Chapter 51

Son, open this door ... "I haven't opened my door since I went up to the room and Kim left. I just realized how painful it is, my decision. How come?
Can I afford it?
I hugged my knees and placed my head on it while silently crying. I couldn't take it anymore, so sick. I can't do anything, Do I still deserve it? Zar's uncle is right, I dont deserve him. I'm a coward, I can't face the responsibility.
"Son please ..." Mommy's still knocking on my door.
I still didn't move and let them just knock.
"Ysla baby ... Come out now ..." I raised my head when I heard her bosee. Gosh! It's been a few weeks since my phone turned off.
I felt something strange to me when I heard her voice again, but not Ysla. You have to be strong, don't give up on your feelings.
Trembling I stood up slowly to go to my door.
"Ysla baby, just wait up. Manang's getting the key." I was confused to sit on the bed. I dont want to see me like this!
"No! Don't ever do that, leave me alone! I don't want to see you!" I shouted, my voice are shaking too.
"Laraya son, its Zar. What's the matter?" I heard mommy.
"Mommy please, take her out! I don't want to see her!"
"Ysla ..."
My eyes widened as my door slowly opened and Mommy and Dad as well as Manang were thrown out. I got up and quickly ran to the side of the glass door on the balcony.
"Ysla son ..." Daddy, I can see the concern on their faces. Especially Zar.
"No !!! Don't come near me !!" I screamed in bewilderment when he tried to approach me. That's why dad held Zar and he and mommy approached me. He just frowned when they approached me Dad.
"Son ... what's the problem?" Mommy hugged me so I had no choice but to hug Mom.
You stupid fool, Ysla.
"Sir please, its between me and Ysla. I need to talk to your daughter ..." I heard Zar's tired voice. Earlier I also saw the coldness of dad's expression, I don't want him to blame Zar, its all on me.
"I told you don't break my daughter's heart, didn't I Walterson?" I couldn"t help but be scared of Dad"s bosee.
"Sir, Im sorry for making Ysla cried. Just please let me talk to her so I can understand her reasons." I hugged mommy tightly.
"I don't want to ... Daddy please take him out. I don't want to talk to him." I looked at him for a moment and his eyes seemed to be begging.
"You heard her Walterson, leave her now."
"Sir please ... I-I need to talk to your son ..." I couldn't look at him anymore. Fuck, the pain ...
"Yslavien, please talk to me. What's the matter baby?" He almost whispered nanv said. The pain pain why need more like this?
Please leave ...
I left hugging mommy and holding Dad's arm. He looked at me as if asking.
"Daddy please, take him outside. I-I d-don't want to see h-him ..." Dad's hand gradually rose and wiped away my tears.
"Ysla no ...." I heard Zar.
"Okay, darling but promise me after he get him out. You'll talk to us." I no longer nodded.
"Maru, call three bodyguards and take him out." He pointed at Zar at the same time.
"Y-yes sir ..." older brother Maru still seemed hesitant.
"No! Please, Ysla!" I was even more hurt when I looked at him again and there were tears in his eyes that followed. He's crying. I wanted to be happy because of what his uncle said, I proved that Zar loves me.
I looked away when Dad's staff tried to touch him.
"No! Let me fucking go!" Mommy hugged me again.
"Please ma'am and sir ..."
"Ysla! Let me go! Fuck!" Whatever they hold on to Zar it struggles and is just so hard. He even managed to catch one. I couldn't stop Dad when he approached Zar and punched him because he stopped struggling.
I was stunned for a moment and did not know what to do. I could see the blood on the side of his lip, no.
Just leave Zar, please ...
"Go away son, if you don't want me to call a police. You know I can file a case against you." Dad's tough promise.
"Then I don't care, I really love your son Sir. I-I can't hurt him ...." I cried again and clenched my fist. That's enough please, that's enough ... It's my fault. But I know you can understand that.
"Son, please leave my son alone first." Promise mom, Gosh! What will I do?
I remember again the days, nights we spent together. Each day that passed, he made me feel how much he loved me. Even though he is tired, he always visits me. Even though he is busy with the band and studying together, he always has time for me.
Eh me? Did I give him anything other than my love? Honestly, both of us are mistrustful. The pain is pain.
"Dad, g-give me a few seconds to talk to him ..." They all looked at me. So I averted my eyes.
"Are you sure darling?" I nodded at mom.
In a few moments they went out one by one, until there were only two of us left. I am tired and brave to face him, you need to be strong, Ysla. His white polo shirt was already wrinkled with traces of blood. Messy messy hair and sad looking at me.
"W-don't come near ..." I said when he tried to step on me. He took a deep breath and bowed.
"C-could you tell me, w-what's the matter Ysla?" He looked up, I wanted to avoid looking into his tired eyes. But I have to be strong.
I can ruin everything you have if we are still together ...
"Let's break up." I boldly promise. He was surprised for a moment.
"Why?"
"I've been getting tired of you for two years. Do you think it's okay for me to be busy? I don't want to."
He averted his eyes and wiped his face.
"What? You don't want to? Everything is so easy for you? Didn't I say I can let go of everything, I asked you if I don't have time for you ... I always come to you even when I'm tired, I always make time with you because I don't want to loose you. "
I simply clenched my fist. I know, Zar. I know.
"It's not just that! I'm tired of this fucking relationship! I don't want you anymore! I don't love you anymore!" I wanted to laugh at myself and give an award because I couldn"t stutter.
He just laughed.
"Then I can make you love me again! I will court you even it takes weeks, months or years until you finally answered me and love me!"
Zar, why are you so stubborn ?!
"Why are you so naughty? I don't want to, do I? Go away." I averted my eyes, please don't cry first.
Be quiet for a moment.
"Are we okay? What's the problem? Why is it suddenly like this? The speed, love ..." I couldn't look at him with his tired voices.
"I love you so much, I'm just doing this because I'm making up your dream for me. Now, how can I continue this fucking dream if you're going to leave me? I'm gone now without you ..."
"What's the problem, love? Tell me, I can't think of any other reason to let you go and leave me. I-I didn't say that I'm tired because of studying and when I warn you, you're my rest, aren't you? How can I rest without you? " I can feel in her voice that she is also crying.
God! Very painful.
"You knew, I could give up my all right?" That's what I'm afraid of, that you let go of everything for me.
"Go away! Its useless now! I don't love you anymore!"
"G-just like that?"
"Yes, I'm sorry but I fell out of love. I love someone else now please let me go." He was surprised by what I said, while I was saying that he was also when I crushed him. I haven't loved anyone since I met you. I can see or will see nothing more than you.
"W-who?"
"Bench, on the days when you're always away, he's not with me. He's the one who fills in your gaps ..."
Fuck! He averted his eyes and simply wiped away the tears.
"A-are you h-happy?"
I nodded slowly.
Hindi Zar ...
"Is this what you want?" His voice almost broke.
I nodded again.
H-no ...
"A-don't you really want to? Please say yes then I will do everything to win your heart again ... I love you so much ..."
"No. Please let me be with Bench ..."
I simply raised my head to stop my tears.
"S-okay ... This is the last time, that I will say I love you very much. K-when he hurts you, p-you can approach me and when he leaves you I'm ready to accept you again."
Dont be like this please ...
"C-can I hug you for the last time?" Almost whispered. I didn't answer and he hugged me voluntarily. Along with my tears I could no longer hold back. I could feel her sobbing in my neck.
And his tight grip.
"I-I love you so much, Ysla ... Please don't hurt you. Be happy ..."
I did not speak. It was as if someone caressed my thigh when we hugged.
Baby papa's hugging us, you heard him right? He loves us very much.
I averted my eyes as he slowly let go of the hug and stared at me for a while, then turned around to go to the door and go out.
When the door was closed there I lost my strength and sat down. Sabay hagulgol.
Im sorry Zarius ...
I don't deserve you, save your heart for someone else who can fight for you. Not like I just let you go.
I hugged my knee again, the pain aching. Two, I lost Soobin first.
She died from an accident months ago, she was run over when I took her out to wander around the park. I let go of the leash. It hurts so much for an employer to see his pet dying in the middle of the road.
I lost two gems in my life.
Who can I lean on?
I glanced at a paper bag on the side of the door. I slowly stood up to look at it.
I knelt down to look at the flesh.
I cried even more when I saw a small box, inside of it. And includes a letter.
Its an engagement ring.
Trembling I opened the letter.
Dear Love,
Andrama pakshet hahaha, read this when I'm gone ah so it won't be embarrassing when I'm gone. Arkuss said it's better to write in Tagalog so that you can feel the letter. I love you baby. And did you know? After we graduated I said goodbye to Kim that I will not be going to Canada anymore. I just want to be an engineer so that at least I can be with you. By the time you read this I know you accepted my wedding offer, baby I customized your ring. I know it's something on your finger. I always dreamed of our wedding, I always wished to be your husband.
I covered my mouth for a moment. He intends to ask me?
After you read this letter, someone will fetch you tomorrow. For a surprise hahaha. I'm contributing early because, its my birthday today you didn't show up. But I know you have a surprise. You always surprise me every birthday. Baby, it's okay with me even if you don't have surprises or gifts, you're just enough. I want to spend my time with you, you are the only one I want to be with for life. Baby, you are my only dream. No other. I am excited to be the daddg of our children. I have something to save baby, you are the only one missing. So please stay with me? I love you ...
Mahal,
Your baby Zarius.
After I read the letter I hugged it while crying.
Gosh! Its his birthday! What a surprise ....
You stupid fool, Ysla!
Why are you like this? The pain is pain. That's right please ...

I closed my eyes and just felt the wind as I remembered everything that Zarius and I had been together before, along with the strong wind that made me leave him with me. He is famous, I made the right decision. I thought, if I stayed would he be like that now?
I smiled bitterly as I looked at the billboard of their cousin at edsa. I took a deep breath as the traffic started moving and left.
Its been five years, Ysla.
I picked up my phone from the dashboard when it suddenly rang. It was Dashiel,
"Hello? Mama ..." suddenly something jumped on my chest when I heard my little angel on the other line.
Gosh! Two weeks, I've been on a business trip in California. So I miss my son so much! Fortunately, Dashiel took care of him.
"Hello Baby..."
"Mama, are you going home yet? I missed you ..." I chuckled, my son's cute voice.
"Yes baby, I missed you too ... Did dada fight you again?" I couldn't help but grin, the other way around because he was always fighting with Dashiel.
"Yes mama! He didn't want you to eat chocolates because he didn't want me to get bungi." I was shaken,
"Where's Dada?"
"He went out for a while, mama. And I just woke up, but before he went outside he made sure I ate." I couldn't help but laugh when he also inherited the friendship between Zarius and me.
"Okay baby, mama is coming. Do you want someting?"
"No mama, I only want you so can you make it faster so I can hug you." I can imagine her pouting her cute lips!
"Awww my baby is sweet, yes baby mama is coming soon."
"But I want donuts mommy!" My son is really good at flattering, I just sit down.
"I love you, mama! Take care please!"
"I love you too, Zari. Don't scold Dada okay?"
After that I hung up the phone, and drove home to Ilocos Norte. Yeah, that"s where I went when I started leaving Zar. And no one knows except my parents that I"m only in Alta Vista. Even they Ayarene I did not inform, even Bench. I left nothing to say goodbye to them.
But I think everything is fine, in that situation I won't be in trouble.
At the same time as I leave my memories, I also leave things that I remember with him. This is all I left and took with me, the engagement ring and necklace I'm wearing now. This is the last thing that I had with Zar, and of course Zari.
Everywhere I go, the name Moonstone is the one I always hear. They are already famous, I wonder if he will continue his engineering too?
Hays rightly thought of her, Ysla!
A few hours later I arrived in Ilocos, I also went through a lot in this area. I have met many people who have really become a part of my life, such as Lani and Dashiel who have been my helpers in raising Zari.
Im thankful that I have them, even in times when I need someone to lean on they are always there for me.
"Mom!" I smiled when I saw Zari coming out of the gate while Dashiel was in the back and had hairpins. Furrowed eyebrows looking at us.
"Slow down baby, you might fall." I was still outside the gate, he hurriedly opened the gate and quickly hugged me.
"Mama I missed you ... Dada's been rude ..." he whispered to the latter. I laughed and picked him up. While in my other hand is the box of donuts. Sweets is Zari's favorite, it's a good thing she hasn't broken her teeth yet.
Dashiel has prevented him from eating sweets several times, but in the end he still loses to Zari.
Dashiel greeted us as soon as we entered the gate, I laughed at the way he looked forced. There is still lipstick on the lip. He took the box of donuts from me.
"What happened?" I hold back my laughter.
"Tsk." He just said and went inside first.
"Where's Aunt Lani, baby?" While caressing Zari's hair.
"She went to school with mom." I just nodded and went inside, Zari was also a bit heavy for someone like me with a slender body. But it's okay, I lose my tiredness when I hug him.
Upon entering we both sat on the couch.
"You're so heavy baby, mama's bones are about to break ..." he frowned and faced me. I laughed when I saw his pout again. I also can't help but remember her Zar, she really looks like her dad. A photocopy of Zarius in a girl version, so anyone we know who sees my son will really think he is Zarius.
"Mama!"
I raised my hand and caressed his fat cheek, he also inherited my dimples but only to the right, as well as the mole on the lower edge of the lip. Her eyes, green-eyed. I just laugh when I remember why Zari's eyes are green, its because of Stacy.
By the way, apart from my parents, he also knows. He saw me before, because he was already big. The Juarez people have a hacienda here, I was nervous then because I thought they would go often.
But Stacy said then that only two of her cousins ​​were coming, because her cousins ​​didn't want to inherit the hacienda because of the impacts so no one visited there. Stacy and I became friends because she used to visit the hacienda once a month, though at first I couldn't keep up with her ugliness but I found out from the outside of her appearance that she has a good heart.
She had been there too, for me. And I begged him not to tell me my condition. That even some Fairy will not mention.
"Mama why are you suddenly quiet?" I close my eyes and straighten up.
I shook my head and just kissed him on the forehead, I looked at Dashiel who had just entered and was carrying my luggage.
She removed the lipstick on her face as well as the hairpins on her hair.
"Thank you ..." he ignored me and just went up with my suitcase.
"See mama? He's so rude." I nodded to my son.
"Wait mama, I'm gonna show you something!" I frowned and just watched my son pull something under the center table.
"Here! Tita Lani's teach me how to write my name, look mama!" He gave me his sketchpad.
Zaraya Arielle Villareal.
Though it's too much to understand but as a mommy I'm proud for my four year old son.
"Wow! You're ready for school!"
"Mama I want to go to school, I'm so jealous of Scyla."
"Of course baby, this summer. Mama will enroll yoh, is that okay?" He nodded next and hugged me tightly. I laugh because I feel the pleasure of my son.
"Wait again, mom!" She separated again and walked and took something from the center table, its her ipod.
"Mama! When I was busy watching youtube po, then suddenly pop up this look!" At the same time, he looked at me with his iPod. That's how big my eyes are at who he's referring to!
Its Zar! Compilation of his tiktok videos and concerts!
"Isn't he cute, mom?" Zari asked ignorantly. Gosh! Destined that the nav will actually approach their father, I turned a blind eye because of the intensity of the nervousness I feel.
"And look," he used it and then zinoom. From Zar's face he drank Zar's lower lip which was the same as his mole.
"We have the same mole! And is it weird that I saw myself from him mama?" I couldn"t answer my son, I suddenly bit my lip. Gosh!
I looked up the stairs when I saw Dashiel already downstairs, scratching an eyebrow. I looked at him as if asking for help.
But the idiot just looked at me!
I just stared and looked at Zari again, busy watching her father's knock.
"It's not good for you to watch like that ..." I just said.
"But mama, he's so cute! He's handsome than Dada!" I laughed even more and heard Dashiel cough.
"Yes, but it doesn't mean you're allowed to watch that okay?" He frowned.
"Zaraya ..."
"Yes mama ..." he frowned as he just changed what he was watching. I stood up to get the donuts in the kitchen to give to her.
"Here's the donut baby!" He immediately dropped the iPod and opened the box on the center table.
"Ehem ehem." I heard Dashiel cough when Zari got up.
Zari pouted her lips and looked at me.
I looked at Dashiel with a raised eyebrow.
"Mama ..." Zari was already touching the hem of my dress.
I don"t know who I"m going to listen to in two.
"Eat baby, I'll take care of Dada."
"Yey! I love you mama!" He even managed to belatan Dashiel first which I laughed at before eating the donuts and watching on youtube.
I just let go of Zari, and went in the habit of Dashiel leaning against the door.
"I'm going to get dressed, you're really pissed." At the same time, I flipped his ear, which I always do.
"Come on!" He shouted, because that's what he didn't want the most. Just one you hold there immediately blushes.
"Come on!" I mocked.
"Tskk, that's why your son has such a lineage."
"Now you just know?" I smiled widely. He sighed and shook his head
"I'll just get dressed, then sleep a little you know jetlag." Then I kissed his cheek. His forehead is still furrowed.
"Don't be rude, you're getting worse." I laughed at the same time, Dashiel is not ugly. In fact, he's handsome, he's the most handsome guy in the world, so this one seems to have been conceived out of resentment. Even though he is rude to Zari, I can see how much he loves my son.
"Get dressed so you can do more nonsense." He just said and turn his back on me. I blinked and walked uphill.
When I got to my room, I looked for my pouch for a while, picked up the phone to see if there was a text from mommy.
And I was right.
Mommy:
Son, have you been home yet? Your dad and I just came home from you yesterday. Next week we will go again. I love you.
I smiled and typed a message to Mommy. Then get some clothes so you can change and rest.
Tiring.
When I was in the bathroom, and I had undressed everything. I looked in the mirror to stare at my necklace. I couldn't help but cry over the worries that were bothering me again. Being a coward then, something good happened. He achieved everything he has now because of my sacrifice.
I am not the person for him, he deserves someone better who can fight for him. The person who is not a coward and can stand his love. The one whose love is heavier than hers.
And even if it's never me, I don't have the things I deserve. I just run away from all the problems, and leave the people who value me unannounced.
All this time, I used to be afraid to make friends with anyone because I was afraid of being betrayed but all this time it was me. I'm afraid of myself, but I made the right decision. If only I hadn't gone out that night. Hays wrong, a good memory you met him Ysla!
At the same time, I'm also afraid of falling in love with her again. How about me? I still love him and I still can't love because there is nothing more than the love he gave me before. Nothing.
I'm the one I literally wasted,
I took a deep breath and wiped away the tears. Suddenly I saw the scar on my wrist, I tried to kill myself before. And I put Zari's life in danger then, but because God had a plan for me, he didn't leave me alone. I thought I would lose him forever, since then I have changed my life. I will smell not for myself but for Zari.
"Dada, not there!"
"Tsk, that's okay. Just draw."
"But ---"
"Noise, your mom will wake up ..." I frowned when I heard something whispering and something cold on my face.
So I opened one eye, I immediately saw Zar on the side of my head and on the other was Dashiel. They are holding pentelpen!
"Oh my God!" Zari was confused and left the bed to go to the edge of the curtain.
Dashiel just left and stood beside Zari. They both have something to hide behind. I got up and sat down then glared at Dashiel. But it just shrugged until they stopped laughing!
These two did something silly again!
I stood up and took off the blanket, went straight to the mirror. I knew it! They draw dots and connect! Do you want to connect the dots to my face?
I was able to face the two of them.
"Zari ..."
"Mom, Dad told me ..."
"Jusko liar .../" Dashiel was slapped on the forehead.
"Who is the initiator of this?" I frowned when they started teaching again.
"Mama I didn't!"
"Wow, I'm quiet downstairs when you call me. You watched something on youtube when you said let's do it with your mom." I looked at Zari
"Zari, didn't mama tell you not to watch such things? Its not suitable for kids. Do you want me to confiscate your ipod?"
"I don't want to, mama! I promise, I won't do it again ..." he pointed out my weakness again.
I shook my head and smiled at him. But he avoided and took my phone from the bed side table. He also knew my passcode so he opened it.
"But lets take a groufie please!" Both of us laughed at Dashiel. Eventually I lost to my son again. I was even beaten by using social media! He has instagram and facebook! Well thanks to Stacy, she made my son look like her.
Whenever Zari does something, he always posts it to his ig.
He also always imitates Stacy's posts on ig, he says it's his idol. Hays
Then I just washed my face. They both went down, I woke up in the afternoon, they mentioned that Lani was there.
When it was over, my phone vibrated, a text from Stacy.
Stacelene:
I'll go there tomorrow, I'll visit Zari but dont tell her. Im gonna surprise her.