Potions and Paralyzing Fears

Lobo POV
With meera out of the room, there was no need to act all strong and buffy, I was tired, too tired at that point, needless to say the thought of Anishapresent in the park made my legs weak, she wasn't my wife anymore, her presence had a negative effect on my wolf.
It paralyzed me, ‘damn it’
Being weak wasn't for me in any way, I refused to let her bring me down, even in her absence.
With my legs feebly standing on the ground, I walked over to my drawer. I never thought it would come to this point in my life where I needed the witch's potion in order for me to survive. It was really hard, but with the weight in my heart, I pulled out a bottle.
After the last time Sabrina paid a visit, she handed me a bottle of this deadly liquid, my eyes weighed the contents, I could only drink it once and that was all.
I remembered telling myself how I wont take it anymore, the last time, it took over my senses and I literally blacked out.
Goddess knows what else would happen, I was stuck in between two hard choices, first was stay away from the potion and bear the risk of being seen as weak by anisha, I sensed that she was stronger now, stronger than she was when I married her, it had only been days since the rejection and she had gone so strong.
Her confidence had skyrocketed, even now seen playing to her tune, I just hated myself all over again.
The latter to the earlier option was to take the content of the bottle, become who she remembered, a fierce ruler, nonchalant, and powerful, even though it might black out and kill everybody, but still it was better than being belittled.
I gulped the content of the bottle, the effect took place almost immediately, it felt like I could feel every part of me being repaired, limb by limb it got even stronger, I was fueled with rage.
The potions amplified everything, my emotions were at its peak, I felt like I could tear down a park and rebuild it in days, just the way everything was amplified, so was the self hatred.
I hated myself even more now, I hated the shades of my skin, the look on my face, everything looked imperfect, my skin felt like I shell i so desperately wanted to climb out of, it taunted me.
I looked away from the mirror, unable to phantom where I looked so horrible.
I was nothing, I resented everything about me. It made me tear up all of a sudden, my eyes felt wet with tears, I hated myself, I hated myself so much I wanted to die.
While still on the bed, I felt Anisha's presence, I quickly cleaned my eyes, so she doesn't know or even have the slightest clue about my weakness.
She entered my room, and I felt my body tense up almost immediately.
In my defence I asked, “what are you looking for here? I believe I gave you all the answer you needed” I said in the most stoic manner I could pretend to be in, even though I wanted to pull her in for a hug, I wanted to beg her to give me a drop of her own blood. I wanted to perceive her scent up close because it was the only thing that could make my wolf calm.
She locked the door behind her then walked up to me.
“You are hiding something” she said in a calm tone, my heart began to beat really fast, I cursed meera for pretending to be the one with the power to see vision, because right now anisha was getting on my nerves, there is no way I could hide this from her even if I wanted to do it so badly.
“We are not mated, I owe you nothing, now go back to your hell home before I do something terrible to you” I tried to hide my gaze away from hers, so I laid on my bed, my eyes closed with my hands resting on each other.
I heard her sigh, I wanted to beg her to leave that this potion I had taken from the witch will make me kill her and I will forever be in pain for doing it, but I was not supposed to show my emotions.
“Leave” I commanded.
“Believe it, if it was up to me to make that decision you won't see me in this park”
I knew what she was referring to but I remained adamant to acknowledge it.
“For the last time, I will ask you this question”
“Fuck off!”
I jerked from the bed, rage eluded my sense of reasoning, I charged at her.
“One more word from that trash can of a mouth and i would have your head rolling on the floor”
The anisha I know would be on her knees begging for me to calm down, but the lady before me didn't even move a step backwards no matter how close I was to her. She stared at me fearlessly in the eye. I had never seen a lady this confident.
My ego was dented. I didn't know how to react to it, I should shove her to the floor or slap her.
I fear I would lose my temper and I will morphe into a beast that would prove that she was right.
“Fuck off” I snarled
But rather she continued with her poker stare till I felt my body calm down, I gave up.
Leaning on my bed I let her speak freely for the first time in a really long time, and she didn’t hesitate to make use of that opportunity.
“I know you have gotten into a big mess, and if you don’t tell me , I will figure out myself and trust me when I say it will come with the throne”