Chapter hundred and sixteen

Dallas

I couldn't do anything except gawk at the man standing in front of me, my lips slightly parted in shock and awe. I haven't realized just how much I actually missed him until he was standing in front of me. How much I yearned for his touch until now. The day of our break up seems like decade ago even when it's only been three days.

“By the way, you don't have to ever worry about getting kidnapped. The area might look isolated, but the security is top notch. I made sure of that.” he rasped, his voice breaking into my trail of thoughts.

God, that voice. How I've missed that deep but soothing sound. The lack of it anywhere near me has made these past few days harder than it was supposed to be.

My breath caught as I continued to stare at the beautiful man before me. The man I love with all of my heart. The man I'd let go to protect him and everything we shared. The man who swore never to let me go.

I didn't know if it was because of how long it's been since we last saw but he looked so much better, and yet so utterly different. The person standing before me was Oliver, and yet…not. It was strange.

It wasn't his appearance that made him look different. Oliver looked impeccable in his usual suit and tie. His hair seem to have grown an inch and his moustache were now visible, proof that he hadn't taken proper care of his body the way he liked too.

But those little details weren't the change I was concerned about. Anyone could have an overgrown moustache. Something had changed in him since the last time we saw. I couldn't quite pinpoint what it was.

The memories of what happened then flooded my mind. He had confessed his feelings for me but I'd just walked away from him. A painful ache spread through me and I found myself staggering forward. Just a step.

I wanted to touch him or have just a hint of intimacy with him. I wanted to tell him that I didn't mean everything I said the other day. I wanted to confess my feelings for him while apologizing for how badly my words must have hurt him. I wanted to do and say so many things but I halted as soon as I realized the step I took forward.

He must have read every emotion on my face, giving that he stalked forward. I instinctively took a step back and he halted in his strides.

A small and utterly sad smile tugged at the corner of his lips.

“Hey,” he said softly and it took everything in me not to embrace him at the sight of that smile.

I'd hurt him. The words settled in me, stinging painfully.

I curled my fingers into a fist and planted my feet on the floor. I reminded myself of the reason while I was doing this. I didn't want to drag him into my mess anymore.

So I cleared my throat and lifted my chin up. I tried not to look away as I held his gaze. I didn't want him to sense any emotion on me.

“I asked Heather to bring my things.” I said as a manner of greeting, my voice so cold that even I did not recognize it.

A flicker of hurt flashed through his eyes but he didn't come any closer. Thank God. He dipped his hand into his pocket instead. I couldn't look at him anymore. I was certain I'd break very soon. I tore my gaze away, looking everywhere but him.

“Heather is occupied.” He simply said and shrugged.

He waved the small bag I hadn't noticed him carrying before settling it on the wooden floor.

I had no doubt that he had something to do with her not showing up. I didn't bother asking for the reason.

I folded my arms to keep my hands from shaking at my sides and lifted my chin up, but still didn't meet his gaze. My fake confidence would definitely come crumbling down if I try it. I couldn't stomach the hurt in his eyes.

“Why are you here? I thought I made my decision clear the other day.”

“You certainly did. But we both made a decision that day.” He said.

A knowing look flashed across his eyes as he cocked his head to the side, a feral grin on his lips. It was such a quick transition from the sad look on his face literally seconds ago.

Despite already knowing what he meant, i swallowed past the lump in my throat, blurting out the words before I could think more of it,

“What do you mean by that?”

He raised a eyebrow and threw me a look that seems to say: ‘you know exactly what I mean’. But I continued feigning ignorance.

“Takes two to tango. I don't remember agreeing to the break up. Letting you walk away that day doesn't count as agreeing.” He shrugged.

I pinched the space between my eyebrow, slowly shaking my head. Either he's really oblivious of how a break up works, or he just didn't care.

“Oliver, a break up doesn't work like that. It's not a business deal that both parties have to agree on.” I cried.

“I don't see a reason why it shouldn't be. If the terms or conditions were affecting one side of the party, then it needs to be discussed again.” he took a step forward.

He was closer now. So close that I could easily touch him by just raising my hand.

“I made you a promise, Dallas. I intend to keep it.”

He'd said he was never going to let me go. He'd made the promise during so many times that I didn't remember when the first time was. I was excited when he first said it, but now, I wish he hadn't.

“You have to let me go. You have to stay away from me.” My voice was barely above a whisper, my lips quivering slightly.

I needed him to stay away, because I don't trust myself to keep this fake act up if he doesn't. I would break soon and end up dragging him into my messy life.

He doesn't deserve it. He deserves someone better than this. Someone who doesn't have a fucked up life like mine.

“I can't.” He breathed, a few seconds passing before he added, “I don't know how to stay away from you, Dallas.”

Hurt and what seem like genuine inner conflict clouded his features. He took another step towards me until there was no space between us. Until we breathe each other's air. Until his scent invaded my every sense and it took a lot of restraint not to lean into his warmth. But he still didn't touch me.

His fingers curled at his side, showing just how much he was restraining from doing so. I craned my neck to stare into his eyes. I almost lost my footing at the emotion coming off him.

I've seen him sad before, or devastated, but I've never seen him like this. The emotion pouring out of him was way deeper than sorrow. There was no word for it.

“I don't know how to stay away from you.” He repeated, his voice more hoarse this time.

“And I don't want to. I don't want to learn how to live without you. I…” he swallowed down, his Adam's apple bobbing up and down.

“I love you.”

His self control seems to have broken free as the words left his mouth. He brought his hand to my face, but seemingly changed his mind. He didn't bring his hand down, he dug his fingers into my hair as if needing to touch any part of me.

My knees buckled beneath me, suddenly too weak to support my weight. I couldn't move or even tear my gaze away from him. I wasn't even sure I was breathing anymore.

God, what I would give to hear him whisper those words to my ear for the rest of my miserable life.

“I love you. And I can't live without you. Not anymore. I don't know why you wanted us to end this and I want you to tell me. I promise I'll fix it. If it was something I did–”

“No,” I said quietly. “It's nothing you did.”

“Then what is it? Tell me, please.”

I almost gave in then. I almost told him everything then. I was so close. So close. But then–

My phone made a loud sound, indicating a text message. I didn't need to check to know who it was. The timing was perfect. A silent reminder to keep the information to myself.

I'm not going to drag him into my fucked up life.

As if reading the expression on my face, he nodded, more to himself than to me. He ran his fingers through my hair one last time, a gentle and almost loving stroke. He placed a quick kiss on my forehead before stepping back.

I winced slightly at the sudden loss of contact. The spot where he kissed me tingled and I refrained from touching it.

“I meant it, Dallas. I really do love you. And I'll always be here to listen whenever you're ready to talk. But I'm never letting you go. Never.”

He stroke my cheeks before turning around and walking back to his car.

I didn't know how long I stood there after he left, just staring at the blank spot and wishing I'd wake up from the nightmare I call a life.

It never happened.