23. Rain

**Rain**

The time I spent with Caleb made me forget about Jordan. Last night had been the best night of my entire life. I laughed, danced, and learned more about Caleb. And when Caleb played the piano for me, he made me feel special.
Why does Jordan keep appearing in my life when I don't want anything from him?
Still holding Caleb's hand, feeling those sparks that have become so familiar to me, and I want to feel every time I touch him, I look at Jordan.
"I will speak with you!" I say. "But this is the last time we speak, Jordan."
I hope that after this discussion, Jordan will finally leave me alone. Safia huffs, annoyed with me.
*'Wanting to speak to him doesn't mean I will forgive him!'* I say to her.
"No!" Caleb says.
I look at Caleb, "I need to speak with him." Caleb shakes his head. "Please, understand," I whisper to him.
"You heard Rain!" Jordan says and stands. "She wants to talk to me!"
Blade inhales deeply and looks at the ceiling, giving me the impression he wants to be anywhere else but here. I don't blame him. Two Alphas that want the same female being in the same room is the perfect recipe for disaster.
Caleb growls and is about to go over to Jordan, but I stop him. "Don't let him get to you," I say, looking at him. "But I really need to speak to him."
Caleb takes my face between his palms, "If you speak with that fucker, I will be very angry with you, Red!"
"My name is Jordan, not fucker!" Jordan snaps.
Blade drums his fingers on the table and looks at a cabinet, "I hope I have enough bleach."
"No one asked your name!" Caleb growls.
I put my hands around Caleb's wrists. Sparks dance against our skins. "Five minutes, and then I am done with him."
"I thought you were already done with him," Caleb says.
"We will never be done! She is my soulmate!" Jordan says.
"I might have two bottles left, but I have to ask Conon to buy more. Someone is going to paint my beautiful kitchen red," Blade says.
Safia sends me an image of two males fighting. One of them kills the other, and I already know who the winner is–Caleb.
Caleb's scent changes. He is angry–as in, 'I want to give Jordan a free plastic surgery.'
He looks at Jordan, "She was your soulmate until you rejected her! Now she is mine! I never understood how you could reject such a wonderful person as Red. But I won't make the same mistake as you! One day I will take her to the Ritual Stones and claim her as my mate in front of all the pack!"
Jordan snorts, "She is not your soulmate! And you could never claim Rain because she never rejected me!"
I go still. My breathing stops for a moment as my thoughts go to the night Jordan rejected me. I haven't rejected him because I wasn't ready to let go of Jordan.
Could this be why my instinct hasn't told me that Caleb is my soulmate?
Caleb looks at me. By his scent, he is shocked, but I want to see his face! Stupid face blindness!
"I see," Caleb says and lets go of my face. From his scent, I can tell he is angry. Sadness follows moments later. Crap! I let go of his wrists, and he turns on his heels. "Let's go, Blade. I am not killing anyone. At least not today."
Caleb opens the door and leaves. I want to go after him, but I force myself to stay still. Blade goes after Caleb and closes the door after him.
I pinch the bridge of my nose and prepare myself for what's to come. Jordan walks towards me. When he stands behind me, he puts his hands on my shoulders.
Safia growls inside my head, not wanting Jordan to touch me. I shake him off and move away from him. I go over to the table and sit.
"Caleb is my soulmate!" I say, facing Jordan. Even if Caleb wouldn't be my soulmate, I would still choose him over Jordan. Any day. Not because I am in love with Caleb, but because I feel safe for the first time in a long time. Caleb makes me feel safe.
"Don't say that, Rain! You belong to Titan and me!" Jordan says.
I arch an eyebrow, "You think I am some piece of territory? I don't belong to anyone! Least of all you! I only belong to myself, Jordan!"
"Rain, I didn't mean it like that!" he says and moves closer to me.
If Caleb makes me feel safe, it is the opposite with Jordan.
All I want to do is look for Caleb. But I have to end any connection I still have with Jordan.
"You are the one that said I belong to Titan and you! I am a person, Jordan, not a damn hunting trophy!" I snap at him.
"You think I don't know who you are? You are my soulmate, Rain! Mine! And I want you with me. Titan needs Safia! You have no idea how much I have suffered!" Jordan says.
"How much you suffered? What about what I suffered?" I ask in an angry tone. "What about you or the pack did to me?"
With Jordan, it's always about him. It is about what he wants and what he feels. It was never about me and what I needed. Why haven't I seen it until now?
"Rain, I know I made you suffer. But I want you to know that there hasn't been a moment I haven't thought of you. I thought I was going crazy not knowing where you were or what you were doing," Jordan says and sits on a chair.
His orange scent fills my lungs. Once, it made my heart race, but now it only represents memories of the first male I fell in love with.
I know that Jordan also loved me in his way. And maybe he still does.
But while Jordan is my past, Caleb is my future.
"You have seen how I am, Jordan. Go back to your pack. One day you will find your second soulmate. You will be happy with her, and I know the pack will love her," I say and give him a sad smile.
Jordan shakes his head, "You are my happiness, Rain. I am ready to do whatever it takes to win you back. And I don't want you to worry about our pack. Everyone will love you once you are Luna."
He doesn't get it. "It has never been my pack! While your pack will love me only if I am their Luna, the Black Ruby Rogue Pack wants me with all my flaws. I don't have to be anyone to be loved here! And there's nothing you can do that will make me change my mind. It's over, Jordan. It was over the moment you chose to harm me!"
His scent fills with pain and sadness, and I feel as if my heart is breaking. I know this is goodbye, and it hurts.
"Come with me, Rain. I swear I will make everything within my power to have you happy."
I close my eyes, and for a moment, I can see it–our life together in Cresent Moon Pack, and I know Jordan could make me very happy. We would have adorable pups and maybe a pet or two. I know Jordan would be an excellent father. The pack would learn to love me, and I would try to be a good Luna.
But not in this life. Because in this life, I am not meant to be with Jordan.
What if the Moon Goddess gave me to Jordan so I could end up with my true half? If Jordan had never rejected me, I would have never met Caleb.
"I know you would make me happy, Jordan. We would have a great life together, filled with laughter and love. We would have one or two pups and some pets. You would be a great Alpha, and I would learn how to be a good Luna. But not in this life. In this life, I am meant to be with Caleb."
I know what I have to do and say, but it is hard. Even if it had been for a short time, the moments I spent with Jordan were happy.
Jordan gets on his knees, hugs my legs, and puts his head on my lap. "Just don't do this to me! To us! I can't lose you!"
He knows as well as I do that this is the end for us. Everything that happened brought us to this moment.
Jordan starts crying and his tears fall on my jeans.
"You did this to us when you rejected me," I say, stroking his hair.
"Rain, I love you!" More tears fall on my jeans. "Titan loves both you and Safia. You are breaking him!"
"I know you love me, Jordan. And I also love you and Titan! I think a part of me will always love you." Tears fall down my cheeks.
Jordan lifts his head and looks at me. "Then why? Why do you want to reject me? Us? We are soulmates!"
"Because you are not truly in love with me, Jordan. You would have never loved me if not for the bond. You are in love with the idea of having a soulmate because you waited for so long."
I don't mention all the pressure he felt since he turned eighteen. Days after his birthday, the pack started pressuring Jordan to find his soulmate. The first year he searched like crazy, but after visiting many packs, Jordan stopped looking and started fucking any female that opened her legs for him.
He shakes his head, "I fell in love with you before I knew what you are to Titan and me."
"Jordan, you never took any particular interest in me until I got close to turning eighteen. I am wrong. You did have an interest before, but in making my life hard. Most of my memories of you are with you bulling me."
"Rain," Jordan says my name in a heartbreaking tone, "if I could turn back the time and change what I did to you, I would. Not only that I would change my past with you, but I would stop anyone from harming you. Let me show you how much I love you. Accept Titan and me back. "
"But you can't turn back time, Jordan. It is too late for you. For us." More tears roll down my cheeks. He keeps looking at me, and Safia lets me know he is also crying. My heart breaks a little more.
"You are suffering just as much as I do, Rain. It will break both of us if you reject me."
"I am already broken, Jordan. But Caleb is helping me to make a new life for me." I clean the tears from my face.
Jordan hugs my legs tighter, and more tears fall on my jeans. "He will never love you as much as I do!" He chokes on his words.
"This is not a contest, Jordan!" I snap.
"I know, little black witch. What does he have that I don't?"
'Me!' I want to say because while Jordan still has my love, Caleb has the rest of me. And I don't regret accepting him.
"He has seen the good and the bad of the world and still gets up every morning and takes care of his pack. He has seen me at my lowest and still wants me with all my flaws. He understands me, Jordan, in a way you will never understand me. And for him, I want to be a better person. A better soulmate. He deserves more than me, but I don't want to let go of him because, without him, I will fall back into depression."
I have never admitted it before, but I need Caleb Black. I need him like I need air.
"Rain, I will take care of you. I will make you laugh every day! Just give me one more chance! For you, I want to be better. I even stopped smoking. Whatever you will ask of me, I do!"
Jordan has been smoking for many years, and every time I brought up the subject, he would shrug and say that maybe one day would stop.
"While I appreciate that you stopped smoking, it won't erase what happened. I gave you a chance, Jordan. And now, I want to give myself a chance to be with Caleb. I deserve to be happy too!" More tears fall down my face, and I wipe them fast.
"Do you think he will make you happy?" Jordan asks in a broken voice.
I nod, "He already makes me happy. I think he is my true soulmate."
"What do you mean by true soulmate?" Jordan growls. "Are you saying that our bond is not real? That what happened between us was a lie?"
"Don't you dare growl at me!" I snap. "We are soulmates, Jordan, but we have never meant to be together!"
"Do you want me to grovel, Rain? Because I am ready to grovel as much as you want. Just don't reject me!"
I breathe because I want to say the words and look for Caleb. I need to talk to him.
"What I need from you if you accept the rejection without making too much drama. Then I want you to back to your pack, be the best Alpha you can be. And one day, when you least expect it, you will find the one who was truly meant for you."
More tears fall down my jeans. I wish this would be easier for both Jordan and me, but I guess rejections are never easy.
"Fight for us, Rain!" Jordan pleads with me.
"Why should I fight when you never fought for us, Jordan? I, Rain Blackwater–"
"You love me! You said so!"
I inhale deeply, "I do love you, Jordan, but I don't love you enough to forgive you and to want a life with you."
While I do love Jordan, it has never been an all-consuming love. I don't know if Caleb will be that person for me, but if I don't try, I will regret it all my life.
"Do you love him?" Jordan spats his question.
I close my eyes because I want this conversation to be over. By choosing to speak to Jordan, I hurt Caleb, and I need to tell him that I did so I could reject Jordan.
Once I reject him, I hope Jordan leaves, and I can finally put behind what happened to me since I was just a small child.
"He makes me feel safe," I reply, not wanting to lie.
"Rain, I will keep you safe. Just don't reject me! I don't think I live without you."
"You can live without me, Jordan. I can and already am." I breathe in and keep it in for a few seconds before letting the air out. "I, Rain Blackwater, from the Black Ruby Rogue Pack, I reject you, Jordan Reed, as my soulmate!"
I expect to feel pain like I did when Jordan rejected me but instead, I feel free.
Jordan grunts and starts trembling.
I push his hands away, and he lets go of me. I stand and walk away.
"I will always love you, Rain, and no matter what happens, I will see you as my soulmate. My only soulmate!" Jordan says and sounds as if he is in great pain.
I stop walking and look at him. He is still on his knees, his palms cover his face, and he is sobbing.
"You will always be my first love, but Caleb is my soulmate."
I look one more time at Jordan. He is crying even harder. I turn my back to him and leave.