71.

Elai's pov

It is a smaller house than I had expected. Maybe it was stupid of me to think that she’d be treated like a queen. Maybe that is not how royals actually work. I knock on the door with nerves breaking me apart. I don’t know what I should expect from a visit like this, and even though I feel sorry, I am glad Chay did not come with me. I don’t have to walk on tippy toes. I will simply be visiting my aunt and-
“Oh! Elai! Come in!” There is a red-haired woman smiling down at me. She is beautiful, her dress tightly holding onto her body.
“You-“
“Eritha, young man. I am your aunt’s wife!” The woman, Eritha, chuckles at the confusion in my eyes. I have never seen anyone look more ethereal than her. Her eyes are blue. And when I say blue, I mean bright blue. Almost as if they are shining. H
“Nerys has been waiting for you to join us for some days now. Almost believed that your lover had kept you from going.”
My lover.
I blush and walk after her with my eyes on the ground. I hope only good comes out of this visit. I might even gather some information for Arlon to consume. Maybe that will convince him of saying yes to the alliance, although I doubt it.
“Elai!” Nerys is in the garden, the doors wide open to let the breeze cool down the house. Her green eyes light up from the day moon, the color makes her look like a.. snake.
I shake my head at the thought; it is no time to doubt my aunt. I am here with news, and with love. I allow her to embrace me, to hold me like no other family member has ever done. It puts a smile on my face. My hand presses against her back for a few seconds before she pulls back, hands still holding onto my shoulders.
“How have you been doing? It must’ve been quite the journey.”
“It was alright, actually! My horse-“
“I mean the journey of living here.” She lowers her voice a little as we walk back inside. The breeze tickles against my back. I did not expect her to want to know about what had happened, neither did I expect anything else. I am her nephew.
“I hate to disappoint you, but it hasn’t been anything special.”
Besides the fact of me falling for my target.
“Nonsense.” She waits for me to sit down before she does, Eritha sitting right beside her. The red-haired woman places her hand on top of Nerys’, and I wonder if this is going to be Arlon and me one day. If we will sit across from someone with our hands barely touching, but enough to show how deeply in love we are. I can see it in both the eyes of my aunt and Eritha. They love each other. They truly love each other.
“Tell me, how has it been, Elai? I must say, I had quite a good laugh when I found out you turned your back on your assigned destiny. You are a lot more like me than I could’ve ever expected.” Her voice is so comforting. I do not remember if it has always been like that.
“I wasn’t really meant to do such hideous things but.. I found out a lot about Lyle and it just.. it was devastating. They are everything I thought Turian people were.” I had no intention of throwing out everything that has been building up inside of me, yet now that I’m sitting across from someone that knows what I’m talking about, I can’t stop.
“Sure, some of the stories are true but.. The moon wanted nothing but peace.” I can’t believe I am saying this with pain in my voice. It is not the sun I hate. It is the people that worship her. I have read enough to at least doubt them. And it hurts.
Believe me. It hurts.
“Is it love that got you to change your mind?”
Is it? Is it Arlon’s eyes, his mouth, the way he holds me? Has he left his poison in me? Is that it?
“No. No, it is not love. Arlon has got little to do with the decision I have made.”
“Revenge, then.”
That simple fucking word puts a grin on my face as I look right into her eyes. She is correct. Revenge. Of course, Arlon is a factor, but nothing feels better than betraying the people that held me back. Especially that bastard of a father.
“I left for the same reason.”
I frown at her as her hand slightly tightens its grip around Eritha’s.
“Your father took what was mine. I was supposed to sit on that throne. I was supposed to rule. But I wasn’t smart enough, nor did I attend enough parties to make my parents proud. They did not see me as a queen. I tried living with the fact that my younger brother was a higher rank than me, but I couldn’t. It drove me away, and it eventually made me leave you behind with him.” Her hand leaves Eritha’s, and I suddenly feel the cold fingers pressing down on my own. They’re unusually cold. It makes me feel uneasy.
“And I am terribly sorry for that.” She looks into my eyes when she apologizes. That doesn’t happen to me too often. I’m glad to know that I’ve got someone in my family that has the same characteristics as me. She makes me feel a lot safer now. I shouldn’t be so suspicious of her. She’s my real family. She’s the only one that stands on my side for the same reasons. And I am grateful for that. Maybe Arlon did make a mistake. Maybe he should’ve said yes.
“I was a coward. I knew how he was treating you but- I saw it in his eyes. He would’ve killed me if I tried taking you with me and-“
“It is alright, Nerys.” The name feels all too natural in my mouth.
“I do not blame you for leaving. And I believe life goes the way it is supposed to go. The time I spend behind closed doors was important. I know it.” I can barely believe it myself; I am justifying the fucking abuse I went through. I wish I could get sick to my stomach, but instead, a smile appears on my face. “Now I know what to do. That’s why I came here.” It is exciting to finally bring it up. He will be my first kill. I will kill him.
“I want to go back to kill Heseras.” I can’t even call him my father anymore. I don’t know if it is because I don’t want to associate that word with death, or if it is because I am somewhat scared.
At first, Nerys’ expression doesn’t change. The same smile she was wearing stays on her face, eyes filled with sparks. Is it because she wants it, too?
“I know it might sound fucking crazy but-“
“You are brilliant.” Nerys finally stretches her back with a nod. It makes me proud of myself, and happy. It makes me feel like I’m ready.
There is a moment of silence that we share. One that I can enjoy, that I can appreciate. The entirety of life disappears around us, and even Eritha fades away. I feel strong. I feel so fucking strong. I was never meant to follow my father. I was always supposed to end up here, looking into my aunt’s eyes as I tell her my plan. I belong right here, right now.
“How about your brothers? Will you kill them?”
I have never thought of that. After the king dies, there will simply come another. The war won’t be over, nor will things change. Hell, the hatred towards Turi will only grow, then. Killing my father isn’t strategic, it is purely for my own peace of mind.
Would killing my brothers do the same?
“No. My mind is not with the war. I am doing this for myself.” There it is. The answer. I don’t think I could ever be able to kill them at all. They haven’t done the worst to me. They simply were very bad brothers. It is no reason to kill them.
As long as I do not get tangled in the war, I will leave them be. But I will not stop anyone who does want to kill them. Whether it be Connie, or Cesilia, or even Arlon. I will not stop them. I will merely hold a breath and quietly look away. Yes. That is what I will do when their time comes.
“So you do not desire the throne?”
She asks me too many questions that force me to think. The easy answer would be no. I am happy enough becoming the prince of Turi and living a long and quiet life with Arlon. So why am I not saying the word?
“Ah.. I see. A part of you does. No reason to be ashamed of it. Not when you’re with me.” Alright, so maybe something inside of me does want to be the king of Lyle. But it wouldn’t be for the power, or the love. It would all be for revenge. It is, and will always be, my only motivation. I can promise that.
“But it is no matter to speak of now. I am perfectly fine being here without a title on my name. I actually like the way the people see me now that I participated in the tournaments. They respect me. That was the last thing I wanted to be able to settle properly. That.. and the trust of Arlon.” Is it even reasonable for him to have these needs? To say that he’ll trust me once I kill my father? Should it not be a normal matter to trust the one you.. love?
Will he love me, once?
“Arlon’s trust, hm? That is quite a thing to ask for when you’re an Amias born.” Nerys leans back into her chair, knuckles pressing up against her chin.
“Are his intentions well, Elai?”
“I am sure they are. I’ve seen the way he looks at me.”
“From what I’ve heard, Ruaidhri is quite the backstabber.” She almost seems to snarl his last name. The look in her eyes changes, too. But I decide to ignore it. At least for now.
“I trust him, Nerys. I trust him with my entire heart and soul.” It is stupid to say such a thing when he can’t trust me back. But I can’t help it; it has rooted itself deep inside of me. I know he won’t betray me, or use me. I simply fucking know.
“Even though he killed his last lover, too?”
My heart stops.
I want to get angry, want to defend him with everything I’ve got. But I stay silent, my head slowly zoning out. Oh gods. Oh fuck. How does she know that? She can’t know that. No. Arlon told it to me himself; there was no one outside of his friends and staff that knew what had happened. The cover up was perfect, the people believed everything.
So why does Nerys know?
“Remember, Elai. I have eyes everywhere.”
Eyes? Eyes. Someone amongst the staff?
Should I be suspicious of one of Arlon’s friends?