Confused State

Adrian's POV
when I saw Zakuski, I knew that he was of no good, but now I can't help but feel insecure that he's coming for me soon enough, my heart was pounding so hard as random thoughts scale through my mind, and I tried to ignore the feeling but I can't help it, I can't help feel like very soon he'll be after her and she'll no longer be safe.
I clenched my fist so tightly, I was still fuming deep within me, I cursed and cursed, I was so scared, I don't know what to do.
I didn't know when I had smashed the wall and I don't care what I'm doing at the moment, but I just want to forget about everything, I felt my body burned with anger from the thought of everything, I was so tired, yet I want her to free from all these pain and sorrow.
I felt like destroying something, to release my anger and show how angry I was, but I then I recalled the words of Garcia, I recalled how shocked expression when she found out that I was the one behind all those attacks.
I groaned so loudly, I was about to grab a bottle of Bear, I want to gulp it down my throat, only to feel soft hands stopping me from going any further.
" don't..." she stopped me.
"Just leave..." I yelled, my dragon was losing control, I can't control it, because I don't want anything to happen to her, I feel like if anything should happen to her, my Life will never be the same again, no matter how hard I try and things won't be the way I wanted them to be.
despite telling her to leave, so adamantly stood behind me and I took perceived her feminine scent. her scent was not helping matters, rather it was burning a fire that I know I won't be able to quench.
" Garcia leave..." I shouted a little louder this time. because I want to think, I want to think like a normal person without my dragon having to control me.
' I want to see blood, I want to kill and destroy lives, I want to make a name for myself, ' my dragon said so loudly, I had to close my ears shut, while trying to calm my nerves, my heart was beating erratically and my body felt like it was already on fire.
"no...." I screamed. because today I won't succumb to the bloodthirst of my dragon, I won't allow it to control me, no matter what.
" Adrian!"
"don't just leave." I attempted to sound calm but my dragon already wants to be let out.
I think this is the highest limit of self-control I mastered so far, without my dragon taking control immediately, I think is all because of Garcia, and I can't let anything happen to her
I immediately sprung my wings, about to fly up on the sky only to feel her soft hands stopping me from leaving.
" you need to calm down Adrian, we can talk things through, but just calm down," she said to me. I didn't know when I subconsciously lowered my wings, slowly coming down to her level.
"Please let's talk things through and tell me what's going on I want you to talk to me Adrian " she try to persuade me, for the meantime, I thought I shouldn't because I know I'm not in the right state of mind.
I smiled when I recalled how I met her on the seashore, how she confidently fell into the water, I was so angered for the fact that I didn't just leave that day, rather I was there to help her and I regretted my actions up till date. Because I know someone better might have helped her, now it's just like I'm putting her into more trouble and I'll regret it.
I clenched my fist so tightly, trying to control the rising anger that was surfacing again, only to feel her soft hands on my cheeks. calming my nerves in a way only she can explain.
"look at me Adrian," her voice was gentle and assuring, but I can't bring myself to look at her in the eyes, I covered the blood of her pack, her beautiful, the person who killed her beloved ones.
" Garcia is not the time for this, I just need some time alone," I said to her, but rather she held my hand firmly, not wanting to let go, no matter what, I know the situation was very awkward, especially when I managed to look into her beautiful green eyes and her radiant skin that managed to make want to have a hold of her, I tried as much as possible the feeling that managed to overpower me, but I can't help it, random thoughts seeped in, making things a little difficult for me.
after several attempts to make things right, I can't help but wonder why I'm still close to her, or I should have let her go, but I didn't.
but then the thought of Zakuski and I know what he's capable of, I didn't know when I had subconsciously clenched my fist so tightly, so without a warning, I hugged her right.
" Garcia, I don't want to lose you" I don't know when I had already started so vulnerable, showing my vulnerabilities, is something I have always tried to hide, I have always been trained to act tough, never to show weakness or fear. but now I'm scared, I'm prettified at the thought of losing her, I don't want anything to ever come in between us, I hate to admit it, but deep within me, it hurts, so hurt fucking bad.
I tried as much as possible to ignore the feeling of pain that managed to overwhelm me, I can't help but wonder why things were happening the way it was, but I know that things would have been better, had they been better in my making my decisions.
" Adrian... you won't lose me, I'm here for you," she told me. but I know what's bothering me and I know how it feels, I tried as much as possible to just forget about the thought and remove everything from my head, but I can't. I took in a deep breath, my heart was beating so fast from the thought of what was coming and the war it might result in.
" you need to leave here Garcia," I said out of the blue which shocked her, she immediately withdrew from the hug, she was looking at me in pure shock.
" I want to know why will you say such a thing, tell me why, I can't leave you here, knowing that you were the one who saved me when I was close to death and you gave me a place to leave," she said with tears in her eyes.
I immediately stood up from the ground, I was nodding my head, and now everything became more comprehensible,, I slammed the window so hard, feeling so agitated, so Garcia has never seen me more than just someone ready to save her life.
" what are you doing, you need to calm down " This time, her voice was loud and it was clear that she was pissed off, I know that things won't be the same between us again, but I know it'll be the right decision.
so before she could say another word, I immediately called the other guards, the guards came trooping, they were ready to patrol.
then she starts Shaking her head, almost like she was surprised at my actions, seeing that look on her face was killing me, but I had to swallow it down my gut because I want her to have a life without problems, my life is just messed up.
I could feel my dragon get angry, he was pissed with my actions, it took all my self-restraint to keep my dragon at bay.
' bring back my mate ' my dragon kept screaming so loudly, I tried as much as possible to ignore all the thoughts that came over me, my heart was so faster when the guards roughly pulled her as they led her out of the kingdom, now I was scared where she'll leave and how she'll survive, I don't want anything to happen to her. but despite all these thoughts, I still managed to let go of her, because I know it the better.
my heart was beating so fast, I tried as much as possible to keep calm, I can't help but wonder why Zakuski came now, could it be he knows something I don't? I let out a frustrated groan. so I called Joshua, my most trusted guard, he hurriedly rushed, was well dressed, and his hair was neatly trimmed.
" you called me my Lord" he courtesied, I nodded my head and told him to come closer then when he did I whispered to him to keep a safe eye on Garcia, to always protect him no matter what, because I have my kingdom to protect and keep it safe.