nod. “For now. Yes, honey.” 
I cough, clearing my throat. I feel tears forming in my eyes. 
“See you at dinner then.” Without another word, she turns and closes the door. 
I sit on the edge of the bed again and shed a few tears of joy.
Then I take a shower and put on my silk burgundy robe just as I hear someone knocking on my bedroom door. Tying it around my waist, I glance at Jordan’s stupid closet door. I haven’t opened it yet. I don’t know if Ian took his stuff out of there or not. I feel fury bubble in my chest as I yank the door open.
Just thinking that evil man had abused me all those years...
“What do you want?” I snap.
“Hey, sugar,” Cedar says, his hand on the handle of my suitcase in front of him. “I was wondering what you think about tomorrow morning—”
“No.”
“Can you at least listen?” he asks, still smiling, as if I hadn’t brutally cut him off. “Usually every morning, me and Lil—”
“I don’t want anything to do with you. Leave me alone!”
Can’t he see I’m not worthy of him? Just look at him! Cedar is like a perfect Greek god. Absolute perfection, like sunshine personified. While I’m hollow inside. I’m rotten to the core. Everything I touch turns to ruin. Everyone around me ends up suffering for years in one way or another because of me. Look at Ian, who suffered all those years with that curse that was meant for me. If only it had been... 
Jordan's betrayal broke so much more than my heart. It broke my ability to even want to open up again. To trust. What if I open up to my real fated mate and he really sees me? The rotten thing I am!
I violently take my suitcase from his hands without thinking and a shot of electricity runs through me, making me gasp. I take a step back, almost falling. 
I stare up at him, my heart pounding, and for a wishful, crazy moment, I think he is going to hold me in his arms. Then I remember I don’t deserve him. And that is as good as being thrown in a cold mountain lake. 
I’m not interested in him. And I need to find a way to get past this weird and obsessive attraction of our mate bond that I feel towards him. 
I raise my voice when I say it, not caring who is listening nearby, “I don’t want to go out or anything else. With you. Do you understand?”
There is silence behind him. 
Yeah, I get that I’m being harsh. Especially considering this is not his fault, it’s mine. 
I feel like a complete shit. Especially as his face goes slightly pale. 
Fuck. 
Did I hurt him? 
‘Of course you hurt him, you stupid human!’ Roxy growls. ‘Do something. Make it better!’  
I open my mouth, uncertain what I’m going to say. In my heart, all I know is that I need to wipe away that crushed look in his beautiful eyes. 
However, what comes out of my mouth is something else entirely. “I don’t want you here. I don’t want to *see* you, *fuck* you, or *have* a damn thing to do with you. Get out of my sight. Get out of my house! You make me sick. I can’t even have a shred of peace in my own home with you here. I want nothing—NOTHING—to do with you. You’re not welcome here!”
He looks like a deer caught in the headlights. So lost and hurt because of my words.
‘You’re a shit head. A complete and utter stupid human. You just hurt our dear mate! Who has never done anything to us.’  
“You will pay for your lies.”
“I don’t want anything to do with you! Leave me the fuck alone!”
“Don’t worry. I won’t get in your way.” He squares his shoulders.
I grab the door handle to close it in his face, but I hear him say, “Oh, and, sugar?” 
I pause and look back at him. “Yes?”
“When I fuck you,” Cedar smirks, his dilated meadow green eyes going almost black with that signature wickedly confident gleam. “It’ll be because you’re on your knees, begging for it like it’s the only thing keeping you alive.”