57.

Elai's pov

I am glad to say that the last few days have been quite calm. I have been seeing Arlon a lot, and I am moving to a point where I am truly ready to accept that I have fallen in love with him. At first I tried convincing myself that I might’ve just been severely touch starved, and that Arlon was able to provide me of touch until it was no longer needed. That was dumb of me, because I felt my heart jump out of my chest when he told me he really likes me. It was only yesterday. It isn’t anything special, not really for that matter. But it felt special to me; someone was starting to love me, and it was an emotion I had never felt before. sure, my brothers probably respected me in some sibling type of way, but they’ve never shown me their love. There’s no reason to talk about my father. We all know very well how he thought of me.
Today the tournaments start. There is a secret I haven’t told anyone yet, simply because I thought it would be funny. The thing is, I signed myself up for it, and somehow got in with ease. Maybe it’s because my name is well known in Turi right now, or maybe it’s simply my charms that do it for me. Whichever case it might be; I am going to fight the best and strongest people of Turi. Not to mention that it will all happen in front of the eyes of Arlon, who I can now say is.. my lover. I want to impress him, and lure him in just a bit more. I know he still doesn’t fully trust me, and he has the right not to. I don’t even trust myself, so why should he? I’m going to be very honest, I’m quite unsure if this was the right decision. What if I can’t control my ability the way I do during training? What if I embarrass myself, or worse.. kill someone? Will Arlon believe it was an accident? Or will it be the last time I ever get to look into his eyes?
I’m trying not to be too nervous as I walk down the long, dark hallway. There are many people stretching their legs and waking up their muscles. They all want whatever glory they might receive. I hide my head inside of hood so that if I pass Connie, he won’t recognize me. I am in a much lower rank than he is, so the chance that I have to fight him before the finale is quite small. Luckily. I know I’ll never make it that far, but if I’d end up fighting Connie, I’d much rather be it the last fight I have to carry on my shoulders. He’ll probably knock me out in a second, anyway. I try to look at every single competitor I pass, just to see what kind of strength I should expect. It’s hard not to look away every time someone looks back at me, some even putting on a cocky grin to scare me. They are intimidating, I’ll admit. But I won’t let them frighten me. I want to look good in front of the king. I want to make a statement. Be it to eye stronger, or trustworthy. I want him to see me at my best.
I stop at my assigned room; 13B. I’ve got enough time left to concentrate and press my hands against the door gently.
“You must be out of your fucking mind..” Chay’s voice startles me, my eyes widening as I keep them focused on the door. Of course. My participation was a secret; Chay found out through his magic. I wish I could curse at him for using it on me all the time, but I’d do the exact same thing if I had Green magic under my control.
“Chay-“
“You do know you can get heavily injured, right? These people are ruthless in front of the king. They’ll destroy you-“ I’m quite in shock that Chay is in front of me. Not because he knows I’m participating, but because the tension between us has become quite suffocating. I still don’t like to admit it, but by now we all understand Chay feels things for me that aren’t mutual. I freeze when he puts his hands on my shoulders, a concerned look telling me to calm down. He’s my closest friend, still. Maybe I shouldn’t worry as much as I do.
It’s not as if he forces himself onto me, or tries his hardest to make me fall for him, too. Not that I know of, at least. He’s just an average, normal friend. Besides the look in his eyes whenever we see each other, that is. But I don’t really want to talk about that.
“As long as the first contestants haven’t started yet, you can still write yourself out. Arlon doesn’t have to know you ever tried getting into this and-“
“Chay, Chay hold up.” He talks way too fast, and it’s not like he’s going to get me to step out. I need to do this, both for myself and Arlon. “You’re not going to change my mind. I want to do this.” I raise my eyebrows and look into his eyes, to let him know he hasn’t got a chance.
“This is a stupid idea.”
“It’s not.”
“I knew I should’ve let Cesilia handle you.” Chay rubs his palm against his forehead in distress. I frown. What is he so fucking nervous for?
“Cesilia wouldn’t have stopped me either.”
“Yes she would have.”
“Chay stop. I’m seriously not up for this right now.” I watch him pace around with his hand still pressed against his forehead. He can’t be this caught off guard by my decision to participate, right? We joked about it, even.
“I have to build up a good reputation if I want Arlon’s people to like me.”
“They don’t have to like you!”
“They do, Chay! What if the thing between me and the king grows, huh? What if-“
“It won’t!”
“Yes it will!” He’s getting me worked up. I can feel my palms sweating, eyes following him around. I know I have said something he didn’t want to hear, and that if the crowd inside of the arena hadn’t start cheering, he would’ve started yelling even louder. Now he stays quiet; the first contestants are out on the field. There’s no backing out, now. The alchemist lets out a deep sigh. He knows he has lost. He presses his hands against his waist and shakes his head. “This is a fucking disaster..”
“I don’t understand why you’re getting so worked up over nothing. I’ll probably fail defeating my first opponent anyways.” I don’t have confidence in this, and my friend is allowed to know that. I might appear strong and ready to the outside world; I’m actually shitting myself. “Yeah. Let’s hope you do.” Chay doesn’t hug me, doesn’t tell me good luck. He ignores my gaze, walks past me and shuts the door behind him. I’m alone now, and I can luckily put this whole argument behind me. I need to concentrate. I need to be ready.
The matches don’t have a limited time, so I have no idea how long I have to sit here and wait for someone to get me out of here. The only training material I have here are the cups, and so I break them one by one with uttermost concentration. It has become so easy that I smile and walk while I do it. I don’t even have to focus my eyes; I have grown so much. Maybe father would like seeing me like this. Maybe he would- ha. Funny.
There’s a single knock on the door right when I decide to stretch.
“13B. You’re up.” I don’t see the woman that says my number, neither does she wait for me to follow her. I guess the fighters are always the same and everyone knows where to go. I rush out of the room with sweaty hands now hiding inside of my gloves. My finger tips are still free, though; it gives me access to a longer range. I leave my coat behind and ignore the stares I receive. It isn’t difficult to find the doors to the inside of the arena. The cheers echo through the dark hallway and I suddenly feel how nervous I am.
The doors open up for me, the bright light slowly shining down on me. I take a deep breath when I hear my name echo through the stadium. My eyes can’t help but look up, and it surprises me that I catch his face in an instant. This is why I didn’t want to go, I tell him with my gaze. All because I was participating.