35.

“Guys- it’s..” They take too long to answer, and so I take in a deep breath. I was touching myself thinking about Elai, for fucks sake. If I just say that, they might shut up and let it go. Maybe then they will be happy for me, happy that I’m finally getting rid of.. Eryx.
“Can you just trust me, at least for now?” It is the last thing I can think of to say. I am out of words, out of reasons and out of energy. I want them to leave me alone, I want to think about him again. Cesilia is the first one to give in.
She lets out a big sigh and drops her head, hair falling in front of her face.
“So your decision is final?”
“Yes.” I answer her with determination and pride.
Cesilia lifts her head back up to look at me. She’s smiling. “Alright then. I trust you.”
“Think, akari!” Sister. A word Connie uses only in the old Turian language. Cesilia does the same for him; it has become their thing.
“We’re in danger, too! We are standing between Elai and achieving his goal! Or did you plan on letting Lo die? Just like that, with a snap of his fingers. Hm?” Connie is difficult to persuade. I know this.
“He can’t fight us, Connie..” I am surprised Cesilia uses the argument she was so fiercely against when I used it. I know it is because she understands she won’t change my mind, and neither will her brother. She’s not going to throw her energy away for something she won’t achieve. It is some sort of obedience, but it is mostly just her wanting to be a good friend.
“He eventually can if we keep training him! Use your fucking head!” Connie doesn’t understand it the way Cesilia does. She knows I want to keep Elai, no matter what. She doesn’t know the reason.. or maybe she does. Maybe even that lie is too easily detected by her. It wouldn’t surprise me. She sees everything, without green magic.
I listen to the two siblings arguing with each other. Their voices are loud. I’m glad Cesilia’s here to back me up, because I know Connie will give into it in the end. If he decides not to go where I go, he will go where Cesilia goes. And right now, Cesilia and I go the same way. He’s trapped; he can’t disagree anymore.
“Hey! Please!” It is time for it to end. I am tired.
“This is the only fucking thing I ask from you guys. Just trust me until I’m certain of what to do.” I think I already am certain, but I need them to think I just want to feel Elai out a bit more. I can’t let them know about my.. thing for him. Not yet, at least. Maybe not ever. I don’t know. I am quite confused myself. And so I avoid mentioning the pull I feel between me and the exiled prince. I avoid mentioning my desire to touch him and feel him. It is the best thing to do. They won’t understand. Maybe one day they will, but now is not the right time, no matter how much I love them.
“So stubborn..” Connie leans his hands against his waist, head shaking swiftly. He takes a deep breath, a deep breath filled with doubt and an ounce of fear. I can easily hear it. he doesn’t know what Elai is capable of, not now that he knows that I am the warlord. I understand his fear, but I decide not to acknowledge it. I have to stay with my decision. My desire is too much to ignore. “I’ll do it. but I’ll do it because I’m your friend. Not because you’re a king.” He has to make it clear that he still doesn’t bat one eye at my position. He cares more of our friendship and his loyalty lies there, even though I am still a king.
I smile as a sign of my gratitude, and they luckily smile with me. I feel relieved; I had almost thought I would have to give this up. Now I can gently get closer to Elai to see how much further I need to go for the tension to explode. I’m pretty sure I’m almost there. Yes. I am most certain of it.
“Could you go now? I’ve got some business to take care of.” I put my hand up, gesturing for my friends to leave.
“As long as you’re not jerking off to that guy.” Connie huffs out.
I have to bite my lip to stop myself from laughing. My cheeks are turning bright red and I am so fucking lucky that they do not turn around anymore. They disappear out of my room without saying another word or throwing another look over their shoulders. I chuckle at first; what an ironic joke, Connie. Thank you. My face is still covered in guilt as I wait a few seconds. I need to make sure I won’t be disturbed again.
In the end, it is always rather simple to get my friends to go along with me. I don’t know if it is our friendship or my position, but I’m glad they agreed. It makes the excitement grow back into my stomach. Ah yes. That was what I was doing.
“Fuck..” He pops back into my head out of nowhere, and I am glad he does. I need to finish what I had started. It is quite easy to get back into the flow, short breaths turning heavy and chest heaving with every second I get closer to my orgasm. It is Elai’s body I focus on the most. His slim waist, the tight pants that bite into his thick legs, the chest that peaks out of his robe. There are so many aspects about him that make my head explode and it’s- oh it’s so-
Fuck. I have gotten myself into so much trouble.

My sight is hazy at first, but the more I blink, the brighter the light gets. Ah, this again. When I was 18, I remember listening to Eryx’s stories over and over again. I was so in love with the much older man that I didn’t care if I had already heard of it. He told the stories with so much power and love that I became interested in what he did. I did not expect that it would end me up in the place I am standing in right now. My nose is already bleeding; I had quite a few people that hated me in the earlier days. When I got crowned as a king, no one really respected me, neither did I know how to rule and how to act like a king. It wasn’t abnormal to see me fighting out in the open. They saw me as a child, a boy not ready to wear a crown. I was fine with it back then; it gave me an opportunity to train, fists hiding my face.
“Are you going to fight back, boy?” I still remember the taunting of the older man. I had been defending myself quite well, but I hadn’t been able to punch the man back yet. I was embarrassed, especially as numerous people watched me fight. They were shouting nasty words and cheering for my opponent. Never once did I hear someone cheering my name. I was hated. I was looked down upon. I was a kid.
I’m fast with my feet, easily moving around with speed the older man can barely keep up with. It has been my strength for a few long years now. Unpredictability is important, Eryx had said. Before my mothers hired him to take care of me, he was a pirate, and then a street fighter. His past made him able to teach me quick steps, steps that were hard to follow. It annoys the man; I can see it in his eyes. It is almost like I’m actually here, reliving a day in my past. I can smell the plants and the dirty clothes. I can smell the man’s breath and sweat, the flowers on the ground, the mud below my feet. It is almost too real to be a dream.
It was after the man’s huff that I noticed my friends in the crowd. They’re grinning, both their arms crossed. I can understand why they don’t cheer for me; they’re focused on my feet. I grin back at them and they give me a certain strength. Strength that I needed to throw myself forward.
It was pure luck, my fist now finally making contact with the man’s face. I had become able to hold back my fire when I was fighting, but I was filled with pride and loved to show it off. I was a stupid teenager, unable to think of my throne and the crown I was supposed to wear. I stand in the middle of a small crowd, covered in dirt, white blouse dirty and ripped. I didn’t look like a king. I know that now, I know why people hated me.