39.

Arlon's pov

Elai sits across from me, a small smile settled on his face. I like to look at him when he’s smiling. It brings me some sort of peace. He looks back at me like he knows what I’m thinking. He looks at me like he knows that I’m starting to lose my senses over him. Connie would tell me I’m being ridiculous, but he isn’t here. No. It’s just Elai and me.
“Drink this.”
Oh. And Chay.
It feels like forever since I last saw him, and a lot has changed since then. I have thought about his actions now, and I can’t help but be angry; he kept Elai a secret for months, even when he found out he was from the Amias bloodline. He had the audacity to keep him from being delivered, even though he knew I’d eventually hear of the situation.
“Thanks, bud.” I used to really like Chay’s company. We have spent some interesting time together, especially after Eryx died. He was.. is one of my closest friends, but it somehow feels like we’re straying away from that word. He hasn’t been looking the same at me ever since I took Elai in. Maybe- no, that would be stupid of me to think, if not absolutely idiotic.
“Could you leave us alone for a minute, Chay? There’s something I’d like to discuss with Elai.” I think talking about it will empty my heart, and it feels like the right decision to talk about it with Elai. He knows me, yes, but he doesn’t know me the way my friends do. I feel safer to let it all out to someone I won’t be with forever.
“Alright. I’ll know if you need me.” The words are weird, but true. Chay has often visited me when I thought of him. Green magic is wonderful, truly. I wish I could know everything in Tverindal. I wish I knew all the secrets. Maybe the stranger in front of me would be different to look at, then. Chay’s hand presses down onto Elai’s shoulder for just a few seconds, and I have to hold back a breath when Elai places his hand on top of Chay’s. I don’t know why it does something to me. Or.. maybe I do know, but I’d rather not think about that right now.
As soon as the door closes, I let out a long sigh and put my tea down on the table between us. It is the only thing that separates us, and if I could kick it aside right now, I would.
I smile when I look at him. “You look nervous.”
“I do not know what we would have to discuss, my king.” Elai truly is nervous; there are tiny shivers in his voice. He’s hesitating; he doesn’t know if he can trust me like he trusts.. Chay. Ah. I felt that in my chest.
“When I was younger, my mothers never bat a single eye at me.” Yes. Talking will help; I can already feel the relief on my chest. “It was quite much like you, I suppose. They weren’t afraid, though. They were angry. They had been lied to; they had taken a child that wasn’t who they thought he’d be.” I try to remember their faces as I look into Elai’s eyes, who is leaning back into the couch. He crosses his legs and I take a moment to look down at the way his thighs press against each other. I can see the muscles through his black pants, and it makes me wonder how they feel underneath my hands. Ah. Great timing. I apologize.
“They thought you’d be a death gazer, didn’t they?” There is genuine interest in his voice. It makes me happy.
“Yes, just like the five before me. My siblings were all perfect, but you know how it is in Turi; the youngest takes the throne. A tradition I wish died many years ago.” Turi and Alveryae share this tradition. There, the youngest becomes the ruler, too. But they use it with respect and kindess. Here, it has been nothing but rage and jealousy. I heard my mother killed her brother for it, and the moment she did, they saw it as honorable instead of a crime. Funny but sad. A true tragedy that will always be in the books. A tragedy that makes it easy for others to hate Turi. I think even I might hate Turi.
“Now that I was their fucked up kid, they had to prepare to give it to Luceli, my sister who was supposed to become a great warrior.” I barely remember her face, but I know all too well she was my favorite sibling before I was thrown into the dungeons. Before my mothers forgot about me forever.
“It angered them. I was shoved into one of the cells simply because I wasn’t what they wanted, simply because I was a kid who’d break the tradition.” Elai’s eyes are piercing through mine. He’s looking rather sympathetic and I can see h’s truly listening to me. I can feel my heart lighten the more I talk about it. As long as I don’t have to talk about what causes my attacks, I will be fine.
“You were raised by a man you loved from there on, right?” A long as I don’t have to talk about what causes my attacks, I said! Why is he brining up Eryx? How does he even know that?
“Thin ice.” My hands turn into fists to force the trembling to stop. “I apologize, my king. I get caught up in stories so easily that I forget what is allowed and what is not. Forgive me.” How could I not forgive those dull, green eyes? How could I not forgive that beautiful, innocent smile? “It’s alright. You are correct.” He makes it easier to run through Eryx’s maze, makes it easier for me to find my way back and continue my story without needing to cry. “Those years I spent in the cells really made me hate my mothers. Eryx was always encouraging that hatred, telling me they weren’t truly my mothers simply for the things they had done to me.” I am not sure if I have spoken up about his name before. Elai doesn’t react to it, so I might have, but the chaos inside my head has made me forget. It was the same with Chay. When I told him about Eryx, he already knew, and that was quite a while before he learned how to use green magic. I seem to forget talking about him a lot. Must be a coping mechanism.
“He told me that if I wanted to be a true Turian hero, I’d have to show my people I deserve to be one.” I know where the story is going and even I seem invested. My elbows lean against my knees as I lean my chin against my hands. “When I was 17, Eryx told me I was ready. He got me out of the dungeons and encouraged me to show my mothers I was angry.” I don’t ever tell this story to anyone. The only ones that know are my friends, and soon Elai. It is better that way; my people would hate me and try to assassinate me if they knew what I had done.
“I killed my mothers the same night I got out.” The words slither out of my mouth. I see it happen again. I see my fire, their wide eyes and hear the sounds of them gasping for air and screaming in agony. It still feels like it had happened only yesterday. My eyes shift up to look at Elai, but there isn’t any particular expression on his face. He seems rather calm.
“I still remember the smile I received that night. He was so proud of me..” Eryx. I never really got to process it because of him. Simply because I was blinded by love, simply because I believed that making him happy and proud was my purpose.
Elai doesn’t hesitate before saying the words I hear. “I would kill my father if I got the chance.”
My eyes stare at him for a long while, silence surrounding us. He has to kill me for the one he wants to kill. Ha. That sounds ridiculous. He has got to be joking. He is joking, right?
“I sound foolish, I know. But I’d rather see his blood on my hand than yours.” Am I dreaming? I must be dreaming. He can’t be saying this. He can’t please me like this.