28.

Elai's pov

If my heart beat any faster, I am sure I would have died. my palms are sweaty and I cannot seem to be able to control my breaths. It is night, the god has dimmed his light and the dark had come forward. I hesitated for quite a while. I decided not to join him for dinner, neither did I try to find him after training. I could not face him after those words. I know very well why, but I do not want to share the reason. If I do, it will become true. It will become my new reality, and I do not want to bite into that. Yet. Or ever. What am I saying? My knuckles knock on the door three times, and I feel like I’m going to faint when I hear his voice again. Come in, he tells me. I hesitate for one more split second. The unknown is terrifying, but I take the leap anyhow. My eyes meet his the moment I push the door open. He’s sitting at his desk, pencil in hand while the other rests upon the paper. “Ah. Elai. You came.” What am I doing here? My mouth is dry and my breaths shaky; it is easy to see that I am nervous. But if he has noticed, he does not show it. he stays calm, a small smile appearing on his face as he points to the empty chair in front of him. “Have a seat. Val has brought me some tea, it should still be hot for you to enjoy.” Arlon watches me walk up to him, watches me sit down and watches me lay my hands on the table. He is scanning every move, and if I wasn’t as nervous, I would’ve known the reason behind his gaze. I would’ve known he was examining me, that he was prying.
“What did you think of training with Connie? He is quite the handful, is he not?” He likes to talk about Connie. I have noticed that in the last week. I like it; it shows that he is caring.
“He sure is, but he is also a great teacher. I feel like my knowledge has expanded by a lot.” I will not whine about him tonight. Not now that I am here, in the king’s room, with him sitting right in front of me. He shifts in his chair just the tiniest bit, and I cannot stop myself from looking down at the paper beneath his free hand.
The drawings are beautiful, but the faces do not seem quite right. I want to ask him about it, but I am not sure that it is a good idea. “There is much more for you to learn. We will go through the techniques first, then the resistance and then the-“
“Sword fighting.” I am too excited to let him speak any longer. Something about the sight of a sword excites me; I am sure I will enjoy having one of my own. “Do you think Chay would make me one?” I put on a small smile, but his eyes have fallen away from me. They are staring at his drawings. “He seems quite fond of you. It wouldn’t surprise me if he already has one ready for you.” I giggle and I can feel my cheeks heat up. I guess I know that Chay likes me, but I don’t really want to admit it. “S-So what is it that you wanted to talk about?” I decide to run away from the conversation about our shared friend, and Arlon agrees to forget it. He gives me a small nod before he pushes himself away from his desk, legs now stretching. He looks even taller when I’m sitting down, like a giant hovering over me. “It is funny, isn’t it? I invited you to join me and I don’t even know what I wanted to talk about.” Arlon’s accent thickens as he turns his back to me. He’s stretching his muscles; he must’ve been busy quite a few hours already. I haven’t even processed his words yet, and it might be because they make me shy. He has invited me without a reason. Does this mean he just wanted to be alone with me? Does it mean he wants to know me? Do I want to know him? “I guess I thought it would be fun to get to know you a little more, apart from all the mysterious stories you tell about your life in the woods.” The lies I have been telling. Of course. That is why he called me here. It is a way to be able to examine me, to see if I falter, or make mistakes that count. I feel some sort of excitement sink into my stomach; I am still the untrustworthy boy. I could punch myself right now; how could I have ever thought he truly wanted to see me? “You’re wandering around my castle, after all.” It is a warning; I must start talking. But what do I talk about? I can’t remember every detail I have told them, neither do I remember the stories I made up when I was drunk. He outsmarted me, and for a moment in time, I wonder if I should tell him. ‘I have to kill your warlord.’ It is as easy as that. But I don’t want to die, and he doesn’t seem like someone who wants to kill, either. “I do not know what more I can tell about myself.” He can’t know, can he? Chay would never tell, and I haven’t accidentally gave myself away either. Tverindal doesn’t know about me, besides my brothers and father. And my aunt, but she had disappeared years ago; if she would’ve said anything, it would’ve been way sooner. I should be save, so why do I feel threatened?
“I have- siblings!” Because I am a bad liar. That is the reason to feel threatened. I wouldn’t have done well in any lie, whatever life I had to hide. “Two brothers.” Let’s not make it too obvious. I decide not to say their names. I can’t think of any fake ones this quick, and Arlon’s eyes are making it harder for me, too.
“But what about you? Who are you?” Arlon’s mysterious questions are impossible for me to answer. I do not even know who I am when I’m inside these walls. I know who I am meant to be, though, and maybe that is enough for now. “I- don’t think I understand what you are asking from me.” I bite on my bottom lip and try my hardest not to start fidgeting. It is my habit when I become nervous, or when I lie. My eyes look anywhere but to him, although I can see that he is coming closer. He leans his hands against his desk, figure now right in front of me. My hands pressed against my thighs; I will not falter. I will not spill.
“Well, you have been making up stories about your life and lying about your surroundings, but you can’t lie about your inner self, can you? It is not needed to gain my trust.” My heart has stopped beating; I am sure of it. or have I stopped breathing? I’m getting lightheaded, I’m going to fucking faint. He’s too sharp for me to be able to keep up the lies any longer, but I will. Not. Falter.
“So who is the boy in front of me?” His finger places itself on my chin, slightly pushing against it so I look up at him. “Who are you?” He’s forcing the question into my mind. I have never been in a situation like this before, yet I feel like I have. As if I have already lived through this, as if I know what his tactics are. I must not appear weak. I move my head to the left, hot finger disappearing from my skin. “I am a simple human being, just like you are. There is nothing to tell that would-“ I cannot finish my sentence; Arlon has once again forced me to look up at him. This time, his hand is tightly holding onto my jaw, and his gaze is angry. “I am not going to play along with your little games.” He says the words so confidently, yet he does not say he knows my secret. Does he even know? Or is he gambling? Is he the one playing a game? My eyes keep themselves focused on his. It almost feels like magic, like I have drank one of Chay’s potions. I can’t look away, no matter how much I want to. His face is beautiful but his aura is dark. It pulls me in, reaches for my soul and devours it whole. I want to lean forward. I want him to trust me; maybe this is the way. My eyes look down at his lips for just a few seconds, to see what speaks his poetic words. They look soft and gentle, and I wish to lay my fingers upon them. I lean a bit forward as my eyes look back up. He must trust me after this. He must.
His grip around my chin loosens up as he allows me to lean closer, to breathe in the air he breathes out. But I never get to touch his lips, I never get to soften his distrust. He rushes back up with a deep frown on his face. I have made a fool of myself. I had given into the mere thought of his lips on mine, of his hands touching my body and our souls colliding. It was stupid of me to think this way, to believe that would help me get out of my own web. My cheeks burn as hot as his hands, eyes still daring to look at him. I hate what I’m doing yet I cannot stop. I feel it travel from my fingers to my arms, and it’s slowly consuming the rest of my body, of my being.
“Very flattered by your attempt to distract me.” I can’t believe he can grin in a situation like this, but I suppose it isn’t a surprise. To him, this is hilarious, this is something to tell his friends about. He does not care if it is humiliating to me. “But I must tell you there is no time for that now.” Now. Will there be time, then?
Stop it, Elai. stop being such a damned fool.
“I thought that is why you called me to your chambers.” I try to throw in another lie, and for now, he laughs about it. “Did you really? Do you take me as such a needy man?” He puts his hand against his chest, and I can feel my body relax. Maybe we will stray into a different conversation now. “You didn’t hesitate to tell me about your little brothel visits. How could I not?” I open my mouth like the stupid boy I am, but it does not seem to bother him. Instead, he laughs once more. This time, his laugh is captivating. I want to see it again. And another time after that, and a million times more. I feel disgusted with myself but he.. oh, what am I saying.
“I suppose you’re right. But I would not dare to bed my guests. Unless you want me to, that is..” Arlon bows his head just a little, so I can properly see the growing smirk on his face. I feel myself coming back down into my body, as if I had been watching myself this whole time. I cannot step into his traps. I must not. “Don’t flatter yourself too much.” I lean back into my chair with a sigh. Some sort of relief rushes over me. He will let it go. At least for now.