Learning

Becky's P.O.V



Rian looked at me very closely studying my face as if trying to read my thoughts. The air around us was quiet but it felt full of heavy worries that we both knew were there but hadn’t said out loud.


After a brief period of silence he finally decided to say something. His voice was both serious and quiet as he spoke.


“You really need to take action on this” he urged.


“It is very very important for you to find a way to manage and control the special abilities that you possess. If you do not take steps to do this there is a real possibility that the unfortunate events that happened in the past could happen again. I genuinely want to help you prevent having to bear that heavy burden for the rest of your life which would be incredibly difficult.”


“I promise that I will not let this happen again. I really mean it” I pleaded with him my voice filled with deep emotion.


I was hoping more than anything that he could truly understand how sincere I was being and realize just how important this situation was to me.


“That's good.” Rian said as he nodded his head. He felt a little bit of the tension in his shoulders start to go away.


“Now I believe it would be a good idea for you to go back to your room. You really need some time to think about and process everything that has just occurred.”


“Alright” I said softly my voice barely above a whisper as I turned my gaze back to the door.


I could feel a strong wave of anxiety rising up inside me once more.


“But what are other people going to think about me? They might believe that I am a dangerous person.”


Rian let out a deep sigh as he reacted to what was said. A look of understanding appeared on his face but it was a kind of understanding that I wasn’t quite certain I completely understood myself.


He continued speaking saying “Let people think whatever they want to think about you. What’s most important is that the people who truly care about you will recognize you for who you really are. They won’t just focus on what you can do or the mistakes you’ve made in the past. So now it’s time for you to go.”


I was feeling awkward as I nodded my head slightly to acknowledge them then I quickly turned around and started walking down the long corridor. As I walked I could feel their eyes on me staring hard as I moved past them.


Their soft whispers followed closely behind me seeming to linger in the air like dark shadows that wouldn’t go away. I could hear snippets of what they were saying and their words felt like sharp knives cutting through the silence.


“Did you see what she did?” one voice questioned. “That girl is just too much trouble” another added. “Maybe she doesn’t really belong with us” came a third murmur. Each of these comments felt like a clawing sensation inside me and I realized that their words were sinking deeper and deeper into my mind.


It felt as if they were pressing down on my chest making it hard for me to breathe while a heavy feeling of doubt settled in my stomach like a big uncomfortable stone.


“Just breathe.” I softly reminded myself feeling my lips press together tightly as I tried to stay strong. However I could feel the tears pushing their way to the surface making it hard to see clearly.


I refused to let anyone watch me fall apart. With a sense of urgency I picked up my pace and hurried toward my room looking for a safe space away from all the judging eyes that felt like they were closing in on me.


When I finally arrived at my peaceful place I quickly closed the door behind me with a loud bang that echoed in the quietness surrounding me.


This noise created a strong barrier protecting me from the chaos and confusion that awaited me outside. I leaned against the door feeling completely out of breath.


A wave of tiredness hit me hard and I decided to shut my eyes to block out all the overwhelming emotions that were flooding my mind. Soft dim light came into the room creating shadows that moved and flickered in the corners.


At the same time the secrets and fears that I held inside began to stir feeling restless and difficult to manage.


“Why does this keep happening to me?” I softly said to myself breaking the heavy silence that surrounded me. I felt completely isolated and alone in the difficulties I was facing.


Very slowly I lowered my body down until I was sitting on the floor. Once I got there I pulled my knees close to my chest and wrapped my arms around them.


This was my way of trying to find some comfort like giving myself a gentle hug.


However while I was doing this I couldn’t help but feel a deep and heavy sense of longing inside me. With each breath I took that feeling seemed to grow stronger.


“All I ever wanted was a place to truly belong.” I whispered quietly my voice trembling as I spoke weighed down by all the emotions I was experiencing.


A loud and unexpected noise coming from outside surprised me very much. It jolted me out of my mind and made me focus on what was happening around me. I had been lost in my deep thoughts but this sudden sound brought me back to the present moment.


Without thinking much I found myself moving closer to the door. I leaned my ear against it straining to listen carefully.


I was hoping to hear any familiar voices that might help me understand what was happening outside.


A deep sense of fear clutched at my stomach making me feel uneasy. The idea of having to confront them after everything that had happened felt overwhelmingly difficult.


I couldn’t shake the worry that they might see me as a monster someone who brings chaos and trouble wherever I go. What if they all looked at me that way?


“No I can’t allow this situation to be what defines who I am as a person” I said quietly but with determination in my voice. I was trying hard to find some inner strength deep inside myself.


I had promised myself that I would learn how to control these unusual powers that I had no matter what it took because it was absolutely essential. I needed to discover a way to manage whatever was inside me.


I wanted to shape it into something positive that would not harm the relationships and connections I desperately wanted. I longed for a feeling of belonging but it always seemed just out of reach for me…