13.

Elai's POV

It turns worse when I notice him looking at me too, though. For a moment the myth crosses my mind. The sun and the moon once madly in love- what am I even doing? I watch him swallow, watch him slightly move his head to the left, watch him let out a shaky breath. It takes me minutes to snap out of it, to stop looking at his eyes. I reach out for my ponytail and let my fingers slide through my hair, a habit I picked up whenever I feel unsure of what to do.
I wonder what he is thinking right now, and why he is just as unable to look away as I am. My eyes fall first, my sight now going to his lips, and then his throat and his shoulders. “My hands are right here.” He taps his fingers against the tiles, as if to tell me to look at them. I do, cheeks burning. I forgot he was looking at me, too. That he saw me looking down. He saw me.. looking. “I have to ask..” He then says, his fingers starting to play again. I am aware that this isn’t how you teach someone how to play, but I do not seem to care. I want to know what he’s going to say, I want to know what will come out of his mouth. My eyes do not even follow his fingers, they stay on one tile with my heartbeat stuck in my throat. “I will not be able to stay by your side as much as I’d want to.” I know he means it in a way to say he cannot trust me as long as he does not know me, but I want to take it differently. I want to take it differently so bad.
Stop it, Elai.
“So can I trust you to stay inside when I am gone?” He will be gone a lot. He is a king after all. If it isn’t meetings, it is war. This is who he has to be. I feel sorry for him. He is young, barely two years older than Chay. When I am twenty-four, I want to be able to work in a shop and have a peaceful life. If I make it to that age.
I take a deep breath. “You should ask Connie that.”
“He will be going with me. We have got a war to win.” The war. I had forgotten about it.
“Just like Cesilia. I cannot fight without their units by my side. I cannot leave them here. I will have to.. trust you on your word.” Instead of my actions.
“I do not have anywhere to go, my king.” It does not frighten me to call him that. It does not frighten him, either. It much rather amuses him; I can see the small pull at his muscles. He does not fully smile, though.
“And you are already my mentor twice now. I will not leave.” Piano and core concentration. He will help me. Arlon smiles. “I had forgotten about that. We will start when I get back.” When I get back, he says. It is a different way of saying I will not die. My brother said that to me once. He came back, too.
“A king going into war.. you must really hate Lyle.”
“Or I just really love Turi.” The words soften my hate for now.
The conversation ends there, for now, and I soon enough find myself listening to him play once more. I still don’t know a single thing about how to play this instrument, even though it has probably been an hour by now.
“This one is called She passed away alone at sea.” Arlon sounds above the music. He plays with his eyes closed, and a curtain of pain seems to fall over his face. He looks like he can truly feel the pain of the title, of the song and the meaning behind it.
“Someone special to me taught me how to play it..” His words become softer. The next words I do not hear; they are mere mumbles turning into air. I do not ask what he was saying; I do not have to. He will not have an answer for me, anyways. It is his pain, it is his story. It will come to me if it has to.

I am good at not noticing when I fall asleep, because when I open my eyes, I am no longer sitting behind the piano. I am no longer sitting next to.. him. For a moment, I feel like I have dreamt everything. It was so peaceful and felt so similar. It was as if I had been connected to him all along, and that we had finally found each other. The sun and the moon once madly in love. I have got to stop thinking about that myth.
He has placed me on my bed, robe still tightly wrapped around my waist. My hair has fallen out of my ponytail and I take a moment to stand up and walk around, just to get everything off of my shoulders. I feel anxious and confused. King Arlon is going away, together with the only two other people I have met inside of this castle. The only good thing that I can think of is that Chay might be able to stay by my side in the meantime. I hope Arlon allows him to do so. He makes the decisions, after all. I open up the doors to the balcony, the stone cold against my feet. The night is still deep yet the market is loud and alive. There are hundreds of people wandering through the alleys; buying apples, buying flowers, buying accessories. It is the same as at home. I used to watch the market bloom on at night, used to cound how many people went for the green instead of the red apples. It was nice.
This is better. I am free here, even though I cannot leave the castle on my own. I am able to watch the people with a smile on my face, my tired legs begging for me to go back to bed, I do not. I need to have this moment. I take in the fresh air, smell the night breeze and the vague scent of food in the distance.
I am at peace in this moment.