66 - RUINED PARTY

I had swiped my hands multiple times on my red strapless dress, my other hand was fixed in Shawn’s hands and each time the dampness caused my hands to slip away but he tightened his hold each time, throwing me a concerned look.

“You okay?”

“Just nervous” I responded. It was finally our engagement party that Shawn had raved about the entire week and I couldn’t deny that it digged a nervous pit in my stomach. Going through with this party to the end, in front of our friends and his family meant one thing – I was choosing him. Was I choosing him? Was this a happy choice or was it a safe choice?

I thought of Kyle, I was always thinking of Kyle. He drifted in and out of my head like a bad song on repeat, never giving me a chance to think of any other thing except him. It was like an addiction, he was the drug but I just couldn’t have enough. He brought me to a high and then when I ached for more, he drops me, leaving me through the very catastrophic fall just after an euphoric high.

“You ready? – they’re waiting for us out there” Shawn said to me now pulling me out of thoughts and I turned to him absent mindedly and I offered a nod. We were seated behind a curtain that separated us from the party, I could hear the constant chatters and high pitched laugh from the guests outside, waiting for us, waiting to cheer on the happy couple and wish us a happily ever after.

Ugh!

Shawn grabbed my hands tighter, preparing to lead us unto the party he had single-handedly planned but as we stepped out my mind kept drifting back to the conversation I had with Kyle and the shocking question he had thrown at me.

*“Do you ever think about what could have been – I mean when you were pregnant with my child”

I had frozen when the question popped out of his mouth, his gaze fixed on mine and my brain instantly fried. I stared at him, my mouth falling open but no words came out.

“Why are you asking me that? Now especially” I had finally managed. The memories were resurfacing, and they weren’t memories that caused butterflies to flutter in my stomach, they were memories that cut deep, memories that I’d rather prefer forgotten.

“We never got to talk about that” he told me “We never got to resolve it or anything and it haunts everyday what happened then – ”

“We don’t have to resolve anything” I cut him off instantly but this was me avoiding talking about it “We don’t even have to remember anything okay, it happened and I’m over it Kyle”

“We lost a baby”

My ears burned with those words, my chest constricted painfully and I stepped back from Kyle with a scoff escaping my lips. I couldn’t fathom words, I could only make sounds to explain the pain I was feeling at Kyle digging up memories I wanted to stay forgotten.

The cheers erupted in my ears as Shawn and I walked out, pulling me away from the school thoughts which I was currently attending. I gasped in awe of everything Shawn had pulled together. The whole setting looked like something straight out of fairytale book where the prince and princess lived happily ever after but after surviving the big scary gremlin who wanted to steal the princess because her father owed him.
Soft, warm lighting bathed the room in a golden glow. I looked up at the crystal chandeliers hung from the high ceiling and swaying with a threat of imbalance, their prisms catching the light and scattering it in a dazzling display of shimmering rainbows.

“This is amazing” I mouthed to him, maintaining a dazzling smile that I extended to the guest rallying around with congratulatory hugs and kisses on the cheek. But the uncertainty dazzled in my eyes, and I was afraid Shawn could spot it. My smile faltered at intervals, my heart fluttered nervously in my chest with my doubts and fears swirling in my mind and leaving room for no other thoughts.
Shawn’s hand tightened even more around mine, his gaze filled with love, pride and excitement as he led me further into the room. Glasses clinking, voices chattering, people smiling at me and I was forced to return them. My faced ached from smiling too much but I had to keep it on – I had to.

Shawn pulled me close by my waist, and he whispered “Wanna dance?”

“Sure, why not”.

He led me to the center of the room, where there were rose petals littered intricately on the floor, my dressing sweeping over there. Sweet music trickled in and Shawn held me close, his chest touching mine and I rested my head on his shoulder to avoid looking at him. We had slow danced for a while before other people joined us on the dancefloor. They were questions in the air but who was going to ask them talk more of even answering there.

Sensing my unease and the palpable tension in the air, Shawn said “You seem off”

This time I looked at him, and from the look on his face it was obvious he could tell what I was thinking and I saw pain flash across his eyes that caused my chest to tighten.

“No – ” he tried to say

“I can’t do this” I managed to say, surprised that I didn’t choke in the process.

“Because of him?” the look of disgust was evident on his face and for some reason I wanted to smack it off with the back of my palms

“Because of a lot of things” I choked out “It’s just there are a lot of unresolved things and I can’t go on, I can’t be happy if I don’t resolve them”

“With him, you can say it you know. In fact you can call his fucking name Kyle Hart, you don’t need to walk on eggshells”

“I’m not – ”

“I know you went to meet him that night you claimed Sam was drunk out in a bar”

I paused at his statement and he raised his brows with a smirk like he just had the perfect ‘got you’ moment.

“Nothing happened, he needed my help. I just couldn’t tell you because you’re always so insecure about him”

Shawn scoffed “Bullshit”

“I’m not trying to hurt you, I just – ”

“I saved your life Aria. I picked you up from nothing when he abandoned you like dirt on the roadside. I was there for you, I took care of you, I fucking loved you – ”

“Then maybe you shouldn’t have cheated” I said loudly, my voice raised to a tempo that immediately caught the attention of everyone else and instantly, a hush fell across the room and dead silence panned through.
Shawn’s eyes widened at the unexpectedness of my words and his lips sealed shut.

“I know – I saw those texts Shawn so maybe, you didn’t love me as much as you thought”