Chapter 63

I didn't sleep all night, I tried to follow Dash last night but I couldn't reach him. I just heard the sound of his wrangler. I also don't know what other face I will face with him. I even met Zarius on his way home last night. He didn't even glanced at me.
I know it was all my fault, everything is in chaos now. I should accept it, I should be blamed. It is no one's fault, its mine! I ruined everything. I just cried all night as I hugged my son.
Im sorry Zari, for having a heartless and worthless mom like me. I do not know what to do. Because I shouldn't have kissed Zarius back if I still didn't love him.
"Mom, are you crying?" I turned to my son for a moment to wipe the tears from my eyes. I couldn't hide my swollen eyes because I cried all night.
"Mama's okay baby ..." Zari sat on the bed so I sat too. The concern on his face was obvious.
"You're lying mama ..." I stopped crying especially when he started to hug me. Oh God!
"Zari ... mama is fine." I tried to raise my voice. I felt her head shaking.
"Mom ..."
"Are you hungry already? Do you want mama to cook your breakfast?" I asked while stroking her hair.
"You're hungry too mama, I could hear your tummy crawling." I cant help to laugh. I presented him to me.
"Okay let's go? What do you want to eat?"
"I want pancakes mama!"
"Alright." I took a deep breath before smiling at him and we brushed our teeth together before going down.
When we went down there was no one in the living room. Where is Lani?
"Mama I think Lani's aunt went out already." My son said we were in the kitchen. I felt guilty that Zari doesn't have any idea that her dada's home already.
I wonder where he is right now. Where can he stay?
Somehow I was amused by my son"s chatter at the time we were eating. But I still couldn't help but worry about Dash. Where is he? If I look for him who is with Zari? Maybe I'll call Stacy to watch Zari first.
That's what I did. Zari and I were in the living room waiting for Stacy.
"Mama, where are you going?"
"Mama son is just going to the grocery store." He smiled and nodded. When I heard the gate open I immediately stood up to greet Stacy.
"You're just a child here ah? It might be Aunt Stacy."
"Okay mom." He answered and gave another thumbs up. So I walked out.
When I was outside I saw that it was not Stacy who was opening the gate. But Lani with Alon. When Alon saw me I could see the anger in his eyes. He was very angry.
"Faster Lani!" I heard her shout Lani.
So I slowly approached the gate. I can see Alon's shoulders go down.
"What are you doing here?" I just calm question. When Lani opened the gate, Alon pushed Lani so that she could be the first to enter.
I was surprised when he suddenly slapped me. What the hell ?!
"How dare you! You cheater!" He was still shouting.
"T-teka, Miss Allona!" Awat ni Lani. But Alon didn't stop and he even managed to pull my hair. Oh my gosh not now! Zari's just inside!
"What the heck, Alon !!" I tried to get away from him but he was just stronger than me.
"You are really a bitch! Cheater! How dare you cheat to Dash! He trusted you!" He shouted. "Get your hands off me, Lani! This bitch is deserve to be slap! She cheated your brother!" Lani also misses him.
"Yes but not in this way! Please señorita, have mercy on the child he is just inside." Because of what Lani said, Alon's hands gradually loosened my hair. I was unable to fight him.
Because everything he said was true. Little by little, tears came to my eyes. I tried to look at Lani but she just averted her eyes. The people who trusted me when I had nothing but what did I do?
"Thanks to me, I'm still felt pity about your daughter. You know how fucking much I hate you? Satan can't match my anger with you, Laraya." He said emphatically.
"How could you cheat? Dash is really in love with you. He chooses you over everything, isn't it enough that he accepts you even you have a daughter? He loves you and trusted you! But what did you do? What did you fucking do ?! You two are engage right? Paano --- Damn! " He was swayed by his senses.
"Why are you putting yourself on other's business ----" I couldn't continue what I was going to say.
"Because I love Dion so much! Before you came into her life Laraya! I tolerated you before because I knew she loved you! But what did you do? You just didn't know what Dion was going through, did you know? When we were in Amsterdam he always thinks about you and Zari. Dion's already planning your house in Amsterdam, Laraya. He loves you so much. " I could no longer hold back my tears.
It's your fault, Laraya.
I also saw that she was crying as well as Lani.
"How many days has she been cold to you, right? Because your daughter always uploaded a picture of you and Zarius! You look like a happy family," I covered my mouth. H-I don't know!
"I-I dont know ..."
"Because you are blinded by your love with Zarius! You still love him you just using Dion! You have a child Laraya, so I hope you are thinking about your child's welfare. You choose the situation where you will be hurt a lot."
"Stop playing with their heart, stop denying your feelings. You know how much it hurts to be hurt. Please don't repeat the wrong decisions you made before."
I feel the pain with every word Alon utters.
"Don't hurt Dion please, I'm tolerant because I know she'll be happy with you. Don't dissapoint me again."
"I'm sorry Alon ----"
"Stop saying sorry to me, it doesn't matter. Serves your sorry for him."
"No, I'm not in love with him Alon." I said with all my might. Lani's eyes widened.
"Because you still love the father of your daughter." He replied.
"Please choose wise decision this time, Dion is in Juarez's mansion." Then he violently let go of Lani's hand and left.
Lani looked at me, but I could see no other emotion in her. He waved at me before following Alon. I was left in tears as I looked at the emptiness.
I just knelt on the floor because of the softness of my knee and the amount of pain I am going through now.
I went back inside the house to get my son back. I wiped away my tears first, I had to be strong for my son.
I caught him still sitting on the sofa while watching youtube.
"Mom, is Aunt Stacy's already here?" He put down the iPod and faced me. I sat down and touched his cheek.
"Do you want me and papa to end up together?" I will ask.
"Yes mama, but ---" I stopped him again and hugged him.
"Mama wants that too."
"Yehey!" He was happy to promise. He didn't really know yet, because he didn't know that anyone would be hurt if I chose his dad. I pulled away and touched his face again.
"Stay here okay? Aunt Stacy will watch over you. Mom is just leaving."
"Can I go with you then?" I slowly shook my head.
"I can't son, mama will come back okay?"
"Okay mom, I love you." Then he hugged me again.
"I love you too ..." and I tightened my hug even more. Soon after, Stacy arrived with Paris.
"I'll take care of it first." Ani ko.
"Don't make it too long, Island. Dion is in hacienda, time to talk to him. Tell him what you really feel." Aniya. I just nodded. Even though Stacy is rude, I feel that she is worried about me. I was about to hug her when suddenly she stopped me.
"Stop it, Island just go!" I can't help laughing when he pushed me out.
So I left quickly. I just walked to the Juarez hacienda. Alon is right, I have to say how I feel so that no one gets hurt. Dash is kind so I just have to be honest about how I feel. I love him but not the way I love Zarius. Maybe I loved him, but not as much as Zar.
I was almost out of breath when I arrived at the hacienda. I also met a lot of workers.
"Maam Ysla!" Remembrance of an assistant.
"Ate Dina."
"Are you looking for Don Patricio?"
"Ah no, I'm looking for Dashiel." I answered and looked around for more sesame seeds.
"All I know is that señorito woke up early, because when he's here he often goes to the stable in the morning." He's right, maybe he's in the stable.
"Is that so? All right, thank you! If you can just meet grandpa, please let me pass."
"Come on maam!"
So I quickly turned around to make my way to the stable. As I was walking I met many workers who greeted me.
I saw a familiar bulk walking as well. Bali to meet me. Juarez is also a to.
Yes, Ocean!
He frowned when he saw me. Like the other Juarez, their eyes are really unique. It's so cold and you don't see any emotion.
"I saw ----" I couldn't continue what I was going to say when he was ahead of me.
"In the stable." He just answered. In what he is wearing now, he looks like a provincial. But the wealth. Turned white shirt and a ripped jeans and boots.
"Thank you." I said then smiled. But he didn't say or do anything and just turned his back on me. I just ignored it and started walking.
When I got inside I immediately found him feeding his favorite horse. Si Amara. I remembered back then, when I first met Amara, Dash was very angry because I was feeding her grass. It turns out that Amara doesn't eat grass.
I have also ridden Amara a few times. Dash also taught me how to run a horse. He taught me many things that once in my life I had never experienced before.
So maybe I love Dash because he has helped me a lot. I loved him yes, but not that deeply. I was in a hurry then with my decision.
"Dash ..." I know he heard me but he didn't look at me. It wasn't that dark in the stable because somehow there was an open window to provide light for the two of us.
He caressed Amara.
"Dash lets talk ..." I tried to be firm and slowly approached him.
He still did not speak so I used this opportunity to speak.
"Dash im sorry, I know I've done a lot for you. You've also done a lot of good things in my life. You show and teach me a lot of things, you were always there whenever I needed a shoulder to lean on. You were always by my side when I need someone to take care of Zari. You accepts me even I have so many flaws, you accepts me whole heartedly, Dashiel. " He still did not speak.
"I loved you, Dash and that's the truth. I loved you, but I didn't know in myself that I still love Zarius. I never used you to forget him Dash believe me. I don't want to hurt you, I gambled then because I want you to be with me for the rest of my life but my heart says differently since our paths meet again. Believe me Dash ... I want to put myself first but I can't. I have Zari, I don't want anyone I'm hurting people. "
"You know how severe my punishment is in the world, don't you? But it disappeared when I met you. Believe me Dash please. I'm sorry ..." I bowed down because my tears were slowly coming.
But I immediately looked up when he approached me and touched my other cheek.
"You don't have to say sorry, Vien. It's okay, it's all my fault. I forced myself on you even though I feel like you still love her. It's okay, where you're happy, I'm happy too." I cried even more at what he said. Why are you like this Dash?
"D-dash ..."
"Its okay Vien, as long as you're happy. Its okay." Her voice trailed off. Gosh!
"D-dash ----"
"Go now, Vien. Chase him. All I know is he's leaving now." My eyes widened at what he said.
"Go now, I'll take care of Zari. Always remember that you are one of the best things that happened to my life, Vien. I will never regret that day when I first saw you."
"D-dash ..." he slowly took my hand. And touched the ring he gave her.
He looked at me as if I knew what he wanted. So I slowly took off the ring and slowly reached out to her. He took it and looked at me again. He wiped the tears from my eyes.
"I love you so much, Vien ..." he whispered and kissed me on the forehead. When he released me, I gradually turned away.
I love you so much too, Dash.
I was able to run because I remember again what he said now that Zarius is leaving!
Not allowed. I need to stop him and talk to him!

I hurried home to get my car and travel to Manila. I don't know where he is going or going, I don't have any idea. Im too late for this, I waste so many time thinking about stupid decisions.
Gosh! What did I do? All this time, I just denied how I felt about him. That I just tried to seal in my brain that he is not the one I love. I thought of all the bad things I had done to him. When it was too late, I realized my mistake.
I wasted so much time! Lots of opportunities to say how I really feel but why didn"t I say it? Why did I just now realize everything when he was leaving?
Ysla, its all your fault! How many times has Zarius told you that he loves you? How many times has Zarius sacrificed for you? How many times has Zarius been hurt because of you? When you thought that his dream would come true because you left him, it didn't work out! Nothing left of him, Ysla.
While he is forcing you to fight, you are giving up for a single useless reason. That's right, you two could make it til the end, I shouldn't choose the worst decision. That until now I have been blamed.
"Fuck!" I just hit my steering wheel when the traffic was still not moving. While standing I couldn't help but look at a large billboard. It was them, the Moonstone. They are all shirtless and they have serious faces while looking at the cam.
It's very proud because they reached this, didn't Zar really continue his studies? But it's only been a year, isn't it? Why Zarius? You really are stupid Ysla! Aren't you his dream after you left!
I breathed a sigh of relief when the traffic started. I accelerated the operation even more in case I could catch up with him. I no longer care if I break the rules of the road.
When I reached the Walterson mansion I immediately parked the car opposite and quickly got out of my car.
"Please, I hope he hasn't left yet." I was nervous as I headed for their gate. There were some guards guarding inside. I had the courage to go.
"Who are they looking for?" A guard got up from his seat and approached me.
"M-can I come in?" I will ask.
"I'm sorry, we can't let anyone in." He was still very aggressive against her.
"I'm Zarius f-friend ..."
"Oh, maam, that line is already scratched, many people have tried to enter here because our boss's son is an actor. Just come back when you have proof that you really know one of the Walterson maams. I'm sorry."
"B-but man ----" I didn't continue because he turned around and went back to his place. How is that?
How can I see Zarius?
I just felt tears dripping from my eyes. Who should I contact about Zarius' whereabouts? I dont have any phone numbers of his cousin. I only have this number. I immediately took my phone out of the pocket of my shorts and quickly dialed his number.
"Please, answer me ..."
"Zarius answer my call. Please!"
But after a few calls I still haven't answered. Her phone turned off!
Tinry ko rin na itext sya.
Me:
Zarius please, answer my call. Where are you?
Me:
Let's talk please.
Me:
Zarius im begging you. Please lets talk ...
I just looked up at the sky to hold back my tears. I do not know what to do! I'm a fool! Why now? Why is he leaving now?
Why is it too late?
I remember again our last conversation.
'How are we?'
'We don't have any.'
Oh gosh, what other face are you going to face Ysla? You've hurt him so much, what more right do you have to say how you feel when it's too late? Admit that you are afraid that he might love others.
I frustratedly walked back to my car. No more, Ysla. Accept that Zarius left you. Because it's really all your fault. You are so stupid.
"L-laraya?" Slowly I turned to the fine voice. The voice is very modest.
When I turned around, I immediately saw Sherina's gentle face. I felt insecure, why didn't Zarius like him?
"Sherina ..."
He slowly approached me, his hair was long and very black and very badly damaged.
"Ahm a-what are you doing here?" He asked. I don't feel like I'm plastic with him. She's just too good to be true.
"Sherina, n-is Zarius here?" He frowned at my question.
"I don't know either, isn't he with you?"
"He said he was leaving ..." he was surprised by what I said.
"Ha? I didn't know." Saad nya.
"P-can I go inside? N-are they there Maam Alejandra?"
"Yes they are here, I guess. Tara." I immediately felt happy with what he said. So I quickly followed him. The guard was even surprised to see me.
"Oh my gosh I'm sorry, I don't know!"
"It's okay." Ani ko. The guard bowed.
As we made our way to the mansion Sherina spoke.
"He didn't mention that he was leaving, but hopefully if you meet again you'll get along." I frowned at what he said.
"Y-you love him right?" She heaved a sigh.
"Yeah, but that doesn't mean I'll be an obstacle to you two. I love him but if I knew in myself that he loves someone else I would stop, I know my place. First of all, Laraya. He explained everything to me, he tried to court me before but I refused. Cause I know he's still inlove with you. "
Zarius courted her?
"I know there's no hope, I'm the only one who hopes. So first I imprinted in my brain that when you come I'll be okay. Because he's happy with you. So I'll let him. You just don't know, but he's waiting for you after what you have done to him, Laraya. " I stopped at what he said.
That's why he also stopped.
"Don't waste time, Ate Laraya. This is the chance for you to love each other without boundaries or limits. You've wasted so many opportunities." I couldn"t help but burst into tears at what Sherina said. So I immediately held his hand.
"S-thank you, Sherina!" He smiled. Then we walked to the mansion. As soon as we entered, Shaina and Chaos and their two children appeared before me.
"Mommy, that's Zari's mama right?" Casha pointed at me.
"Tita She !!!" A little boy ran.
"Sheeran! Casha!" Sherina is also happy to promise her nephews. Chaos was surprised to see me but Shaina's face was just serious.
"Let's go to the pool first." Sherina invited the two children so there were only three of us left in the living room.
"It's you, Ysla." I can still feel Shaina's cold look at me.
"C-chaos, S-shaina ..."
"What are you doing here?" Shaina asked coldly.
"G-I just want to know if Zarius is here. I need to talk to him."
"Baby ..." Chaos scolded Shaina.
"You're too late, he's gone already. His flight was early this morning. He didn't tell us where he was going." My eyes widened at what Shaina said. What ?!
"Sha."
"H-that's not true!"
"Well its up to if you're gonna believe in me. If you want to go to his room so you can see that his clothes are no longer there."
"Shaina." Disobeying Chaos.
"N-no ..."
"What Chaos! Don't you see the reason why Zarius left? Its all because of this woman!" Then Shaina quickly left.
"I'm sorry my wife, Ysla." I nodded slowly as he left and followed Shaina
As I was left staring at the floor while crying.
He really left us forever ...
"Mama, why are you sad?" I looked sadly at my son. I just came home earlier, I couldn't eat anymore. Why now? Next week is her son's birthday.
"Will you be sad if papa wont come on your birthday?" He was surprised by what I said.
"But he promised me mama, how he wouldn't come?" His eyes were still narrowing as he told me that.
"Just don't be mad at him okay? Papa loves you so much ..." I hugged him. Sorry son, it's all mom's fault. Mama ruined everything.
"Okay ...." he replied, I can't help but shed tears because I know my son will be expecting when his dad arrives. But its too late already. Annoying! Why did he leave immediately? Why didn't she send it to her son's birthday first?
He really doesn't have a heart! He's just mad at me. Why does he have to leave Zari? He promised to her, he shouldn't promise in the first place if he knew to himself that he can't take responsibilities.
I knew I was a coward, I was scared and became selfish. And I know I hurt him too much, but does give it a damn? I hope he just thought of his son! Why do you have to leave? She made the child feel how much she loved him!
Why wait any longer ?!
"Mama don't be sad anymore, papa cant do that." He looked up at me. I was about to avoid my face when he raised his small hand to wipe away my tears.
Im sorry, how can I tell my son that his dad won't come in a way that won't hurt him?
"Zari ..."
"Mama, Im not sad because of what you said earlier that papa wont come on my birthday. I believe he wont break his promise mama. I trust Papa." Then Zari smiled at me. There was joy in my heart at how positive you were my son but the pain in my heart was more fleshy.
What do I do when her dad doesn't show up? Will he be angry with me?
"O-okay I t-trust your papa too." He smiled and hugged me again.
After a while, I felt Zari sleeping in my arms, so I slowly laid her down. Maybe he was tired, after I made sure it was okay I went down first. It's eight o'clock in the evening.
When I came down there was no one in the living room, this house was a different color. If I used to feel anv when it comes to life now there is no energy. Dash hasn't come home yet and I understand why. Little by little, the happy memories we had here in the living room flashed back to my brain. How Dash chased my son, and how he rode on my son's trip even though he wasn't doing that thing.
So I hurt even more for him. I hugged myself because of the strong wind. The sliding windows are still open.
I was about to close when I heard a voice behind me.
"Ate ..." I immediately turned to Lani.
"L-lani ..." I don't know how to face her after everything. They helped my siblings and then I just hurt her older brother.
"L-lani i-im sorry ..." I bowed because I didn't know what to say to her. But I looked up when he held my hand.
"Ate its okay, I'm sorry earlier because I was really surprised. I'm not angry because I know you're a good person, you just love me so it's okay." I was surprised by what he said.
"B-but ----"
"Yes, I was hurt for my older brother, but I can't instill resentment in you. If my older brother is acceptable, why can't I?" He wiped away my tears.
"You're the best thing that happened in my brother's life, sister. I saw my brother be happy again because of you, but I don't think destiny really brought you together and I know God has a plan for you two."
"L-lani ..."
"You just made the right decision, for Zari ate. Zari will have a harder time if you don't admit how you really feel."
To my delight, I hugged him.
"Thank you, Lani!"
"Nothing sister." He patted my back.
I was nervous because I didn't know if her dad was coming. Just as Zari wanted to celebrate in Manila at Zarius' house, almost all of the Walterson Clan are here. I was even embarrassed at first, Mrs. Alejandra and Mr. Janmyr prepared everything for Zari's birthday.
Mommy and daddy are here too, they just didn"t go Ivan. But I"m glad Lani and Dashiel are here. But I still feel sad because Zarius is gone. This day would not be complete without him.
"Hey, you've been sesame seeds for a while." I looked at Fairy for what she said.
"There's something waiting for that!" This is Erich.
"Because you left ..." Aya said while eating the cake. Zari is in the front now while the clown is playing. My daughter has a nice look in her pink gown.
"He's gone already, Laraya." I felt a pain in my heart at what Fairy said. I still can't really believe that she won't go to her son's birthday. How does he endure that?
"Because he didn't use social media and didn't watch TV." I ignored what Erich said. I have no interest in that.
"Wait a minute ..." I stood up, they looked at me at the same time.
"I'll just get something inside." I didn't wait for what they would say and walked straight. Zari's grandparents can see that they are happily watching him in front of them. But I can"t really be happy for myself, I"m happy for my son.
When I got to the kitchen I drank water. The other Juarez men are also here. Even Chaos, Vino, Zyke, Zyle and Arkuss are here as well. Zarius is really the only one left. Earlier when they played they were lacking because Zarius was not there.
"There's sir!" I frowned at what an assistant had said.
Three helpers were the first to get out, so I was curious to get out as well. When I came out, the instruments were set up on stage again while Zari was on the side and sitting in his own chair.
They have already started playing.
"My eyes are no good, blind without her
The way she moves, I never doubt her
When she talks, she somehow creeps into my dreams
She's a doll, a catch, a winner
I'm in love and no beginner
Could ever grasp or understand just what she means. "
Damn! I know this voice! I was even more surprised when they parted in the middle and took out the man I loved the most while holding a mic.
"Baby, baby blue eyes
Stay with me by my side
'Til the mornin', through the night. "
Gradually I felt the footsteps of my feet. They are all focused on us now.
I did not notice that I was crying already. I thought...
B-why?
Gosh!
"Well baby
Stand here, holdin 'my sides
Close your baby blue eyes
Every moment feels right
And I may feel like a fool
But I'm the only one, dancin 'with you. "
Until he was in front of me.
"I hate you!" When he finished singing, I punched him in the chest.
"Hey aggressive future wife!" I ignored what Arkuss said.
"Naol!" Everyone laughed at what Zyke said.
Many more are shouting but I just don't pay attention.
"Hi love ..." he lowered the mic and whispered it. My heart beat faster.
"I-I thought ---"
I couldn't continue what I was about to say when Zari approached us.
"I told you mom, see?" I nodded to my son.
"I'm sorry for everything Ysla, promise I'll make it up to if you just let me be part of your life again. I love you so much, Ysla." Then he lifted a small box. My eyes widened when this is what he gave me before.
"How?" He looked at Zari and it looked like I already knew.
"D-did you leave? A-they said ---"
"When did I leave? Do you think it's so easy for me to leave you? I just fixed my mess Ysla. So that when I face you again there will be no more obstacles. I'm sorry, I just planned everything."
"Sorry mom!" I frowned that Zari was also an accomplice!
"Will you be my forever waves, and let me be your evening stars again, Ysla?"
I had no choice but to nod and answer.
"Yes, Zarius!" He quickly put the ring on me. Then he kissed me quickly which surprised me.
"Woaaaaah! It's wedding!" Shout of the crowd.
He just kissed her quickly and immediately let go. Then we faced a lot of people. I looked down at Dash who was happily looking at us and applauding us as well.
'Thank you ...' I mouthed the word to him, he smiled and nodded.
I happily looked at our loved ones who were also happily looking at us.
I never thought with the amount of trial that came into my life and ours, God would still give me the opportunity to be happy again with the one I love. I thought I would be sad but God did not allow it.
I thought it wasn"t Zarius and I, but I"m still thankful that I met Dash.
Just like we used to love, I know we will be happy again. Even I became cowardly and selfish.
God still allowed me to love again. And eventually also managed to be happy again
"She said yes finally!" Zarius shouted and the people laughed.
Because from now on, I promise that I will choose him in anything and I will always understand him. I will fight him all until the end.
Because now, my evening star and my beautiful melody is mine again.

The Stone heart of her
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