Healing from within

Ashina’s POV
I sat on the patio, lost I thought, the scenery from the last dream flooded my mind, it had happened so mysteriously that I coursing pinpoint a valid meaning to it.
I knew about being a descendant from the goddesses mercy, but taking my life seriously?, that was exactly what the voice had said to me, that I needed to take charge of my life.
In what other way?, with the power given to me by the goddess I was able to protect my family and a lot of people life, not to brag, but I healed a lot of men, so why would the goddess deem my existence as useless.
I was highly offended by it, but it had led me into a state of dilemma, maybe it was because I ran out of the park, the only thing I got to heal here are wild animals, maybe that was why she wanted me to take charge of my life, I have shifted from my purpose.
My heart clenched to the thought of going back, no one wanted me, and even if they did, they wanted me dead, they wanted to use me.
I thought of Estels children, they had no one, they can’t fend for themselves if I wasn’t there, after I promised to take care of them, I had carelessly left them alone, I planned on telling zeeb to take them out of the park.
They were like rogues already, so being amongst another park wouldn’t be anymore different, at least they won’t be treated with regard of their mother being brutally killed and lied against.
And maybe my mind would be truly free form the burden of taking care of them, I would truly leave my life, with no care in the world, if the moon godddes deemed my presence worthless then she should take it from me, or better still take the powers away.
I wasn’t used to being a rebel, but after everything that had been done to me, i could only act on impulse, I would finally do what I wanted to do, what I deemed fit for my life.
As I dived deeper into my valley of regret and hatred, a quick snap before me pulled me back to reality.
“I have been calling you, what are you thinking about?” Said zeeb.
He was standing beside me, his brow furrowed in worries as he stared down at me, I didn’t notice he was this close, and with the look on his face, there was only one thing he would suspect , and it was Lobo and the park.
He won’t be wrong to think about that.
“So sorry, when did you arrive, you look famished, I prepared something’s for you with some legume I found around the house” hurriedly standing from where I sat I stood to excuse myself but he pulled me closer.
“Ashina, you know you can talk to me right?” He said in that tone he uses when he was worried, I couldn’t lay the burden on him now, he has done so much for me already.
“I am fine zeeb, totally fine, and I was only thinking about my life, and how to tell you thank you” I said with a sweet smile on my lips, but he wasn’t convince not even the slightest.
“Ashina, you are lying, and if you must know, the park still needs you, but my brother is convinced that you are dead and they are looking for alternatives” he said.
I didn’t know how to react to it, but I nodded, then made my way to the house, but he pulled me again, this time with more intent as he stared deep into my eyes, searching for a possible answer but my will was too strong at that moment.
“It’s fine, let me see what you prepared, I am famished”
He excused himself then went into the house, I followed behind, happy that he had finally stopped pressuring me, then I saw blood stains on his clothes, immediately alarmed by it I rushed towards him.
“Zeeb, did you get into a fight?”
“No, it’s just a slight cut”
I raised his sleeves, just to see the scar from the claw of a wolf, the wideness could only mean one thing, and that means he fought with an alpha, not just any alpha, he fought with his brother.
“Why?”
“It’s nothing, it’s just a scar, it was given by mistake, he apologized for it”
“Who’s now a pathetic liar, you sick at it too” I said to him, I have been with lobo long enough to know he doesn’t apologize, not to me, and not to anyone, his bride wouldn’t let him.
Zeeb sighed, “we fought,” he finally said.
“Why?”
“Because—“ he paused, as he stared at me, “because, he doesn’t deserve you,” he Adams apple bubbled up and down his throat as he spoke.
His words sent me back a few steps, I was speechless, I didn’t know what else to say, “uhm”
“Ashina, it’s fine, you don’t have to worry, just be rest assure he won’t come looking for you”
“But”
“But nothing, you don’t have to go back there, he doesn’t love you, because if he did he would know you are worth every love he could show you, and if he wanted to change, he would have done so”
I felt my heart quiver, as he spoke to me, Lobo never loved me, but I was his mate, why would he hate me this much without rejecting me?,
“Ashina, don’t think about it, it’s fine, you will be fine with me I promise”
He walked up to me, placing his hands on both side of my head as he pulled me in, placing a slight kiss on my forehead, shivers of flame coursed right through me body, to his slight gesture.
He then pulled me in for a hug, “you are safe with me, always”
Tear pricked the corner of my eyes, what have I done specially to him to treat me with so much care that my mate didn’t, the tear trickle down my cheeks simultaneously, I could not have him coax me anymore than he so I clean my eyes.