39 - I SHOULD'VE SAID NO

*Shawn is proposing to me

*Shawn is proposing to me

*Oh my God! What do I do

My head rambled with thoughts as I took everything in. Turning around to find Shawn kneeling before me. What happened? How did I get here? How did everything take a turn so fast?
The shock of this sudden proposal lingered in the air like a delicate wisp of smoke trickling through the air, swirling around me as I tried to make sense of emotions that was already threatening to overwhelm.

*Will you marry me Aria Thorne?

The weight of those words – the glittering diamond that he held out to me.

“Shawn –” I called, with my mouth slightly ajar, stepping forward to take his face in – his delicate, handsome face that somehow I had missed. His patient eyes searched mine as he locked my gaze with

“I thought about, I had enough to think about and there wasn’t a moment that made sense without you” his voice washed over me like a soothing balm

“I love you Aria”

Those were the words. *Three Words, Eight Letters* – and he said them to me without the slightest hesitation, he said to me like he was singing my praise

“I love you so much and I know it’s with you that I belong, in your loving arms that keeps me warm and hold my senses captivate” he said and I chuckled nervously.

“Where did you learn to be so poetic?” I added playfully and he chuckled.

“I’m sorry baby, I should never have doubted you and I shouldn’t have left my insecurities get the better of me. I was stupid and I’m learning – learning to be a better man for you everyday” his words caught me off guard even as smoothly as they flowed out of his mouth and caressing me in my confused state. Shawn always knew how to do that – why should I throw that away.

I wanted to say no, I should have said no even when the thoughts of Kyle was still tripping in and out of my head. I should have turned away and said my heart belonged to another even though he pushed away. I should have shut it down and said it’ll never be the same with him that I didn’t want to spend my whole life chasing a high that I could never achieve with him. But Shawn safe, he offered the security that I craved that Kyle would never be able to provide. I would drown in assurances with Shawn but my anxiety was off the roof even when I just barely think about Kyle.

“Please marry me Aria” Shawn said, his eyes boring into mine and the words slipped out of my mouth before I could catch it.

“Yes” and it was out – out in the open for Shawn to hear and for the dozen other people that jumped out of the corner cheering at me now as Shawn stood up and slipped the ring into my finger, pulling me into a hug where I could sniff in his cologne that had missing for a while now.

“I love you so much” he whispered in my ears

Three Words, Eight Letters.

Why was it so easy for him to say but Kyle choked on the word.

“Congratulations girl” Sam pulled me aside and squeezing me in a tight hug and it just occurred to me that I never told her about the whole deal with Kyle and I was probably wondering that very moment if I had made the right choice.

“I don’t know Sam” she saw the look on my face and I was sure she must’ve sniffed the doubts from my eyes – she pulled me further aside while Shawn shook hands and exchanged hugs with the other people he had invited some who were his coworkers and our mutual friends, I could spot Janice from my workplace and a random dude from finance I couldn’t remember his name at this overwhelming moment but he had met Shawn at some weird camp during college, we had all collectively went out for drinks a few times.

“What do you mean you don’t know” Sam asked me and I shrugged.

“I’m confused okay – ”

“Don’t tell me this is about Kyle – ” she was saying but she could easily read the looks on my face and maybe there was a slight hint I was revealing that I didn’t know I was revealing but immediately her hands went to her mouth, covering it in shock

“You slept with him, didn’t you ?” she said all of a sudden and my eyes widened. “You bloody slept with him Aria”

“Look okay – it just happened. I was attracted to him like a fucking magnet and in my defense, Shawn and I were broken up” I tried to defend but Sam wasn’t having it, she kept shaking her head at me drawing guilt and it was working.

“You’re letting him in – you’re giving him an opportunity to ruin you again”

“I’m not” I said immediately “It’s not like that, Kyle and I are never going to work”

“Then why are you confused?” the question was like a stab to my chest because I held the answer in my chest but I was unwilling to admit it, and Sam knew it but she was going to let me hear it.

“Because there’s part of you that wants things to workout with you – a very large part of you” she said and I rolled my eyes at the reality of her statement. Why did she always have to be right? Why did she always have to be so level-headed, why couldn’t she indulge in my terrible decision making just for once?

“Shawn is a good guy, he’s never going to leave you” she looked about to say something else when Shawn walked in our midst and grabbing me by my waist to pull me closer to him.

“I’m sorry Sam, I know she’s your best friend but permit to steal my fiancé for a minute” he had that cheesy on his face for when he was extremely excited, and I noticed the unconscious bounce of his left leg on the floor. Shawn turned to me placing a kiss on my cheek, then moving to lips and I returned the softness of his lips with the slow movement of mine, his tongue slightly invading and I tried to get into it. I tried to push the magnitude of the of the whole situation and focus of the sweetness of his kiss, allowing his hands to run through my hair and the slight massage he offered. I pulled away but our heads still locked together – slightly out of breath.

“God, I’ve missed you” he said

“I’ve missed you too” I said back because I really did.

We were still smiling in each other’s faces when someone walked up to us, I looked up to find Janet smiling at us. Janet was the foxy lady that I had meant the other time that I went to Shawn’s workplace and even at that moment she still had that foxy look on her face, the look like she knew something that I didn’t.

“Congratulations you guys” she stepped forward to take us both in her arms for a group hug and somehow I noticed she lingered a little longer on Shawn’s side before she finally pulled away

“Thank you” I returned her smile, thinking she was going to walk but it looked like she had more things to say.

“You know, he was miserable the whole time he was sleeping on my couch – ”

“You were sleeping on her couch?” the question came out more accusatory than I imagined in my head while I looked between both of them, the air suddenly turning awkward.