Chapter hundred and fifty five

OLIVER

I tapped on the steering wheel, my mind whirling with different reasons why this was a bad idea. I was half tempted to turn the car around and go back to my little monkey, but I couldn't do that. I'd been putting off this particular confrontation for too long. I needed to get over it soon.

Besides, she probably already saw my car from the window. Turning around would be silly.

I drew a long sigh and got down from tbe car. I slammed the door with a little bit more force than necessary. With a heavy exhale, I turned and strode into the manor I grew up in.

The first thing that caught my attention was the lack of domestic staffs. Usually, there would be a long line of maids waiting to welcome me in. I didn't see anyone until I got to the living room.

“Where's everyone?” I asked Grace, the head maid and the only person I've seen aside the security men.

Grace was the oldest maid in the manor. She was employed after everything Mandy did. She'd witnessed my family's grief at the deepest and still stayed. I wasn't really close to her but my mum was. Aside from Suzy, Grace was the other person my mum was close to.

“Gone.” she said, her eyes darting around, clearly avoiding mine.

“What do you mean ‘gone’?” I asked in confusion.

It'd been a month since Ron's death and three weeks since Jenna recovered consciousness. She'd been discharged ever since but was still in New York.

Dallas had visited her almost every day since her house was just ten minutes away from mine. She was really trying hard to make the sibling thing work between them. And judging by how excited she was each time she takes about it, I was sure things were going great between them.

I was happy for them, though I didn't totally forgive Jenna for what she put Dallas and I through. Dallas seem to have moved past it. She was so amazing and a hundred percent better than me.

I had been avoiding the confrontation with my mother despite the number of texts she'd sent me. I didn't know what to say to her. I didn't know how to explain everything that happened with Ron so I'd chosen the simpler option. Avoidance.

But I couldn't put it off anymore. She deserved to know. And I deserve to be rid of the guilt if I wanted to move on to the next chapter of my life.

“Madam sent all the workers away. She asked me to leave too but I chose to stay. She hasn't been well.” Grace replied. The expression on her face let me know she was putting it down lightly.

I swallowed hard, feeling guilty that I had abandoned her for so long. I remembered what Suzy said about her condition been bad. I'd ignored the warning because I'd been too chicken to face her.

“Where's she?” I asked.

Grace finally stared at me, something similar to sympathy flashed through her eyes.

“In your old room. She hasn't come out for days.”

I nodded and walked away before she could say anything else. I tried not to think about why my mother was in my old room. The thought only made my chest tightened.

I reached the door and twisted the door knob. The scene I met made my jaws dropped. The last time I'd seen my mother like this was two decades ago when my father just died.

She was in sweats, her hair disheveled making her almost unrecognizable. She looked like she was mourning her husband all over again. She was staring at something, her back to me.

“Grace, I said I'm not hung–” the rest of the words died in her mouth as she saw me.

“Oliver,” she breathed, sounding so relieved that the guilt I was feeling intensified.

She rushed towards me, probably intent on hugging me before stopping herself a few feet away. I shoved my hands into my pocket to hide the tiny tremor in them.

“Hi,” I said, my brain coming short of words.

“Hi,” she replied.

A tensed silence settled between us. Neither of us seem to know what to say. I'd come here with a speech prepared in my head but I hadn't expected to see her like this. It felt wrong to just dive into the reason I came without asking her how she was. But I didn't know how to do that either.

“Ethan told me everything that happened.” She said before I could open my mouth.

“Oh,” was all I said. Ethan hadn't told me that, but I figured he couldn't stop himself she kept pestering him.

She nodded.
“He told me to also give you space before I approached you. That's why I haven't come see you.”

Well, that explained why she stuck to calling me instead of showing up at my house, demanding answers.

“He told you everything?” I asked again. There were some parts she shouldn't know. Like Jenna's involvement. I doubted Ethan told her that.

“About Mandy being alive and who really caused your father's death.” She choked out a sob at the last word.

I had no idea what to say so I just waited for her to continue.

“I didn't know. I swear. If I had known who Ron truly was, I wouldn't have insisted on your marriage with his daughter.” She said.

Tears glistened in her eyes but she blinked them away. I could already tell from the color of her eyes that she'd been crying a lot lately.

“I know.” I said sincerely. My mother might be a lot of things, but she wouldn't intentionally push me into harm's way. Well, physical harm at least.

Another beat of silence passed, interrupted only by her occasional hiccups.

“Why did you hate Dallas so much?” I asked.

It probably wasn't the right question to ask at the moment but I didn't know what else to say. I didn't know how to comfort her. And also, I really wanted to know the answer.

“I don't hate her.” She said softly.

“Well, you certainly don't like her.” I tried to keep the bite out of my tone but failed.

Dating Dallas was the first thing I'd done for myself ever since my father died and she hated it.

“You love her.” She said like it was explanatory enough. It was more of a statement than question.

“Yes.” I said with no hesitation. “I love her a lot, Mum. And I really can't stand you hating her. I get that you were upset when I chose her instead of going with your choice but I really want to be with her. She's the best thing that has ever happened to me.”

Mum stared at me for a while before cracking a smile. She tapped a space beside her on the bed. I strode further into the room and sat beside her. Our bodies weren't touching.

“I chose Jenna because she was the easy choice. You were both so similar that there were no chance of you falling in love. I know it's selfish of me but I didn't want you to fall in love.”

I stared at her, my lips parted slightly. If I was speechless before, I was dumbfounded now.

“Why?”

“Because love hurts. It's great at first but in the end, it hurts. I didn't want you to be in position I was in when your father died. I was in a very dark place when Henry passed and the only thing that kept me from giving up totally was you. I wanted to shield you from that pain.

When I see you with that red haired girl, I remember when I was with your father in our prime. But then I think about how it ended and I become scared again. I don't want you to ever experience that pain. It's not something you could come back from.”

Tears were streaming down her face now and she was shaking badly.

“Is that why you blame me for his death?” I asked, my voice husky.

Her lips parted in surprise.
“You think I blame you?”

I didn't give her a reply.
“Oliver, you developed a trauma after the incident. How could I ever blame you for it?”

There are so many things I wanted to say. I wanted to remind her how she called me a monster, how she ignored me, how she stared at me like I took her husband away, how she acted like she hated me. But none of the words came out of my mouth. I simply stared at her, my jaws tightening to the point of pain.

“I blame myself for everything. I blame myself for not seeing Mandy for who she was. I blame myself for not being around the night she took you. I blame myself for not going after your father when he walked into that building. I hated myself for it. I failed you. You were my son, my responsibility, and I left you in care of a stranger who ended up ruining my family.”

Her tears were flowing free now and she didn't bother to hide them. Something wet touched my cheeks and I realized it was tears.

Before I could think much about it, my legs carried me forward and I wrapped my arms around her. She stiffened at first but eventually relaxed.

It was the first time in twenty years I was hugging my mother. And I hadn't realized how much I wanted to do it until now.

“I miss him.” I breathed, more of that water oozing from my eyes.

“Me too.” My mum said as she buried her face in my chest.

We stood like that, bonding in our momentary grief the way we should have done all those years ago. And I've never been more relieved.