Chapter Thirty Three

I saw tears drop from his eyes, and that felt like a stab on my chest. I wasn't going to stand and watch him charm me, I walked away from him. I could hear him whimper as I threaded on the path that led to our house. I expected him to argue with me, or try to convince me, but he didn't say a word. He stood calmly and wept. I wasn't completely wrong, he was a weakling.
Vivian was pacing the hallway when I came in unannounced. "You took less time than I thought you would. It was almost as if someone had called you out." I smiled nervously.
"I just needed the fresh air to clear my head."
"We'll fix the air conditioner and television after the operation is completed. I have been unable to fix it because I have no money. It's always best to kill for rewards than steal from shop keepers and labourers."
I said nothing, I walked on. She interrupted me. "Did you enjoy the drink?"
I didn't, but I wasn't in the mood for explaining, so I lied. "I did."
"You'll have more of it then, we are almost out of soft drinks anyways."
I continued on my way until I walked into the room and shut the door, like I hadn't heard her. And then I slumped to the floor. The lights were off, so was my emotions. Well, not yet. I was trying hard to switch it off.
Keddy's words kept on ringing in my head. "You could elope with me. We could start over again." It was a promising future, I could elope with him. I could stop stealing, I could stop killing, I could have a life.
"Are you okay?" The light switch flicked and brightness eluded the room. Nancy was with me in the room, I hadn't realized. She was lying calmly and observing me in the dark all along.
"I'm okay." She would be unable to help me anyways, what was the point of telling her?
"Camilla, so much is eating you up. What's the matter with you? I know you are not fine. From the first day we met, I sensed it. You recalled I cracked a naughty joke about your boobs? Every girl would be comfortable with that. But you weren't. You feel creeped out when ladies hug, I know there's a lot wrong with you, but I don't know how I can help. when Vivian said you weren't allowed to date, you didn't even argue. Did you even have a normal childhood? You can talk to me."
I said nothing. I stared away, wondering what a normal childhood felt like. I also wondered what it would feel like if I had a mother. "Nancy, did you have a normal childhood?" I finally asked her, unable to paint the imagination of a normal childhood.
"Well, I wouldn't say it was completely normal. But I grew up with both parents by my side. My pa and ma loved me sincerely, and they would do anything to see me happy. My sibs and I had the best time too. Sadly, they all died on the same day. The rest was nothing close to normal and somehow, I ended up here."
"Wow!" Love... By both parents and siblings? I was blank on how it felt. "How did you know they loved you?"
"My pa would do anything to see me happy. He protected me a lot of times, and I know he loves me because he died in my place."
"Your father gave his life for yours?" It was an unbelievable tale, more fiction than a reality.
"He did. Our house in Briana white city was hijacked and we were robbed. They raped my ma and younger sister to death, and killed my older brother and then they all left, while pa was mourning, one of them came back and said that he was going to rape me. My pa didn't let him, he fought him, and although the man killed him and raped me, it was a pleasant sight to see. Of course I feel guilty sometimes, you know like I took my father's life. But whenever I recall what he did for me that day, I'm hopeful that someday, I'll find someone who loves me just like my father loves my mom." She was wiping tears from her eyes.
"Okay, I guess I'd love to tell you my own story then." I began from the memories of my mother that I could recall. The days my father took me to see her, but told me she was my aunty. Meeting my cousin at Keddy's had proved my thoughts right. My mother was alive and healthy. Pedro lied my whole life. I concluded by telling Nancy how much I hated men and would never give any man a chance in my life.
"I have had a lot of bad experiences with a lot of men too, but that doesn't kill my hope and believe in love. I have seen my father love me genuinely, and I knew how much he loved my mother. I believe in love with my whole being. Don't let anyone hear this but if I meet a man now, one who I'm sure I love, and he reciprocates it, I'll not mind eloping with him. I'm a mafia gangster because that's the only way anyone in this city survives. But if I'm offered the opportunity of having a normal life, I'll not hesitate to hop on."
I said nothing. I was lost in thoughts. I had one opportunity to have a normal life, but I wasn't sure if Keddy was the man he was proving to be. Besides, if I missed the one opportunity the gang presented me to exert revenge on my father, another might never come. I was about to choose between taking the revenge I have so long waited for and having a normal life. Hating on all men, something I have spent my entire life reminding myself to do, or having a normal life.
"Nancy, you might miss me, but I know this decision is the best."
"What decision?" I was too busy texting Keddy, I didn't hear her.