21 - Tangled Desires

ARIA’S POV

My head pounded mercilessly as I opened my eyes, suddenly greeted by the blinding morning light filtering through the unfamiliar room. It took a moment for my blurry vision to adjust, and comprehension slowly tricked in, panic surged through my veins.

I sat up suddenly with my eyes roaming around and trying to make sense of my surrounding. I was definitely hangover and the sheer intensity of it made me feel as though a freight train ran straight through my skull. Images of the previous night flickered in fragment and mingling with a haze of alcohol-induced confusion. What the fuck have I done?

As I pushed aside the tangled sheets and stumbled towards the door, a wave of mortification washed over me. The memories were tricking in slowly, my mind replaying the embarrassing moments like a cruel movie reel. I had come back with Kyle to his house to look over my presentation slides which we ended up not doing at all, but instead I got insanely drunk and wanted to have sex with him and when he refused I – I – puked on him.

God!!

Why did I let myself get so drunk? I looked around the room, hoping to find all my belongings so I could flee and flee out of California as a whole. My bag wasn’t in sight which meant it was still on dining table. I spied my reflection on the large oval mirror in the room and I gasped, my hair was incredibly messy, my face swollen from the hangover with large dark circles under my eyes and breath reeked of stale liquor – I gagged. In my desperate attempt to flee from the consequences of my actions, I opened the door quietly and walking on tiptoes to flee out of his house but because of my own bad luck, I tripped clumsily over my own feet, only to be stopped dead in my tracks by his sudden appearance. Kyle stood there already dressed in a suit, watching me curiously with a slight amusement on his face and my cheeks reddened in shame.

I stood up, my eyes looking everywhere but him, “I need to go,” I said, “This was a mistake – I really shouldn’t have come here.”

His eyes bore into mine, “Do you remember anything at all from last night?”

I pretended to think before shaking my head, “Not a thing.”

“Ahh,” he breathed, moving closer to me and circling around me, “You said you needed me, you wanted the raw and animalistic sex we used to have.”

“It was the liquor talking.” I intervened, tension thickening in the air as he said those words to me. It was too early, way too damn early to be getting seduced by Kyle and I was damn too hangover to handle it.

Kyle shook his head, “I’m going to ask one more time that we’re both sober and we’re not tainted by the temptations of the night – ” he moved closer to me and crowding my space. He placed both hands on the dining table, trapping me in between his hands and looking deep into my eyes that I gulped.

“Is there any part of you that still feels something for me – even in the slightest?”

Tension thickened in the air, an uncomfortable silence descending upon us and Kyle was completely focused on me, waiting for my answer and the only thing that rang in my head was Sam’s words to me: ”Remember that he hurt you, wear it like a Covergirl lipstick.”

“No.” I whispered slowly and Kyle nodded even though it was a bold-faced lie, the disappointment evident on his face that he pulled his eyes away from me. I stayed silent, my heart pounding and waiting for him to say something.

He nodded, “That’s fine, we’re just friends remember.” but there was nothing fine about his demeanor, it was cold and hurt and I felt a part of it even though I didn’t want to.

“You can take the day off but remember your pitch is in two days, you can help yourself to anything in the fridge – ” then he nodded at me and walked out of his house leaving me and when I turned back, there was my father’s necklace, carefully placed on the table.

***

The television was screaming at me while I lay helpless on the bed that smelled like Shawn but instead the weight of my emotions pressed heavily on me. A deep ache settled in my chest, a gnawing sense of longing coursing through my veins. I peeked at my phone for the umpteenth time that day, expecting a text from Shawn but there was none – wasn’t he thinking about me?

I sat alone in the room, under the heavy sheets with the blinds drawn and the darkness settling around me. I was scrolling through my phone now, through our pictures together, the laughter and the late movie nights we had together with exhausted eyes. But amidst the maze of longing I had for Shawn, another figure occupied my thoughts – Kyle. I wasn’t supposed to be thinking about him but he infiltrated my thoughts at every chance – his expression when the word ‘No’ flew out of my mouth, the hesitation, the inability to form the words that would betray my true emotions.

In all honestly, I had never stopped thinking about Kyle, despite our dirty history and the tangled web of emotions I always found myself in. It was Kyle who invaded my dreams, he was the one who made my heart race with anticipation, he was the one who drew out sinful desires in me and left me wanting more all the time, and yet, I couldn’t help but question my own motives. Was my interest in Kyle simply a way to fill the void left by Shawn or was it vice versa? Did I date Shawn to fill the void left my Kyle?

The next day at work, I had fully occupied myself with finishing up my pitch and leaving no room for my thoughts to occupied by either Shawn or Kyle. I stayed way past working hours in the company’s library making sure to dot every i, and cross all my t’s. It was way past 9pm when I finally finished and while I packed my bag to go home, I felt a presence at the door of the library and my chest constricted and the thought of who it might be, when I looked up my fears were concerned. My eyes snapped up, locking onto the figure standing there in all it’s glory. It was Kyle, his form silhouetted against the dimly lit hallway. His intense gaze bored into mine, a delicate shiver traced its path along my spine. The air crackled with a magnetic pull, an undeniable force pulling me towards him no matter how much I was determined to resist him.

I missed him, I wanted him.

In that instant, the weight of anticipation filled the room hanging between us like an unspoken promise. The sexual tension – electric and intoxicating had been building for far too long and reaching its peak in this climatic moment. It was as if time stood still as we stared at each other, my heart longing and a certain understanding passing between us that we could in fact no longer resist the undeniable connection pulling us together.

Without hesitation, our feet carried us toward each other, our bodies drawn by a invisible thread. I ran towards me in an urgency that I could not even comprehend and he caught me in his hands in that same urgency and immediately, he crashed his lips unto mine, our lips meeting in a passionate collision.

Fuck! I missed him so much.