Chapter 60

I don't know if I really fell asleep, after that I suddenly left and left him with his friends. Please that's right, it's too late for the two of us. Yes, I still have feelings for him, that is my conscience and my concern for Zarius.
But now that I'm getting married to Dash, it's not right that I'm still going to him. I love Dash and I don"t want to hurt him anymore. No matter what truth I hear from Zar it will never change my decision that I still love Dash. Dash just left, but that doesn't mean I have to love Zarius again.
I woke up at noon, Zari was no longer beside me. I sluggishly got out of bed and picked up the cellphone.
I saw there were missed calls on my messenger and texts from Dash.
Dash:
Mrs. good morning ...
Dash:
Did you eat already? I am currently eating. Have a nice day, I miss you!
Dash:
Wow, what a beautiful sleeping beauty!
I covered my mouth when I saw a picture of me sleeping! Shocks! It's a good thing I'm not gaping! I didn't read his other messages and immediately typed the message.
Me:
Hey, good morning mister! Sorry I just woke up, have a good day too! Be careful there I love you so much!
After I sent it, I hung up my phone, he was still active one hour ago. Maybe he's already doing something, maybe I won't tell him what happened last night. I also don't want to remember him there.
I adjusted myself first before thinking of going down. It's noon so I'm sure they're there Zari.
When I went downstairs I immediately saw Zarius and Zari playing on the floor. Unlike Dash who is forced and frowns when my son Zarius is playing, he is happy to hold the barbies that Zari is playing with. Only now did I see the joy on her lips again.
"Ken let's go !!!" I laughed at what Zari said.
"Here I come barbieee !!" I restrained myself from laughing at Zarius as well.
"Did you have lunch sister?" I was surprised when Lani was by my side in uniform.
"A-ah just woke up. Are you leaving?"
He nodded and looked in Zarius's direction.
"You know, sister, I rarely see older brother Zarius smiling ah? That's when he's only with Zari." Ani is Lani,
"K-have you eaten yet?"
"Yes sister, I'll be the first!" I just nodded.
"Brother I'm leaving! Baby baby Zari!" Lani said as she passed Zar. That's why they saw me both.
"Be careful, aunt!" Zari stood up and kissed Lani on the cheek.
"Mama, you're awake!" I nodded when Zari went my way. I averted my eyes as Zarius stood up and stared at my mother and me.
"Mama, papa's early again! He's the one who wakes me up! And he cooks for us!" There is no denying that my son is very happy.
"Mom, eat now!" I turned to Zarius who avoided looking at me.
"Have you and your dad eaten yet?" I will ask.
"Yes mama! You can eat soon, papa and I will play more!" I couldn't help but frown when my son pushed me into the kitchen. I no longer turned to Zarius.
When I entered the kitchen I came across something on the dining table. I opened the lid and saw fried rice, tocino, eggs and hotdogs. During these times I just found myself smiling and eating.
I was eating when my phone rang. Dash was calling the messenger so I answered it immediately.
"Dash!" I was happy to harvest while the camera was facing me. By the time I saw him I couldn't help but marvel at the beauty of amsterdam!
"Happy eh?" Her foreheads were furrowed.
"Oh my where are you ?!" He still has a bonnet so Dash is even more handsome in my eyes.
"Begijnhof, miss." It's like a museum!
I stopped eating and looked at him even more, especially on his back cam and I could see forever. There are also many tourists.
"They say Begijnhof is one o nicest place here in Amsterdam, and they say if you are looking for some calm and serenity, this is one of the best places to visit in Amsterdam. Next time that I'll go here again, sana nandito you already are. "
I smiled, he was on the front cam so I could see his face. But who is with him?
"Who's with you by the way? Where's Alon?" I will ask.
"Dunno, we're separate in rooms." I nodded.
"You know misis, Begijnhof is one of the oldest hofjes and is primarily a group of historic buildings?" I frowned at his question. I know nothing of Amsterdam or the Netherlands. I only go to ONE.
"Me and Lani were raised here in Amsterdam, that's why I already know this place. In Amsterdam West Church they married Mama then." I could see the sadness in Dash's eyes. I could feel in his voice the feeling of missing their parents.
"Dad told us its history then, that it was originally a Béguinage and in present times is the site of two churches, the Catholic Houten Huys and the English Reformed Church." Wow! Did Dash even know such things?
"I want us to get married here, Ysla ..." he said out of the blue.
"I want to bring you here and Zari, Mama told me that if I'm going to marry someone in the future. I'll brinh her here and get wed in Amsterdam West Church where they were married before." He looked at me, even on the phone I could see him looking straight into my eyes.
"Do you want that, Vien?"
"Yes Dash, where you want. I love you ..."
"I love you too, Vien. Cant wait to finally claim you as my wife." I smiled.
After that I finished what I was eating and washed the utensils. And I came out of the kitchen but I stopped when I heard the father and son talking.
"Is it okay if papa leaves you, Zari?" According to Zarius' question I got. Is he really leaving? How is Zari?
Gosh, what do I do both will affect Zari this decision.
"Papa where are you going? Are you coming back?" Zari's voice was sad.
"Of course, papa will be back."
"Why are you leaving then? Can I just come with you?"
"No baby, mama would be sad if I bring you with me. Do you want your mama sad?" I saw Zari shake.
"A-don't ... but I don't want you to go, papa."
"But papa have to leave, baby ... papa will come back promise, I know you don't understand yet. Papa needs to find himself first, papa needs to accept the reality okay? Papa will come back, son ... "I felt a pain in my heart.
He will really confirm his departure, where will he go?
"Papa, I don't want to. Please, don't leave me. I don't want you to go, I don't want you to leave us papa ..." Zari cried and hugged her papa. Zarius smiled and hugged Zari.
I found myself crying as they stared at dad. I don't know, I made up my mind that I love Dash but why is he bothering us? Why am I having such a hard time? Why should someone be hurt by the decision I make?
Can't I just? Because if I can't do one of them, I don't want to get hurt.
But whatever I choose, I know someone will get hurt. If I hadn't left then everything would have been fine? But I don"t recognize Dash.
"Papa I love you," I turned around and I couldn't even see that they were both hurting.
Why am I even hurting?
Why the pain too?
C'mon, Ysla! Just accept your fate! You are destined to be with Dash forever! And it's only right that Zarius leaves that will be good for you two! You know Dash can still find.
I went back to the kitchen, my phone rang just in time.
It was Stacy.
I wiped away my tears before I answered them.
"Hello?"
"Oh gosh! Please come here quickly!"
I frowned at what Stacy said, I also heard a noise from the other side.
"The girls are here! Oh my gosh! They are rocking my ears! They are so noisy Island!"
"You mean Fairy?"
"Its not just Fairy! Sasza, Fern, Ayarene and Autumn!" Even though I was nervous, I was still able to be happy because I hadn't seen them in years!
"Hey Stacyngit, Laraya is my phone!"
"The fuck Fairy that's my phone!"
"Hey Ysla, maybe we deserve an explanation right?" I bit my lower lip and couldn't answer.
"C'mon speak up!"
"Fairy what are you scaring Laraya." I heard Erich's voice on the other line.
"Just kidding! Girl show up! Dont worry we aren't mad!"
"O-okay ... pupun ----"
"Or we'll just go there! Stacungit! Show us the direction!" I couldn"t help but laugh at Fairy.
"All right ... just you, I'll just wait for you here." Then he dropped the call.
Finally I could talk to them too, I went out of the kitchen again. I found Zari already sleeping in Zarius's arms.
"A-ah ..."
"She's asleep," I nodded.
"A-ah I'll show her room." He nodded, I walked to the stairs as I felt him following me. When we got to Zari's room, I opened the door, he slowly laid Zari on the bed, he even arranged Zari's blanket.
Then he turned to me.
"I have to go ..." he was about to come out when I spoke.
"W-where are you staying?"
"At home." I'm tired.
"I know, where is that?"
"Manila." I sighed. He is lying.
"No, you're not coming home with you. You quit the band? Why?" He still doesn't look at me.
"What's the purpose of staying? After I knew everything you expect me to stay?"
"Its already past!" I whispered loudly.
"Yes, its already past! But that past memories ruined everything, ruined my life." Her voice trailed off.
"Zarius why are you doing this? Why are you always torturing yourself?" He didn't answer and suddenly came out, so I also went out and followed him.
When we got down I spoke again.
"Please isn't that your dream? B-why ----"
"Tangina, Ysla you always think that's my dream! Because the truth is you don't really know ... I remember everything that happened last night, because whatever I do to her and she's the one you choose." I averted my eyes.
"B-why does everyone I love leave me? Don't I deserve to be loved? P-after I leave l-they always love others, how about me?" Omygosh! He's crying!
"Zarius ..."
"I-I don't know what to do, Ysla. I-so please don't stop me from leaving, I'll be back. For Zari, I just need to find myself, I just want to breath. I just want to be free from this fucking pain that has been killing me. II just want to forget everything ... "
"W-how's Sherina?"
"She left me too, I know she will leave me too. That's my curse, I don't deserve to be loved." My tears are dripping, Ysla! What did you do ?!
"B-why?"
"I still love you, Ysla. Me and Sherina have never been together. We haven't been, yes she likes me but first I said that everything is with her."
"P-but everyone knows ----"
"I don't care what people think about us, they don't contribute to my life. I never used her to forget you, I never love her the way I do to you. You're my rule, but I guess I broke it already . You're inlove with someone now, I just need to accept everything ... "
Why is he just saying this now? Why now?
I do not know what to say. I don"t want to change my mind, I love Dash.
"Zarius, I'm sorry ...."
"Its okay, Ysla. M-I'm glad you're happy, even I broke our rule and at least you're happy right?" He approached me,
I could not move my legs to back away. One of my hands was raised to wipe away my tears.
"Jusy be happy, that's my wish please grant it. I have no desire but your pleasure, Ysla. Take care our daughter when I leave ah? I promise I'll be back." I closed my eyes to his caresses, I could not cope with the strength of my heartbeat in his caresses.
"Zarius ..."
"Just give me a month, to be with you and Zari. I-I just feel that even there you still love me, Ysla." I looked up, I could see the sadness in his eyes. If only I could do something so that no one would get hurt.
"Maybe in our next life, God will give us our chane. I will make sure that you will end up with me when our next life happen, Ysla. If our paths crossed again, would you choose me over everything?"
"Can I have one, Ysla?" I nodded slowly at him. I saw her smile. At the same time he released me and turned his back on me.
When he left I was weak there, why when it's okay that everything will be like this?
I wish I hadn't found out the truth. I hope I didn't force them to tell me the truth so that I wouldn't be like this.

"Oh my Gosh! Is that you, Laraya?" Fairy said. They are already here at home, they just can't reach Zar.
"Gosh you look more beautiful!" I got blush because of what Ayarene said. I looked at Stacy with a grim face again.
"Thank you ..."
"How have you been, Laraya?" Introduction by Hosanna. They were all staring at me.
"I should hate Stacy right now for keeping you, but I guess you have reasons." Erich said.
"Yeah, why did you runaway Laraya?"
"Guys calm down, blue eyes will explain!" I laughed at Tellie. I wonder how was it going her feelings for Vino. Did they end up together?
But based on her face, I must say that she's totally happy right now.
"Go on, Laraya. We're just here to listen." I heaved a sigh before speaking.
"I'm sorry, It's all my fault. I've been a coward, I ran into the problem that I thought I could solve but I was wrong because everything got worse."
They all seemed confused -faced.
"What do u mean?"
"I was pregnant when I left everything in Manila. I-I was scared, because I loved Zarius so much back then that when he found out he was ready to give up all his dreams. And I don't want that to happen."
"I left without telling anyone where I am. Without knowing the truth behind, it was all my fault. Im sorry ..." Hosanna approached me and held my hand.
"Its okay, Laraya. You just make us worried, you were just stuck between two choices. As long as you're fine now." I wish I could say that I'm not okay yet, I'm feeling something is missing.
"Thank you girls, I used to be afraid to have a friend because I thought I would be abandoned again. But when I met you guys, you changed my beliefs. Thank you!"
"Awww. Its our pleausure to meet you, Laraya." Erich said.
"Group hug! Gosh I missed it!" They came up to me to hug me.
"Stacungit, dont be kj nga!"
"Tsk, no!" Then Stacy stared. Fairy just kissed her and hugged me. Gosh! I missed them, when they split apart Ayarene asked.
"Where's your daughter, anyway?"
"She's already sleeping, do you wang to see her?"
"Ah no no! Maybe when she's awake, we might disturb her sleep." I nodded. Then I asked.
"How are you?"
"Well it's still breathing," I couldn't help but laugh at what Fairy said.
"I'm still single, duh!" This is Erich.
"So you mean, except you these all girls already have a boyfriend?" I will ask.
"Duh, you've only been gone for five years. Ayarene and Hosanna are already married!" My eyes widened at what Fairy said.
"Really?"
"Yes, Laraya." They raised both hands wearing rings. I couldn"t help but be amazed.
"With whom?" I will ask.
"Well, you will meet him!" I just nodded at what Aya said.
I looked at Tellie.
"How about you, Tellie. Its Vino right?" He frowned at what I said.
"Kainis ka! Sad to say we're not meant for each other." What? So Vino really reject her?
"Huh?"
"It's been a long time, I've stopped and I've moved on. I have my boyfriend now." I would have asked more questions when Fairy spoke.
"Oh my gosh Laraya! You're engaged ?!" At once they looked at my hand with the ring.
"Is it true? Wow I can't believe that even if destiny takes you away, you're still the one who's brought you closer until the end." This is Hosanna. Who are they referring to?
"Maybe Zarius didn't last long because they already have a child." Erich agrees.
I frowned at what Erich said. Did they think Zarius?
"Ah wait ... I-its not Zarius ..." I bowed because I didn't know how they would react.
"What? A-ah s-sorry ... '
"Its okay. Sorry." I bit my lip.
"Ahm, sorry Laraya we thought ..." I immediately answered Fairy
"What are you, it's okay!"
But the regret on their faces could not escape me. We talked for a long time because we haven't seen you in a long time. Until they met Zari. I'm glad they're able to kiss my son. And my daughter is happy because she has aunts besides Stacy.
"Mama, they are all beautiful!" We laughed at what my son said.
"Precisely baby!" Fairy agreed.
"Grabe no? She really looke like Zar. No wonder she's Walterson." Tellie said.
"She's a Walterson in her bc?" Aya asked.
"Yeah." I replied, first of all I really plan to put on the birth certificate that he is a Walterson. I denied him to Zar before as well as his last name?
"That's good." I just nodded to Ayarene. Then it went on and on until we finished our story and they went home. It seems that they will spend the night on the trip.
"Dada!" Zari said when we had a video call with Dash. We're currently on the bed and ready to sleep. But we decided to call Dash first.
"Hey baby ..." Dash, I saw his hair was still wet. I couldn't help but blush when I saw him shirtless.
Gosh, Ysla you're being a pervert!
"How was your day both, hmm?" He walked over and sat down. The head board of the bed was behind him.
"I had met mama's friend! They are all pretty like mama, Dada!"
"I doubted their beauty, your mama's still the prettiest for me." I couldn"t help but blush at what Dash said. It's really a tax!
"I agree ..." Zari laughed, I frowned.
"You don't believe me, miss?" I stared, really good at flattering a to!
"Stop there Dash ah!" He laughed and started to stand up again. I didn't speak anymore because Zari was the only one talking to her. Until I hear a voice.
"Dion, may I use your bathroom? My shower's broke and I dont know why." My forehead furrowed when I heard this Alon.
"Son toothbrush you first." I said to Zari.
"But why mom?"
"I want to talk to dada."
"Okay." He kissed me on the cheek first. The cam is no longer facing Dash. It's already on the floor so I can only see the ceiling.
Wow didn't even say goodbye.
"I'll just fix it." I heard Dion.
I sat up and held the phone even more, I trust Dion but Alon? I dont think so.
"No, I want to use yours." My forehead furrowed even more at what Alon said. Is a to addictive?
"Stop being stubborn, I'll fix yours now go back to your room." Dash's voice trailed off. I just rolled my eyes and I turned off the call myself. Tsk, he forgot that he was still talking to someone.
When I released the phone, I received a chat with him.
Dash:
Sorry for that, I'll just fix her shower. Go to sleep now. I love you.
I typed my reply.
Me:
Its okay. I love you too.
Then I followed Zari to brush my teeth.
"Zari, it's okay with you if you have two dads, right?" I asked Zari after we brushed our teeth. Now that we are both now lying down, next week will be her birthday.
"Opo mama, dont worry about me po. As long as you're happy, Zari's happy too." I couldn"t help but tauch at what my son said, for my pleasure. I am what my child thinks, I will be happy.
Is that right? I'm happy but how is my son? He has a troubled family.
"Zari are you happy?" I touched his cheek.
"Yes mama, im happy po. Isn't it amazing I have two papa right?" I took a deep breath and hugged him tightly.
He accepted because he was just a child, what if he grew up? Will he be able to criticize me like that? Even if we explain the situation to him every day, I know that the time will come when he will ask questions.
Why do I always make the situation worse? Why do I make everyone suffer more? Gosh, I want to think about my son"s welfare.
But I don"t know what else is right from wrong, and wrong from right. It seems like everything I do will hurt someone. Is it always like that? Every decision that I will make there's always a consequences?
The next day I woke up early. Because I didn't sleep much mentally. As I descended I found the kitchen light on. I was nervous so I quickly went down.
I was about to be attacked when I saw Zarius cooking. Wait how did he get in? I looked at the time on the wall clock. At six in the morning, maybe Lani opened it. Lani has a job at the hacienda every morning.
"Zarius ..." he immediately turned to me.
"I'm sorry I messed up the kitchen again." He put his hand against hers. Its saturday today so Zari is not in.
"Ah it's okay." I'm going straight in to mix the milo. I even avoided because our elbows collided. The powder is close to him.
As I was mixing I could feel his gaze on me. Gosh, why is my heart beating again? Then I'm still nervous!
"Uhm, are you hungry already? It's going to be cooked." He promised while mixing the cooking. I think fried rice.
"Did you eat already?" I turned to him and I found that he was looking at me.
"Let's just be together." I just nodded and I averted my eyes. I haven't mentioned what happened to Dash yet. Bahala na.
As we ate silence prevailed between the two of us. That"s why I can"t help but ask.
"Where are you staying now?" He looked up at me.
"Claveria Hotel, I'm with Paris." Wow, that's an expensive hotel here in Alta Vista!
"Haven't they gotten along with Stacy yet?" He just shrugged his shoulders and proceeded to eat. I would also like to ask about his work in the industry, I don't know because I don't open my social media account very much.
What's bothering him?
"W-what are you doing now after you quit your band and showbiz?"
"I'm arranging my paperwork for London." I don't know but I felt pain in my heart when I found out that he was really going to continue.
"Are you really going to continue? W-what about Zari? The child will find you." He looked at me.
"Do you want me to bring her with me then?" I immediately shook.
"But why do you even have to leave?"
"If it's easy for me to do this, it's not for me. You think it's okay for me to see you as a complete family? I'd like to stay but it's like I'm being killed then Ysla." I bit my lip.
"Just please stop talking about that." My heart was broken again when I saw him stand up and put the dishes in the sink and come out of the kitchen.
Ysla, you're the one who's making it harder.
I forced myself to just eat. I really hope everything will be okay with my decision.
When I finished I didn't see him in the living room so I went up again to peek at Zari, there I saw him sitting on the side of Zari's bed while stroking his hair. I hid on the side when I saw Zari stare.
"P-papa ..." Zarius sat up and held Zari's hand. Zarius helped my son sit up and fix his hair.
"Good morning my little princess ..." Zari hugged her.
"Papa you're here ..." my son's voice was still drowsy as if you thought he was just dreaming.
"How was your sleep, did Papa disturb you?" My son shook and tightened the hug even more.
"No, dad don't leave me." I saw Zarius take a deep breath and look up.
"Okay, papa isn't leaving. What do you want for your birthday?"
"Mama and you po, Zaru just want to be with you both po." I felt my tears dripping.
"Okay then, baby." Zarius nodded and kissed Zari's head.