45 - LIES AND LIES

It was his hands I felt roaming my body, massaging the tension away from my shoulders – soft but manly. The firmness of his hands fit perfectly unto the softness of my skin, slididng over my collarbones and collecting at the deep curve that sat on my neck. I took a deep breath and allowed myself to relax, I wanted to take his hands and take them to my mouth to lick the deliciousness away, so when the words *Oh Kyle* flew out my mouth, I didn’t realize my mistake until those hands were forcefully pulled away from my body and Shawn’s voice came ringing in my head.

“What!!”

My eyes shot open and I gasped to find Shawn’s hurt expression pouring down on me

“I’m – I’m sorry, it was a mistake” I tried to defend but it sounded pointless as Shawn was walking away into the bedroom and I desperately followed him, his footsteps loud with anger and mine timidly compensating.

“You’re thinking about him, aren’t you?” he whipped around to face me by the time we got to the bedroom.

“I’m not – it was – was just a honest mistake”

“Mistake?” he countered “You calling your ex’s name while I touch you was a mistake? Wait? Were you picturing him while my hands were on you? Is he the one you want Aria? Is he the one you fucking want?” his voice grew louder with each question that followed and I stepped back a bit in my bid to calm him down.

“No – ” but he wouldn’t let me speak

“No, tell me right now – is he the one you want and oh don’t let me be the obstacle stopping you from being with the love of your life” he spat angrily, his pupils dilating with each angry word that flew out of his mouth.

“Shawn stop it!” I said, my voice slightly raised but only so he could listen to me “You’re not any obstacle, I don’t want him, and he clearly doesn’t want me either”

“Oh I see” he let out a sarcastic scoff with a dramatic eye roll. “He doesn’t want you, so I’m the rebound guy, I’m – ”

“You left on your accord Shawn, and you came back and proposed to me, I accepted because I love you and I want this to work. I made a mistake – a stupid mistake and it doesn’t mean I don’t love or I want him more. I love you, you saved my life remember, you pulled me out of nothing and I owe you my life” I let the words flow out of me as I stepped closer to him now. My words were true even though they were tainted with doubt. But I held unto his hands and looked into his eyes, a reminder that I was well alive because of him and he should be the one that I should be dedicating my life to. It should be his name that I should be calling when I closed my eyes, I should be seeing him not Kyle, yearning for him not Kyle. But how could I do that when he was in fact not Kyle, when they didn’t smell the same and Shawn’s stare didn’t cause the internal commotion that Kyle did. When there was nothing holy about my desires for Kyle, they were dark, sinful and immoral.

But Shawn was secure – Shawn was what I needed after everything Kyle put me through.

“I’m sorry” I said quietly, as he drew me into his hands, and I could feel his anger slightly melting away, his hands tightening around my waist like he was holding for his dear life.

“I love you” I whispered in the air between us, our foreheads touching and our breaths mingling.

“Promise?”

“I promise” I said back with a dull ache festering at my chest, even when his lips met mine in a cold, wet kiss, the ache festered. I kissed him back forcing myself to conjure the image of Kyle out of my head. The kiss deepened the French way, my lips wet with his saliva and enticing still. I wrapped my hands around his neck to pull him close and just when he was going for thr special kill – my neck, my phone started ringing out loud from where I dropped it on the dining section.

“Ignore it” my voice came out in raggedy breaths in the heat of passion, but the ringing wasn’t stopping and it was beginning to get annoying and Shawn pulled away.

“You should check it out, it sounds desperate” at this point the ringing had stopped, and I saw it as an opportunity to get back into Shawn’s good mood but the ringing continued and I groaned.

“Fineee” I slipped out of his embrace while he plopped on the bed to wait for me. I padded over to the dining section and picked up my phone to find Kyle’s name sprawled boldly on my screen – I froze. What does he want now? Why couldn’t he just leave me alone and stop igniting feelings that I wanted to stay hidden.
My hand hovered over the green button, reluctant to pick it up even though my insides were more desperate than curious, but the ringing didn’t stop, it screamed incessantly at me till I pushed on the receiver and pushed the phone to my ears while I held my breath.

“Aria – ” Heavy breaths filled my ears. The background felt rowdy and noisy and I could hear loud music filtering through the call. “Come get me” I could barely make out his words that I felt like he might be drunk and slurring his words until somebody took the phone.

“You need to come pick him up, he’s at a bar downtown and he might most likely get into a fight. It’ll be a shame to see his pretty face get beat up” a female voice filled my ears and the confusion plastered on my brain.

“What?” I let out

“I’ll send you his location” she said and the call ended immediately, followed by a text with a location tag.

I took a deep breath and and stared hard at my phone, I couldn’t leave him there, I couldn’t abandon him not while he was drunk and alone, not while I was the only one he could call for help. This meant one thing, I had to lie to Shawn.

I walked back to the room to Shawn patiently waiting for me and he had an eager glint in his eyes “Who was that?”

My heart thumped as the words flew out of my mouth “It was Sam, she’s drunk off somewhere alone, apparently her date ditched her something”

Shawn gave me a weird look “That’s so unlike her” I know it was so unlike her, but what would you have me do?

“I know, it’s crazy. I have to pick her up or something, make sure she’s okay” I hated myself with each word that left my mouth, but I couldn’t help it, and I couldn’t undo it. I was way in too deep now to turn back.

“I’m sorry honey, would you be okay?” I asked him and he nodded

“Just go on, text me what’s up” I nodded gratefully at him and dashed out the room. On my way out, I took out my phone and sent a quick text to Sam.

“Just this once, cover me up. You’re drunk and in a bar alone” I knew she wasn’t going to like it, Sam wasn’t the kind of friend to aid your bad decision, she was rather too logical and too mature, it was difficult to comprehend sometimes.

In less than a second, her text flew in as I boarded a cab “What the bloody hell are you up to Aria?”

*I don’t know