81 - I NEED TO KNOW

“What the hell!” I gasped looking at him in horror with a pounding heart “Are you following me now?”

“I was peacefully enjoying my meal when I saw you walk in to meet him. What are you trying to prove? How do you think that makes me feel huh? It’s barely been a week and you’re rubbing it in my face, gallivanting your new boyfriend around –”

“It’s not like that Shawn, how was I supposed to know you were here at this particular time?”

“Bullshit” he spat, still backing me up on the wall and leaving no space for me to breathe but I managed to push him away the amount he was willing to budge which wasn’t very much.

“You know what Shawn? You’re going to have to find a way to deal with this and stop – stop this”

The look he gave me after that statement was murderous, like something had ticked inside him giving his eyes a weird kind of glaze that I wouldn’t lie scared the shit out of me.

“I’m going to have to find a way?” he scoffed, then pushed back unto the wall with my back slamming hard that I flinched. “You bloody – you think you’re so high and mighty now huh? You think he’s the love of your life, the one meant for you and who could never do so wrong in your eyes even though that’s all he’s ever done under your very nose but you’re so –” he stopped to catch his breath

“You’re so fucking blind, it’s disgusting to see”

“Stop!” I called out, his words were doing exactly what he wanted them to do, jab at my heart and creating a hole of uncertainty. It wasn’t just his words, it was the way he looked at me, the anger in his bloodshot eyes glossing over his brutal tone and it was all directed at me. How could have changed so fast, how could we have changed so quickly. He was no longer the sweet guy that doted over me, I had turned him to something else because I chose the one person I presumed was meant for me.

“Just stop it Shawn!” I yelled further

“Stop what? You think he’s so perfect don’t you? It doesn’t rain where he stands meanwhile it’s always been a thunderstorm behind your back”

“What?” I shot him a confused look but he gave out an evil chuckled that only infuriated me further, satisfaction crawling between the lines on his face from my confusion. He was getting the exact reaction that he desired, my curiosity was peaking because he had the look of someone that knew something that I didn’t.

“Do you think he has always been faithful to you even in college?” Shawn looked at me, his gaze intensely fixed on mine as if waiting to notice the slightest crack in my expression while I fought to keep my face neutral but my heart was pounding again, what was Shawn driving at?

“Kyle was everything in the bad book but he wasn’t unfaithful” I managed to say but Shawn only gave a dry laugh that caused a certain tightness in my chest.

“Right” he said “If you say so”

Then he proceeded to leave but immediately I grabbed him by his shirt drawing back to me. It was working, whatever Shawn was trying to do was working and now he had planted a seed of doubt in my head that seemed to be growing larger every passing second

“What do you mean by that Shawn?”

He looked at me, longer that I wanted him to because I’ll prefer if he was using words more than his eyes.

“Speak!” I urged him but he only laughed now, freeing himself from my hold

“I’m not the person you should be asking – ask Sam” and he walked away immediately while I stood there dumbfounded and in shock.

*Sam? Why Sam?

The question repeated itself a million times in my brain and I stood there trying to make sense of the last words that Shawn had spewed out of his mouth. Different thoughts flew in and out of my head but I didn’t want to dwell on them, I didn’t want to give in to my own overthinking and assumptions, I didn’t want to jump head on into the sea of conclusions, I wanted to paddle my way there slowly and logically.

So I got out of the restroom back to Kyle who was still patiently waiting and when his eyes met mine he gave an impatient but jovial sigh “Jeez, I thought you ran out on me” he joked.

I offered a faint smile that didn’t go all the way to my face, not with what Shawn had thrown at me and I could barely look him in the eye, I needed to know, I needed to know for sure.

“They ran out of toilet paper” I said in a desperate attempt to keep the tension that was budding inside me away from the air, I needed the atmosphere light and Kyle’s chuckling at joke was evident that it was working.

We walked out of the restaurant while I tried to find any trace of Shawn around but there was none and I let Kyle hold unto my hands and lead me out. The sun was hot on my back as we walked to his car but I didn’t get in.

“I could drop you wherever you want” he said to me and I shook my head.

“I’m sure you have to get back to work, I have somewhere to be. I’ll catch up with you later” I didn’t wait for a response and I dashed away immediately, hailing the next taxi and getting in immediatey. I knew where I needed to go, and I didn’t want to waste any second at all. The seed Shawn had planted was already germinating and I needed to pull it out as soon as possible so when I stepped into the lobby of Sam’s office my heart had started the weird pound again and this time my sweaty palms had joined the charade.

A single knock “Come in” her voice sounded from within, and when I stepped in her office her eyes widened in surprise and she dropped her pen immediately.

“Aria, I wasn’t – I wasn’t expecting you”

“I know – I’m sorry for dropping in like this, I’m sure you’re busy but I just really need to talk to you”

Her face was accommodating, I hadn’t seen her or talked to her since the night of the engagement party where we had a fall out and with the look on her face, she was hoping for a reunion and I was too but I needed Shawn to be wrong – God, I needed him to be so wrong so I could hug my best friend.

“Of course sit down” she gestured at the chair opposite her table, set in her pristine office with no decorations save for the single plant hanging by the window. Sam always had awful taste.

“I need to ask you something and I need you tell me the truth, just the truth Sam”

Her face was now contorted in confusion, a little apprehensive but she managed to hide it well and she waited for me to speak.

I took a deep breath, paused a few and struggled to form the words in my mouth, each time I tried to speak the words dissolved in my mouth but she was patient – she just had to be.

But eventually the courage came and I spewed the words “Did you – did you and Kyle ever have anything. I mean in college, probably when we were still together?”

There was a thick silence and my heart broke instantly.

Her silence was all the answers I needed to know.