Chapter 13 Missed

Instead of going home or mansion to rest, I never turned down Lorence's mother's offer to go to their house first because of a little party. I could clearly see the joy in the eyes of the boy with me because of the excitement. His eyes were dim when we went to Batangas, maybe his parents didn't support him and they didn't have the money for the child to go. But I see Lorence's wishes so I take responsibility for it.
When we got out of the van, an alley opened up for us, enough for the passing tricycles, I held the child's hand while on the side of the road. Smoky, noisy and messy. The crowd sitting outside their house and the kids everywhere playing. A squatter area. Here he lives. I stopped walking when the child I was holding stopped. In an alley only one person fits. There is a hole in the middle so you have to step on the wood that serves as a bridge to the other side. Lorence went first, I watched how he crossed, he was just careful because it looked like that wood was going to break, it still smelled bad because when that wood was broken I fell into the dirty ditch. Carefully and slowly I crossed, Lorence even smiled at me sure I finally crossed.
"That's our house Ma'am." He points to the first door.
I looked at their house, made of stone but about to break down their door made only of patchwork wood. When I saw that his mother was quickly ushering us in, I could clearly see the joy in their eyes especially when they saw their son s medal. I don t know how I would feel when his mother said that it was the first time Lorence had participated in this kind of game and would have competed elsewhere, because they didn t have enough money.
Only now did I find out that Lorence's participation in the organization I hold at the school was a secret. Just prepare and tell the story of what happened. They are just so simple. The space of their home is small enough to fit six family members. The table was small and the chair I was sitting on was the best seat among them. All my tiredness was gone when I stared at them intently.
They are still happy even though they have very little. A kilo of rice is not a big deal to the poor like them. But people who have a higher standard of living than them are still looking for something. I can say I was very lucky anyway. It was getting dark when I got home to the mansion, I only caught up with Kierra who had just left. I no longer bothered to ask where the others were because I was so tired.
I have still remaining 2 days to give a reward for myself. Rest. I just lay in the bedroom most of the day. I didn't touch anything even my cellphone nor laptop. I want to rest my brain. I just left the sliding door that penetrated the terrace open all day so that the air could enter. I left the light off all day. Didn't eat all day. I watched the stars in the sky. I just smile bitterly every time I remember what those who knew me before told me.
They want to be me. They want to be as strong as I am. They are jealous because I have everything. An expectation.
"You are the strongest person."
What my aunts and uncles used to say to me resonated in my brain. Strong. Brave. But they never knew. They thought I was brave. But no, even the strongest person, die.
I decided to take the thick blanket and wrap it around my body, I was lying on the terrace myself, on the sofa that was the same size. I just want to get rid of the messes in my brain. I don't want to think about what happened to me then. I want to feel like my brain is blank even now. I don't want to think about my situation. Because, I cry.
The uncle is gone. No one will wipe away my tears. I can't cry because I'm a brave person. I can't be weak. I was quickly taken aback when I thought I had fallen on the sofa. I still glanced at the clock. It's seven in the morning. I'm just so surprised because I'm in bed now. Again. I often sleep on the sofa and when I wake up I am already in bed. How did that happen?
I am the only person here in the mansion. I've fixed myself, because it's a holiday today. I have decided to take care of myself. Somehow I can say that my system has improved. It's always like this. Whenever I was busy and literally had a headache, it always ended at rest. Whenever possible, I will sleep it for half a day. Suddenly, I felt freshness. Have an energy. When I came out of the room, Lucas came up to me sitting on the floor and fiddling with his cell phone.
Upset it quickly stood up. "You're awake," he said, staring at me.
"Doesn't it look like that? What are you doing there?" I asked.
His hair is messy and he obviously doesn't have a comb or a bath. He put his cell phone in his pocket. "I'm watching over you. I came home this morning, the window of your room is open. Don't sleep outside, maybe later, someone will snatch you from there," he said seriously, still messing up my hair a little. .
He really looks Zaffiro. "All right. Eat there. They'll all come later. The meeting will also be sudden. I'll be right next. I'm just taking a bath," he said, turning around.
I could do nothing but turn my back on him as well. I was just shaken by the sight of the black briefs exposed on the side. The mansion was quiet, Lucas and I were the only people. We also just ate the breakfast you cooked him. Almost all the men here know how to cook. He just asked about what happened against Batangas. He was not surprised when I told him that his co-workers were there. He didn't last long and left because of work.
I felt embarrassed when he cooked me something to eat for lunch before leaving. I never wasted the opportunity to be alone.
Today is November 1 and holday. I will set aside two days for myself to rest and to visit my long -retired parents. I just let the whole morning pass, in the afternoon maybe I will visit my parents. I called them but they didn't answer. What is happening now? Why do I feel alone in this world? I feel, I am the only one alive in this place. I stared intently at the whole place from where I was sitting here in the living room facing the largeg window, where I can see the wide area. The wind was strong, enough to make the trees dance as well as my hair touching my cheek. The surroundings are lifeless because apart from the shady sky, silence envelops the whole surroundings. I just hugged my own thigh and wrapped a thick blanket around my body. It's freezing. I look like a corpse. The lights and aircons were off throughout the mansion. Only my breathing could be heard.
My eyes wandered to the two birds that flew quickly towards the inside of the mansion, instead of catching them to drive them away I chose to stare at those two white ones. They quickly landed on the photos in the large closet in the living room. Two birds that stopped right in my parents photo. I don t know what that was, whether it was coincidental or not.
I felt something. I'm not scared but I feel like I'm not alone. I slowly left my seat and then went to the location of the two birds that were walking steadily in the photo opposite my parents. But even before I could get close the two birds stopped and almost ate me by staring at me.
"H-Hi," I uttered like an idiot.
They don't blink, just stare at me. I could clearly see my own reflection in their eyes.
"You are not allowed here. What are you doing in my parents' picture? D-Do you know them?"
That's how fast my heart beat when they raised their heads together. Do they understand me? I no longer knew if I was what was happening to me. There was some kind of cold air around me and I felt like someone was looking at me.
"M-Mom? Dad?" I proudly question while madly looking everywhere.
I knew no one would answer, but I still hoped my parents would show me. Even in a dream. I heard the noise made by a bird that seemed to be talking to me. I turned my attention to a bird that flew towards the photo of my three siblings. Later, a bird followed and matched uncle's photo. As I watched them do staring at the photos I couldn t help but feel the emotion building up in me. I hate my situation now. I can't control my tears.
"I missed you, ma, pa. Please ... Stay."
I know. They are those birds.
The way on how they looked and acted. I don t know how I will feel. I have never experienced having a parent. All my life, I have never experienced calling mama and papa. Others thought, I had it all. They envy everything what I have. They want to be me because of the perfect life I grew up with. But they were wrong. I don t know what perfect life means to them.
I have everything. Money, gadgets, even in properties, extravagance and such. Only one I don t have, but it has so much impact on my life.
I already accepted Ma, Pa. But it still hurts.