Chapter 50

With the speed of time I didn't realize that Zar and I had been together for two years. It has always been our dream, graduate together and fulfill our dreams together. Sometimes, we had a lovers quarrel, it's inevitable for the couple to have that. But our love for each other weighs more. Gradually I could see his change from the very beginning until I could feel his full trust as well as his trust in me.
I love him, really. And I don't know where else I'm going or what I'm going to do when I lose him. It's his fifth year in engineering, and it's only been a few months since his bands graduated. I don't know how it goes, but he kept up with his cousins. I'm not just proud of him, I'm very proud.
And actually about their band, he mentioned to me that after they graduate as cousins, they will compete for showbiz. Because that was their promise to Kim, I accepted and it was okay with me. I'll support him in anything that he wants. But I've never meet Kim.
However, I always enjoyed to be love by others. Its always feel me better and happy. Realizing, that there are many people who treasured me.
So in this life full of negative thoughts, I feel contented now, I couldn't wish for more. Life is,
It was being a runner that mattered, not how fast or how far I could run. The joy was in the act of running and in the journey, not in the destination. We have a better chance of seeing where we are when we stop trying to get somewhere else. We can enjoy every moment of movement, as long as where we are is as good as where we'd like to be. That's not to say that you need to be satisfied forever with where you are today. But you need to honor what you've accomplished, rather than thinking of what's left to be done.
"How are you princess?" I looked at Bench, I was here in their place. He was the first to guard Sandra's stall. By the way, we've been friends for years as well. It's just, it's not okay with Zar but he can't do anything.
I take a twek twek and eat. Sandra came in now and then Steven so he was the one watching. I'm vacant now, Zar is busy at school because he's graduating and sometimes he's being warned.
"It's okay ..." Then I went to the sauce, but when I smelled it, my stomach seemed to be turning upside down. The hell?
"Why?" Bench asked. I looked at him and shook, I just turned to the left and dipped. Good thing I didn't smell it, but when I swallowed it, I suddenly realized that I seemed nauseous because I smelled the vinegar again.
"Hey Ysla, are you okay?" I felt Bench following me when I vomited on the side of the trash can but it was a bit far from his stall.
I can't answer him because I can still smell the vinegar. I turned to him as if he had diarrhea or something, he couldn't touch me because he was holding me.
"Hey ... Maybe later they'll think my product is poisonous ..." He said worriedly. I looked at him so he stood up straight.
When I saw what he was holding, the vinegar!
"What! Take that away!" At the same time, I pointed at his hand. He frowned and stared at the handle.
"Is this it?" He really brought it closer to my face! So I vomited again, he let go and he hit my back.
"I'll get some water in a minute ..." When I felt that he had left, I sat down on the floor weakly. God! The difficulty! What did I eat? Actually, this is just not the first time. Every morning! Then I'm always looking for what I want.
I am also sensitive to smell. I don"t really know what"s going on.
"Oh here it is ..." Bench helped me to stand up and sit on the chair. Good thing and nobody, I seemed to run away and was very tired
"Oh this is it, what's going on?" I didn't answer him and just drank the water.
He sat down in front of me.
"I'm okay, maybe I ate something this morning ...."
I saw his face full of concern, Bench was really smart. Whenever I'm vacant, I always hang out here unless we have the same schedule as Zar.
I smiled at him.
"I've noticed that today, Ysla. I don't know if I should say it." He closed his eyes tightly and washed his face.
What is he saying?
"What?"
"Do you want me to call Zarius?" I immediately shook my head.
"No!" I can still be bothered!
"Tsk. You need to consult a doctor, Ysla." I was nervous about what he said, wait I know I'm not in pain!
"What are you talking about, Bench?"
"I can already see those symptoms, Ysla. I think you're pregnant." For a few minutes I stiffened in my seat. What?
Wait, I can't even count how many times Zar and I have done that, but it never entered my mind that I would actually get pregnant! He always use protection! But why so much? H-no, he's a graduate!
I looked weakly at Bench.
"Bench, please don't let others know until we're sure ..."
"There's no secret that can't be revealed, Ysla. And your boyfriend should know that too. He has to hold you accountable." I could hear the anger in his voice.
I just didn't say anything. I don't want to say, he's a graduate! And I don't want to ruin her dreams! But what do I do? I can't abort my child. I don"t think of myself now but him. It's just him, when he's suffering.
"She's a bench graduate ..."
"How are you? You're studying too, aren't you?"
"But ----"
"Ysla, I feel sorry for you, in the two years you've been together, you're the only one who cares about her! You're losing your dream of yourself because of her!" I bit my lower lip, he's right.
"Bench ..."
"Consult you, because it's your actions that say you're pregnant." I couldn't answer when he suddenly stood up.
I do not want. I can't, no matter what he or other people say, I will never let Zarius know. Because I know he will hold me accountable! And when that happens, what about his dreams?
But what about you?
Scream of a part of my brain.
How are we?
I was not aware of my tears. I don't want to ruin everything. What will I do...
Mahal..."
"Ysla ...."
I didn't realize that Zarius was calling me, we were here in his condo. It's been a year since he moved here. Its saturday today, he just came home earlier from the ban, before that he had work earlier. So I can feel her tired. We're currently watching a movie, and we're in his bed. I put a pillow on his arm.
"Hmm?" I didn't look at him and just kept watching, even though nothing had entered my brain. We're watching a comedy movie bakit parang ang dating sakin ang sakit?
He leaned over and faced me. Im sorry, Zar I don't know what to do.
I felt him holding my hand.
"What's the matter, Ysla?" He asked huskily.
I did not look at him.
"Don't get upset, I'm watching."
"No eh, you've been cold to me this past few days. You think, I am that dumb not to notice?"
"Not like that, Zar. We're both busy in school."
I heard her sigh and take a deep breath.
"Is that so? Is it because I'm getting busy? I'm working my way up, right, love?" I simply bit my lower lip.
I know, and I see that. In fact, you're doing the right thing ... I can't tell her.
"Ysla ... If you want I'll quit the band ---" I immediately cut him off and faced him.
"No! That's what you don't do! Its your dream!"
"Its always you, you will always be my dream Ysla." I looked away.
It's enough that it hurts, is it like that when you love too much? Do you feel sick too much today? Is sacrifice always the answer to all love?
Why is it always said, when you love you are ready to gamble everything? Can you surrender everything? Even if you yourself get hurt?
I sat down, and I also felt him sitting. We didn't miss the sounds of the tv.
"I'll always choose you over everything, Ysla. If you let me choose everyone, I'll only choose you ..."
Me, I can't choose you ..
It hurts.
He touched my left cheek and faced her.
"Ysla, this is your dream for me right? You want me to achieve all my dreams. Everything you want I follow and I will follow, because you know what's the best for me. I love you so much, and I don't want these dreams anymore It's always you over everything, if you're not there I'm not in my position now. If you're not, I'm not in my dream either. I'm doing this not for me, for you two. "
I saw the pleading in her voice, I always see it
"I know, please chase your dream because its for you ..." Since I can't be with you anymore, I don't want the reason to ruin everything.
"No, no ... Its for you .. Its all for you." While shaking.
"Let's get married, Ysla. Please ..." I let go of what he said.
"Why?"
"Its too early, Zar ..." I really want to ...
"Okay, I'll just wait love ...." Then he kissed me and kissed my head. I simply raised my head to hold back the tears
Im sorry for being a coward, Zar. I am afraid to gamble my pleasure for your dream.
Baby, this is your dad. He really loves us. He can let go of everything for us. But I can't baby, I know the time will come too.
Im six weeks pregnant, Bench accompanied me to consult an OB, and I know a man is my tyan. I need to get away from him. Im sorry .. Am I too selfish?
ZAR and I had been busy these past few days, or should I say ako lang? He always makes way just to see me. But I'm just a coward and I can't face him. Im scared, only Bench and I know about my pregnancy. Ayarene, Tellie, Hosanna and Fairy are my friends already. But sad to say, Tellie needs to fly to Korea to continue her study there. He did not mention the reason for his sudden departure.
I dont want to tell them about my pregnancy, they're close to Zar. Im scared they might tell it to Zar. Little by little when Zarius achieved his dreams now will I destroy him?
I know Zar, yes I want him to hold me accountable that I know that will happen. But I don't want to ruin everything just because I'm pregnant. I believe that somehow everything happens for a reason.
I've been holding on to my tyan, how many days have I always been in my room full? I'm not going to show Zar anymore. I know my parents are wondering but they don"t ask first.
I looked in the mirror facing my bed, I look pale, at the same time my tears were dripping. God please, help me. I really dont know what to do ...
I wiped my face when I heard a knock.
"Who is that?" I asked and went straight to the door.
When I opened up, manang came up to me immediately.
"Why man?" I tried to smile.
"Are you all right hija? These days I still see you pale and not in good shape." Manang held my hand, but I just put a smile.
"Yes man, I'm just busy with school activities. You know there's no sleep." Manang just nodded.
"Someone's downstairs, looking for you." I frowned. I also couldn"t avoid nervousness.
"Not Zarius son ..." I told manang that if Zar comes, just send him home.
"Who?" Instead of answering, he just led me down. On the stairs I saw a crowd sitting from the living room.
"Is it okay son for me to leave you? I'll just shop for a while." Manang said. The man stood up, in his aura I could see his resemblance to Walterson.
I held manang's hand. "Yes, manang." He smiled and looked at the visitor. He said nothing and just left.
I don't know, I'm really nervous.
"M-good day, who are you?" I asked, he sat down so I sat down too. I could feel the coldness of his expression and his dealings.
"I'm Zarius' uncle, its Kim." For a moment my eyes widened, I bowed to the cold of his bosee. This is Zar's uncle who owns the famous Walt Record company. I could do nothing but play with my fingers.
"W-what are you up to then?" I tried to look straight at him but he just raised his eyebrow and turned four.
"I'm not going to wander around anymore, I don't like you and I don't like you for my nephew." I couldn"t help but be hurt by what he said, it hurt.
I shouldn't hear this, my son can hear you ...
I did not speak.
"I know that my nephew is madly in love with you and I couldn't do anything about that. I can't afford to keep my nephew away from you, I'm here to say that just like you, a Walterson fell. I know that your family is rich too, but its still not enough for me. I don't want my nephew to fail just like you. You're ruining everything, and you will be his downfall, you get it? "
Please, I can't stop my tears from flowing.
"You're avoiding him this past few weeks, do you know the cause of your impersonation? He didn't go to school or in rehearsals. Instead he always goes to you." He laughed sarcastically.
"See? You're ruining everything and I don't want you to get to the point where you break up. Two years is enough that you've been with Zarius, I know you know his dreams, don't you? You don't want to break up?" I slowly shook my head.
I have nothing to say, given the weight of how I feel.
"Leave my nephew alone. After he graduates they will fly to Canada to start all his career there." Immediately my eyes widened
"A-what ?!"
He laughed.
"I'm telling the truth, I wouldn't have said that so I wouldn't hurt you too much. Dear, he never loved you." I stood up to what he said. That's a lie!
"No! You're lying!"
"I am not, but he is." I was panting dammit! Ysla, calm yourself ... Your little one.
"I-that's not true ..."
"Did he already cried for you then? Did he already said that you're his rule? He never said thay right?" I frowned as I cried as I looked at him.
"Oh my G! You don't know? Poor you, two years my Gosh, I didn't tell you?" What? What is he saying ?! I know Zarius! He loves me!
"The family rule hija, once a Walterson cried and tell his rule to that girl means he really love that woman. But poor you, he never did that thing right?"
I do not believe.
Don't believe it, Ysla.
I swallowed when he stood up. While carrying an envelope I just now noticed.
"If you never leave my nephew alone, be patient. I'm going to tell him about your pregnancy." My eyes immediately widened because of his grin.
"You don't want him to know right? You're afraid you'll ruin his dreams. Because you know he's responsible for you. Well to tell you, if you don't want to ruin everything stay away from him. He doesn't deserve a trash like you." After he said that, he threw the envelope to me and left.
I quickly opened it and looked at the flesh.
I bit my lip, pictures.
With me and Bench just came out from OB. Lots of pictures.
I was so weak that I just sat down. Gosh, why does this have to be so painful? Is it really like this when you fall in love? Sacrifice? How about me?
I don't want to be his downfall, he's far away. I don't want to ruin everything. Remember Ysla, face all her dreams with you.
What about your dream?
Scream of a part of my brain.
I slowly reached for my tyan and caressed it, from now on this little one will be my dream.
Baby, sorry for being a coward. Someday you'll understand why im doing this.
Promise son, mom will take care of you. We will try to live without your dad. We will not be lost next to him. He will still be famous right? We will watch papa's concert, buy his mgq merchandise and so on.
I will not give up or release Zar because of what his uncle said.
Im going to let go everything between us because its the best for him.
Because I know that if I do this, his dreams will come true. And that's where I'm happy.
I will always be your number one fan, Zar our baby's plus one of course.
I love you so much, that even my dreams, my happiness I am willing to give up you just achieve your dreams in life.
And this will be my final decision, and will not change. I'll talk to him tomorrow, but I won't tell the truth. I have my plan, I know in my plan I can hurt him but I have no other choice.
Im sorry Zar, you know how much I love you. But I think, I"m not.
I'm not the person for you, I'm sorry if I broke my promise not to leave you. Always remember that I will do everything for you.
This baby of ours, will symbolize how much we love each other. I will take care of him as you take care of me. Im sorry and I love you, Zar.