CHAPTER 63

OLIVIA'S POV
"Are you sure, Olivia? Once I leave, you'll never see me again."
My heart ached but I maintained a straight face.
"Even if you died, I wouldn't care."
Maybe I shouldn't have said the last part because I could see the hurt cross his facial expressions.
"Alright!" He yelled and turned to leave.
I wiped the tear that rolled down my cheek. It was my fault.
He never once turned to look at me. He had meant his words.
I wasn't going to see him again...
"Olivia?" Vanessa stood from the ground tugged on my forearm, "T-that man is weird, he said a bunch of nonsense-"
" -I remember everything," I announced. Vanessa froze and she let go of my arm.
"I'm sorry," She murmured under her breath. I turned to look at her and her head was bowed with a look of guilt plastered on her face.
I laughed, "Why did you lie to me?!"
Vanessa did not dare look me in the eye. I sighed, deeply. Because of her, I had lost my soulmate -
"No, it's because of you." My wolf yelled in my head and I instantly quietened. "She was right."
It was because of me.
Tears rolled down my cheeks and I fell to my knees. What had I done?!
I stared at my delicate fingers and I remembered how they'd turn into claws and ripped people and animals apart.
My hands, once innocent was now tainted. That was why I couldn't let Julian know I had a memory.
His kiss made me remember our journey together. Even though some parts were blurry, they stuck with me.
"Why did you save me?" Came Olivia's curious words.
Why did I save her?
Even I wanted to know. Protecting her just felt natural... Instinctive.
"I'm not angry," I looked at Vanessa's guilty eyes, "But from now on, I don't want to have anything to do with you."
If I let her stay with me, I would constantly be reminded of what I had done to Julian. I had cheated on my mate, caused him pain, and chosen Vanessa over him. I knew he could never forgive me after what I had done.
Tears threatened to spill but I held them in.
"Please," Vanessa knelt in front of me, her teary blue eyes staring up at me. "You can get angry at me, you can scold me but please... Don't ever leave me."
I looked away from Vanessa as the guilt tugged at my heart. To leave, I must harden my heart and leave. Only then can she find the happiness she truly deserved.
Vanessa was a precious kid and I did not blame her for lying to me. She probably felt lonely but now, I had to leave her.
But... "Vanessa," I said and I heard her hum in response.
"I'm grateful for everything."
Because of her influence, I stopped madly killing. She even accepted what I had done and loved me. I didn't know if was love or obsession but I was grateful to her.
If the situations were reversed I wasn't sure I'd stick around but Vanessa did and for that, I was very grateful.
"Thank you for not abandoning me at your worst."
"Why would I abandon you? You're the love of my life!"
I didn't know how to respond to that.
Initially, I saw Vanessa as an extension of my younger self but now...
"I'm sorry, I can't repay your love."
I glanced at Vanessa over my shoulder and my heart ached for her. I shouldn't have looked-
Now, I wasn't sure if I could leave with my heart aching like this.
I clenched my fists, What was I doing?
This had to be done, I headed moved away from Vanessa and started heading towards the woods.
"Please..." I heard her cry, "Don't leave."
I heard her cry and ignored it. I didn't hear anything else which made me let out a sigh of relief. She would learn to accept it.
As I was about to take a step into the woods, I caught a whiff of a metallic smell. My eyes widened as I realized what it was.
Blood!
I instinctively turned around and my body shook as I saw a shard of glass buried in her chest.
"VANESSA!" I screamed and ran towards Vanessa who lay on the ground with blood gushing out of her chest and mouth.
Tears spilled out of my eyes and I fell next to her and held her.
"WHY?!" I yelled.
Why would she do this to herself?
Her heartbeat was slowly beating now and it killed me inside to think she was going to die.
"I'm sorry and thank you," Her voice was shaky as she spoke and this caused her to bleed even more.
"N-no," I shook my head, "Don't say anymore."
"I'm glad I got to meet you in this lifetime ahh," She gasped and the blood started gushing out even more from her chest.
"That's enough!" I scolded, "That's enough! Don't say anymore."
"In my next life, I want to be your mate. For real."
I broke into sobs as dark blood started gushing out of her mouth.
It was my fault...
I should have threatened to leave her if I knew she'd do this.
"It's not your fault. It was never for fault, you had no other choice."
Vanessa lifted her hand to touch my face and I closed my eyes awaiting her touch but what I heard next was her hand dropping to the floor.
My eyes snapped open and I looked at Vanessa whose eyes had snapped shut. Her heart had stopped beating and she was completely silent.
A painful howl escaped the depths of my throat. She was gone.
"WHY?!" I cried.
Why did she have to do this to herself?!
I embraced her body and closed my eyes, remembering the first time we had just met.
She was standing with two brunettes and one of them had asked me, "Your honorable, Would you like a warm bath?"
"I'm fine," I had replied dismissively because I wasn't used to being taken care of.
Only Olivia had insisted on staying.
"You guys can get going, I'll help our guest settle in." She had said.
"What's your name?" I had asked.
"Vanessa."
I smiled because she was intriguing and very much gorgeous.
Then when I was being called a freeloader, I confided in her. She stiffened up at first but learned to loosen up and be free with me.
And when I had caught her being bullied in the kitchen. I had lost my shits.
"What the hell did Vanessa do to you guys? What?!" I had yelled at the bullies.
"Luna," The brunette who orchestrated the bullying bowed her head, "We didn't mean to go too far but Vanessa was caught stealing pastries."
"Only that? Is that why you all ganged up against her? What if she had died!"
"Luna," The brunette had bowed her head, "We weren't going to beat her to death. Look at her, she has no injuries."
"I don't care!"
Because of her, I became fearless.
"From now on," I had said in response to their words," VANESSA WILL ONLY SERVE ME!"
Vanessa had clutched my fingers, pleading to me with her eyes not to bother but I did not listen to her, instead, I had grabbed her hand and lifted her to her feet.
I laughed at the memory.
After lifting her to her feet, I started yelling Julian's name like an insane person.
He must have thought I was crazy too. No one would ever protect a servant girl like that and openly too.
"JULIAN!"
"Olivia," He had replied while cascading the stairs in all his glory.
"Yes?" He had asked when we met face to face.
"Vanessa was bullied by her peers. Do you just allow bullying in your pack?!"
"I-i," Julian looked at me, "I do not condone bullying in my pack, I promise."
"Then explain what I saw in the kitchen?"
I smiled. I was really brave. I even stood up to my mate.
"What did you see in the kitchen?" Julian had asked.
"In the kitchen, Vanessa was being tossed around and beaten by her fellows."
Julian had looked at Vanessa with some kind of look. He must have not liked her very much back then because I questioned his ethics toward her.
"Who is responsible for what happened to Vanessa?" He had asked and the culprits stepped forward. They couldn't defy their Alpha.
"My Luna," Julian had asked, "How do you want to punish the culprits?"
"Just have them do the entire laundry for a week. But Vanessa, she'll be my maid from now on." I had said loudly, "Anyone who touches her will be punished."
I had looked at Julian who simply stared back at me, "It is settled then."
I'd never had that amount of bravery when I was in my previous pack. I always listened to them and provided for their every need like a robot.
Although I loved cooking, sometimes it was frustrating and I didn't want the food I made with so much care and diligence to be eaten by such vile people.
I had all those thoughts which I never blurted out loud out of fear but for Vanessa, I was fearless.
Maybe at some point, I did love her.
I opened my eyes and looked at Vanessa's face.
"You're so reckless," I said.
I caressed her face and paid close attention to it. It was probably the last time I would see her like this so I took a very close look.
I wiped the bloodstain on the corner of her lips and stared close enough.
She was gorgeous but there was something underlying in her facial expressions...
It was relaxed and held a look of contentment.
"She has no regrets." My wolf called out to me.
My wolf... Spoke to me whenever she wanted, then she would disappear.
I was getting used to it.
But I was grateful for her words at this time for they gave me hope and a feeling of refreshment.
"Hopefully, you have no regrets,"
I laid Vanessa on the ground and looked up to the dark skies.
The clouds had formed and I could smell the rain coming.
I went into the house and brought out a napkin and a bowl of water. I wiped the blood off her face and body.
Then I went to get two candles. I lit them outside along with incense.
The wind turned out the candles and I did not mind. Instead of worrying, I said a prayer to the moon goddess.
"Please take Vanessa into your abode and bless her soul. Please."
The wind blew against my hair and I released a breath and embraced the feeling of loss and grief.
"Thank you, moon goddess, for sending Vanessa to me." I continued, "Because of her, I think the younger me has learned how to speak up for herself now. I will no longer hide my voice and bow my head. I will raise my head and scream out loud when I'm being wronged and I will speak for others as well."
I bowed my head as I stared into the sky.
I had always been in darkness yet I smiled and showed only my good side. The good side of mine was cowardly and weak. The good side of mine secretly craved validation from my uncaring family.
By acting all kind and strong even though my mental prowess was failing, I brought this upon myself.
I ignored my inner child and suppressed her need to be loved and seen. My shadow side was also repressed. That part of me that was wronged and wanted revenge.
I stupidly convinced myself I was fine even when I wasn't. I played small and was never true to my feelings. This led to rage and resentment that I carried inside my soul.
I never acknowledged this aspect of myself.
That was why it was easy for me to lose my shits over a memory that wasn't mine.
If only I had made better decisions, Julian and I would not be separated and Vanessa would still be alive.