CHAPTER FIFTY TWO

Jwala :

Next day, I packed my luggage to accompany him on tour. He came into the room suddenly. He didn't speak anything and just kept staring at me.

"Do you want anything?" I asked.

"You can never give what I want. Because I want your love and you didn't even know the meaning of love," Agni said in a cold tone.

I didn't say anything because I know I had broken his heart. It takes time to find a place for myself in his heart again.

"I came here to order you to pack our luggage and keep it in the car by yourself. After all, you are a caretaker for me and my baby. Let me see how well you manage it. If you make me believe that you can take care of my baby well, I will allow you to touch the baby and take care of her. However, it's just an adjustment for the sake of my baby but not for you. I didn't want my baby to miss her mom. Don't think that I melted seeing you in pain, because I don't trust you."

I nodded and packed the luggage of baby and Agni. We went to the resort. There he booked two rooms.

"I will stay with Vedika," I said

"Dear, you are here for taking care of my baby and me, not to enjoy yourself. You are staying in my room" he said

I felt happy as he allowed me to stay with him. Only then I can win his trust.

"Bring the luggage to the room," he said and went to the room with the baby.

I kept luggage in the room. My palm became red as I didn't carry heavy luggage any time. Till now Agni too didn't allow me to bring bags, but now he decided to punish me. So I must do as he said without provoking him.

"Jwala, change the diaper of the baby," he said giving a baby to me.

I am unable to do it as I never hold babies anytime which earned a glare from him.

"Idiot, don't you know how to hold the baby? Are you going to throw her down?" He scolded.

"I don't know how to hold a baby. I never hold baby till now" I said.

"Sit on the bed" he ordered.

I sat on the bed. Agni kept the baby in my lap. I looked at the baby. She is cute. I am about to kiss her, but he stopped me.

"You still didn't earn that chance to kiss the baby. You need to work a lot for that chance" he said and started searching the luggage.

"Jwala, where did you keep diapers? I am unable to find it" he said.

Only then I remembered that I forgot to keep diapers.

"I forgot to keep them in the bag."

"I didn't even find words to scold you. Jwala, is she your baby? I think you have brought her from some orphanage. You are behaving worse than a stepmother. I asked you to accompany me as a caretaker to show you that you can never be a good mother or a good wife. You are proving it" he had rebuked me.

I closed my eyes to hide my tears. How can I learn everything when no one taught me? Until this marriage, I immersed myself only in studies. I didn't know how to raise a baby. I don't know what is necessary for a baby. For the first time, I got conceived and delivered a baby. My parents are not with me to ask my doubts about raising the baby. Maybe he is right in saying that I am not a good mother or wife. I wiped my tears and looked at him. He took diaper from another bag and changed it.

"Agni, I will leave," I said crying.

"Where will you go? After a week, we will go back to our home. I don't want you to stay alone at our home; I can't risk. Shut up and stay here."

"I don't know, but I will leave. Not to our home" I said.

He kept the baby on the bed and came to me. I was about to move backwards, but he held my hand glaring at me. I closed my eyes tightly anticipating a slap from him. My eyes already had tears. But he didn't slap me.

"If you say that one more time, you will be dead in my hands. Don't change me into a beast again. If I say you are not a good mom, prove to me that you are a good mother. Don't think I will allow you to leave. Even if I hurt you, you must be here" he said, and I kissed him on lips as I am unable to bear his anger.

He didn't respond, but I kissed him. I broke the kiss, and he looked at him shockingly.

"I know you are not ready to leave me. If you want to hurt me, I am ready for that. I just said so to see your reaction. I won't leave whatever you do. I love you and our baby. I will win your trust and love. I will prove it to you that I am a good mother" I said.

He held me by the waist and pulled me near to him.

"It's quite tough to make me forgive you."

"I know that you love me," I said.

"I didn't say that I don't love you," he said.

"Jwala, I love you, and it's true if you leave, I can't live. I want to trust you completely like before, but I am scared to trust you. Jwala, I can't bear if you cheat me again. I love our baby a lot. It's ok if you hate me for what I have done to you. But please take care of the baby. She needs mother and mother's, love. I know the pain of being neglected by parents. Please don't give that pain to my child" he said and went on his knees suddenly becoming emotional.

"Agni what are you doing?"

"Till now I never begged anyone. But today I am begging you; please give your love to my child. I can do anything for her but can't give a mother's love. If you want, I will leave giving this whole property and everything to you. I want the happiness of my child. If you want, I will touch your feet, for the mistakes I made. Please, Jwala stops hurting the baby, don't hate her. She is innocent and doesn't know anything. I am sorry for everything that I have done in the past" he said and about to touch my feet.

I moved away. I can't bear this. I can't see Agni this miserable. It's better to shout at me than behaving like this. I hate myself for giving such a pain to my husband and child.

"Agni, please get up. I can't see you in pain and such a miserable condition. I am not at all angry with you. I love you both. I don't want this property. I love you and baby. I can't see you like this. I realised how much I suffered you. I will make everything right Agni. Please get up" I said.

He got up and hugged me.

"I love you. Do you love Aadarsh or me? I do not doubt you. I want to know what your heart says. Even if you don't love me, I won't ask you to leave me. But I will give you time to change your mind because Aadarsh is not right for you."

"No Agni, I didn't love Aadarsh. You are the one who is in my heart. I already accepted you and this relationship. What I want is just some time to rectify my mistakes" I said.

"When you love me and our baby, I am ready to give you a lifetime to make me forget that pain you gave me. However, I know we both experienced the same pain. But I want a promise from you."

"Tell me."

"You shouldn't talk to Aadarsh or continue your friendship with him. As I know you have a crush on him and married him, I am not that sportive to take it easy."

"Ok, I promise you. I won't talk to Aadarsh. Agni, I will do anything for you. I want you not to get hurt because of me. Nothing else"

"I will forgive you completely only when I feel you are taking care of child well."

"I will prove myself," I said.

He cupped my face.

"I will help you. Don't worry; I will teach you how to raise a baby. You didn't even know to hold a baby, but you were already a mother."

"It's your fault; I am not ready for baby and didn't know anything. Suddenly I became pregnant."

"So are you going to punish my child for my mistake?"

"No no, I will learn everything. I will do everything to make our child happy, I promise."

"If you neglect me, it's ok. But if anything happens to a child, you will see a rude Agni in me" he said, and I nodded.

Though he is angry with me, he stopped scolding me. He is talking to me, but I can find out the difference. He stopped calling me with sweet names and started calling me as Jwala. I know I should work a lot to gain his love back. However, I am happy as he at least started talking to me. Three days passed by happily with Agni and baby though they both didn't forgive me, at least gave a chance to me.

He taught me how to hold the baby, feeding her and changing a diaper, etc. But the baby started crying whenever he gives her to me. She smiles when he catches her. She sleeps when he puts her to sleep. She became a dad's girl. Even Agni is not treating me as his wife. He is treating me like the mother of his child. It's hurting, but I know I should wait with patience.